No More End Points: Go On To Eternity

It's not just the time for me to think outside the box; it's time for me to MOVE outside the box.

I don't know the exact reason why am I trying to contain myself in a container that was not meant to fit me in. I used to blame my past for everything that's happening to me: the molestation done to me, my being socially inept, my conservative clan, the not being actually free. Then I realized: past is already past. It might be a cliché that I should have known better from the start, but no. I used to hold on to my past. I used to tell them, "Ah, ganito ako kasi ganiyan ang nangyari sa akin," or something like that.

I'm trying to reconstitiute myself this time. So I thought I analyze myself and re-segregate what's on my mind. Here are they as follows, then explanations later:

What I Want	What I Need
To have sex with a guy and a girl (not at the same time) so I can know how it feels like.1 To finish my course and find a job. To buy all the gadgets that I want to use, all the books that I want to read. To be a star/be famous. That the LGBT group be accepted in the community. To eat everything I fancy. Not to whine anymore/Get rid of my so-called "mood swings".	Someone that I really love and will love me as well. To make love with that person after, maybe, a month of relationship.2 To make solid, long-lasting friendships. To study Mathematics fruitfully and not to flush them out of my system again. To tell the world who I really am without worries. To learn to cook and to drive. To take risks.

Notes:
¹ My father once told me that I am just confused so he told me to take to some "massage parlor" where I can "lay a girl down", which I obligingly declined as of date.
² Which may mean Want#1 and Need#1 has to be satisfied first.

Look, the list is not complete. But that's just some of my thoughts that, I think, is "urgent" as of the meantime. But notice that both the 7^th lines are the most important to date. I don't need to confine myself in this place I'm in. I should go out: I should learn to accept failures because they are natural and it's through failures that we learn, right? And as my friend said: I need someone to talk to about my state. One person came in mind but I think she won't "have time for that" since she had problems of her own and I think that the only advise she can give me is, "That's life: Suck it up!"

I am to start a whole new life again (I said that a lot of times, but this time it's "different"). Haha, I'm lost at words. I think I'll post an update next time.