Sunday, September 21, 2008

Wasp: Stings

I just came from my uncle to ask about routers that time and I was walking home, when suddenly...

My left elbow was stung by a wasp! Yeouch! Seemingly, I had this little boil on my elbow as an effect.

What's with my left arm, really?

My mom said, "Andami-daming putakte sa ilalim ng bahay natin [we live on the second floor of our house], sa may kanto ka pa nakagat?!"

Take Time to Read: I FEEL HUMAN

I watched Heroes Season 2 as to make sure I haven't missed a single detail. Season 3 is fast approaching.

Wonder why Angela Petrelli stole socks last Season 1? Wonder why Claire Bennet can't get over her emotional angst last Season 2? It goes around on one theme: feeling human.

No, it's not that I have a superpower myself. As human beings, we are meant to feel as we are to be: joy, acceptance, recognition, triumph; depression, rejection, persecution, defeat.

I know you know that I am having emotional problems right now. And I thought all of this time that I can cope up by either enduring the pain that I feel or by ignoring the same feeling. I realized: both of them were wrong. But the question now is: How can I feel human?

Why does enduring pain doesn't make me feel human? I think it is because hiding something and posing a happy face makes me "normal" [note that I made pain endurance and pretentious feelings synonymous]. It makes me blend in the background: vanish to be specific. But you know what will happen to the pressure cooker when it stays in the heat for long, right? Yes, the useful mechanism will blow up. Same to me.

Why does ignoring my problems doesn't make me feel human? Now, the reason is that I am avoiding what I am to face. We know problems are given to be solved, not to be escaped. I must learn to analyze and find a solution: yet, I only stop at the analysis step. I think it is inhuman to just neglect these problems.

Now, I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to feel human. I know of a couple of things, but I am afraid it will cost me very much.

You knew I lost a lot of friends so my emotional dependence has reached its maximum. Yet again, I realized this is the first step to feel human: HAVE FRIENDS YOU CAN TRUST, HAVE FRIENDS THAT YOU WON'T BETRAY AND THAT WON'T BETRAY YOU, HAVE FRIENDS THAT UNDERSTANDS YOU THE MOST AND WON'T BACKSTAB YOU. You know what? I found a few of them. To be specific, I have 2 friends that matches the criteria. And I am happy with that.

Yes, I do start to feel human but beyond that first step: I don't know what to do. I want you to help me, build a journey with me that I can't forget. I haven't made Elementary and High School memories [except for the Press Conference]. And now, before I graduate this College, I want you to let me know how to feel human. Because I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of thinking and imagining: it just drives me crazy.

And another thing: like I mentioned earlier, I keep on losing friends. You know, you may give me an advise that I have to be real in order to gain friends. The problem is: I AM BEING REAL, I AM BEING ME, yet they want to avoid me like I have a Shanti Virus or some sort.

So I want you to give me an advise on how should I perform better. I don't want to be a leech that sucks on a nearest outlet. I want to be contained yet I want to get free. I know you don't get what I say but if you do start a journey with me, I think you would know me better. Give me good advises, perhaps?


Thank you for your time. Pardon the grammar.

Friday, September 19, 2008

It's The Left Pinky This Time

Why is my left hand prone to accidents?

I'm actually alright with my left index finger since I can now bear the pain and I can type more efficiently. But now, here's the problem.

I'm trying to fix our internet connection. It should have been easy but there is something wrong with the set-up of the wires and the exhaust fan. What happened next?

Well, to make the story short, at the last step of my work, my left pinky was shredded by the exhaust fan! Yikes!

Now I look like a conio when I'm typing this, I think. I had my pinky always raised. It hurts. T_T

I remembered what my prof said earlier: A small child will place his fingers in an electric fan just to find out that it hurts. In the child's place, that's innocence. In my place, that's ignorance. T_T

I feel like a baby...

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Heroes Countdown!

I can't believe 09/22 will be coming in a few winks!

I'd been a fan of Heroes since it was shown on RPN9 [now C/S]. I haven't watch the premiere at that time, but it was a good thing I was a "surfer" and an avid fan of pirated DVD's, I got to know the show, and it was so cool!

Let's see... We have an empathic nurse, a flying politician, a mind-reader cop, a spacetime-bending otaku, an indestructible cheerleader, a superstrong stripper... Let's add to the list a "viral" vixen, an electric sadist, and a young-looking 400y/o guy! Get a load of that...

Now Season 3 is to come... I wasn't really disappointed with Season 2 but damn Writers' Strike >.< . There are spoilers roaming around (I love spoilers, BTW) and I am so interested what is to come! I can't contain my excitement!


P.S.: How can I watch it when I'm not in the U.S.? Hmm... It's yours to find out. Hint: When I say "watch", I mean watch. And, no, not the pirated DVD's, please. I just buy them to re-watch. :P

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The Left Index Finger

Out of stupidity, my left index finger broke. It hurts. It has a mean cut from the flesh to my nails. Just imagine Sylar cracking up fingernails... T_T

It was on a van, I was trying to fold a specific chair because we were in the terminal already. I don't know the orientation of the fold so when I fold it correctly, and my index finger was on the grain... Damn, it hurts! There was a lake of blood inside the vehicle! 8D

So this just meant I can't masturbate use a fork properly. Poor me. I will be like this for a month...

Want photos? 8D

Sunday, September 07, 2008

These Are My Lessons Of The Century

*pardon the grammar*

I hate this feeling; this feeling of loneliness, emptiness, guilt. It's always the fact that when I go to school, I hide my face under the mask of happiness since I am really crying. Emotional, eh?

First thing: I learned not to make lots of friends. I think a few will do. But do you know why, in the first place, I'd like to make new friends?

It's because I'm socially deprived. My youth days had been surrounded by the four walls of our house, trying to learn academics. I never went out and play with my neighbors. I only play with my cousins in our backyard. It feels like I'm locked up inside, helpless. Still, I was attending school but I wasn't given a chance to interact with my classmates.

I grew up like that for 12 years [from Nursery until I graduated in High School]. I never knew sports. I barely knew social life. I don't even know Counter Strike and Ragnarok back then. And I hated those times. They were calling me nerd and geek like forever. I just can't stand it. I'm unsocial [not antisocial: it's a different thing], I know it. But that fact doesn't have to be pressed down hard on me.

It was 3.5 years ago when I fell in love. But I knew bulls' eye from the start that having a relationship is impossible because I barely knew wooing. So I wanted to have friendship instead. I wanted my first love to be my very first friend, my best friend. But in the end? I cried. Why? It's because I confessed my feelings. And days after, my first love became so distant to me. It was 7 days that I cried myself to sleep. I lost a friend and a loved one.

But I didn't stop there. For 2.5 years [after I graduated], I fell in love with different people and confessed to some of them. But out of those gazillion people I confessed up, only one remained as my friend but still, that person is too distance to me nowadays. Sad? No, very sad.

Yet again, I am in love. I don't want to be messed up anymore. I'm not going to love anymore. I'm not going to confess anymore. I just wanted to be stuck up in my own realm.

So where, you say, was the friendship part? Well, they were above and some few friends of mine that I can count by my fingers. I wanted to maintain my friendship to the people whom I had feelings before, but they were gone just like that. Others even despised me. It hurts a lot: those stupid promises they give me. That they will understand, that I will still be their friend. But where are they?

I guess I really had to be contented with a few friends that I have. They are the ones that understand me the most. They are the ones who keep my many secrets. They were always there for me and I promise that I, in return, will always be here for them no matter what the consequences are.

I don't want to cry. No, I cannot cry now. My eyes are now dry. I just have to live with a few blessings of mine. I am contented with those things now.

This is another lesson I realized, and maybe the last one for the meantime: never ever expect. I wished I was Lady Strike's brother and take everything for granted, but no. Even so, I am idle. And I never took risks. I may be adventurous at heart but the problem is execution. I always play safe. I never went out of my comfort zone and try a few things I never tried before [except for food tripping].

Even at school and studies, I am idle. At weekends, I always play video games. At weeknights, I surf the net. I always think I know anything. Or yet, I always think that what I am learning is enough to pass. I lack encouragement.

This is also related to the first lesson I learned. I am expecting to have new friends. I am expecting that I retain those friendships. But no, I'm just daydreaming and wishing everything turned the way I wanted it.

I don't know if a new Denji will resurface. I just don't know. But I don't want to cry. I don't want to love. I don't want to expect. Yet, I want to live. I want to be happy.

*sigh* Denji is such an idiotic creature... Isn't he?

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Updates on Promotional Pictures


added the 5th promotional picture of Heroes.

Go to this [link] to view them...