Yung Panaginip Ko Kagabi

Nasa Math Bldg. daw ako. There's nothing wrong except the canteen. Ibang look. Mas malaki. Pero gloomy and dark. Nasa harapan na ako ng counter para um-order ng ramen (WTF, may ramen sa MB?!). Nasa harapan ang isang taong nung nakita ko ay nagulat ako. Paano ba naman, new hairstyle. Mas nagulat ako dahil ningitian niya ako. Sinabihan niya ako ng "Hi!" Akong ulol naman, yumuko at ngumisi. Nangiti. Kinilig baga.

Yun lang ang naalala ko sa panaginip ko... T_T

Nawala na yung prophetic dreams ko, kaya di ko malalaman kung mangyayari itong scene na to. Pero pag nakita ko nga siya na new hairstyle,
liligawan ko siya
aantayin kong ligawan niya ako
aayain ko siyang mag-date
hahawakan ko ang kamay niya
NEVERMIND!!!

Waaaah...

Mababaliw na ako. T_T

Survivor: Gabon: The Likeables, The Un-Likeables, and The Bitches

I think it was so stupid of me that Survivor has been around since 2000, yet I just started to become a fan recently. I love watching Survivor not just because it's a reality show and there are physical and mental challenges but also it's fun to watch, then observe, how different people act in different situations.



Previously on Survivor: Gabon...

It All Depends on the Pin-Up Girl:
Fang lost again in the reward and immunity challenge (although it's individual immunity this time). Marcus (the I'll-flash-my-penis-for-a-few-seconds doctor) won the immunity and, as an added twist, he also hailed Sugar (the pin-up girl) another immunity. Pressure rises up on Fang on who's to go next. Crystal's (the Olympic gold medalist-slash-whiner) name come's to mind until Kenny (the video game master and the I-beat-Physics-teacher-in-a-Math-question Asian) tricked Sugar that Ace (the "puppeteer") will vote-off her next. The result: Ace was voted-off: 3-2 against Crystal. Another surprise is the double elimination: Kota is to vote-off a member as well, and Dan (the hungry) was voted off at 5-2 against Susie (the few-liner).



My comments/rants about the contestants:

The Likeables:
1. Ken - the professional video gamer. He's Asian (Vietnamese to be exact). Don't underestimate his slim physique: he's doing quite well in challenges. Plus, he's kinda socially neutral but I think he can easily manipulate others because he talks well
2. Kelly - the student. This blonde [I think that I have weakness for blondes] spitfire is one of those two who stood against Ace prior to the tribe-shuffling. Sadly, she's just an all-face-no-effort lady.
3. Paloma - the waitress. A Hispanic who also stood against Ace. But sadly, since Ace is a manipulator, she was voted off. Poor girl, she's small yet tough.
4. Charlie - the lawyer. He's gay and he likes Marcus. Plus, he's a member of that so-called "onion alliance". Fear him: he's strong yet socially-likeable.
5. Sugar - the pin-up model. She may be blonde and she may look weak, but she's showing strong streaks (one is by obtaining the Hidden Immunity Idol). Can easily be manipulated, though.

The Unlikeables:
1. Ace - the photographer. Yeah, you're strong, but I hate your head full of hot air. You're nothing but body, no-brainer.
2. Crystal - the Olympic gold medalist. One of the fastest females in the world and at the same time, one of the strongest to whine in the game. You win, you boast. You lose, you cry.
3. GC - the maintenance man. Another whiner. The worse is: he's a quitter. You join Survivor not to quit the game but to win. Seriously, Sugar is better than you.

The Bitch and The Bastard:
1. Corrine - the pharmaceutical salesperson. The number one bitch of the game: the ruthless queen. Get into her way and I'll see you be burned later. Be forwarned: she is another member of the onion alliance.
2. Randy - the wedding videographer. He fonds of attaching himself to stronger alliances and can get ways to get himself into that alliance. He likes to see the other tribe lose more that to see his tribe win. Now, he is another member of the onion alliance.



For more info, visit Survivor on CBS.

Apologies

Apologies. My previous last entry, I wrote it during my insanity times. I want to say sorry.

I don't think I still realize what's wrong with me. But I know I can do it: one step at a time.

I Did It Again

Grave mistake. It was a different version this time.

How am I suppose to get a normal life if my whole emotional aspect is b*tching me? Or is THIS my normal life? To get hurt? But I feel pain! Am I suppose to feel pain for the rest of my life?! Am I suppose to feed on pain, to nourish me, for me to grow battered? How can I go one step further if steps one to five are already messed up?

I need a break. Seriously. I wanted to fix things. I wish they can be fixed that easily.

I WANT TO HEAL EVERYTHING!

I can't... control my life anymore. It's hard.

I wish those two persons would end my life, my suffering. Either that or I wish they could help me fix this "mess". I want a "normal" life... I wanted to have one...



"I'm not normal and I never will be. I'm a lot of things... an agent, a villain, an orphan, and I'm running out of places to go."

~Elle Bishop; Sum Quod Sum, Part 2

Ang Marikit na Perlas...

Naglalakad ako sa dalampasigan isang hapon. Ang ganda ng paglubog ng araw. Kulay orange. Una, sa gilid lang ako naglalakad. Pero 'di kalaunan, pinasya kong lumangoy patungo sa ilalim ng dagat.

Maganda ang dagat. Maraming isda at korales. Ang gandang pagmasdan ng dagat. Ngunit may isang bagay na lalong nakatawag sa akin ng pansin: isang perlas.

Kay ganda ng perlas na iyon. Malaki siya at makinang. Anupa't pinasasaya niya ako. Habang tinitignan ko siya, parang nawala ang kirot sa puso po. Pinapangiti niya ako; pinapangit niya ang puso ko. Unti-unti akong lumapit sa kaniya at hinaplos siya.

Habang natutuwa ako sa perlas, nakaramdam ako ng masama. HIndi ko alam kung bakit, pero kinakabahan ako. Parang hindi ako makahinga. Tama, nasa ilalim ako ng dagat. Pero may iba pang dahilan sa kaba ko.

Lumayo ako ng bahagya sa perlas para makita ang kaniyang kabuuan. Pero nagulat ako sa aking nakita: isang napakalaking talaba. Isang talaba na nagmamay-ari sa perlas. Nanghinayang ako. Hindi ko kayang kunin ang perlas. Ang talaba na ang nagmamay-ari sa kaniya. Bigla nalang sinara ng talaba ang kaniyang higanteng bibig. Dahil doon, nagkaroon ng napakalakas na alon. Inanod ako. Hindi ako makahinga. Nalulunod ako. Mukhang hindi na ako makakalapit sa perlas na iyon kahit kailan. Naging madilim ang lahat ng nakikita ko.

...

Dinilat ko ang aking mga mata at ako'y napaubo. Isang halik. Isang halik ang gumising sa akin. Ngunit, sino siya? Pilit akong bumangon pero wala akong nakita. Lumupasay na lang ulit ako sa buhangin. Umiiyak.

Got It All Wrong

I am already in the prove/disprove part of that thing I was talking last time: If those 3 4 signs will be another doom for me. Turns out, they're not all related... Yet. But at least I'm assured there's nothing wrong with me.

On the lighter note, I'm going to wait for the latest episode of Heroes 3. They're getting more and more fantastic, you know. But I'm not going to reveal anything since it may turn out to be spoiler to others. :P

I'm patiently waiting for the episode. Then while download is in the process, I'm going to make some popcorn and chill my wine!

YATTA!

Dapat Ba Akong Matuwa?

I can see it coming.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I always do it wrong. I'm on the verge of yet another breakdown. I can see my doom.

Supposedly, Aquarius's element is air: meaning, I uphold freedom and I can do what I always want. Yes, I can always do what I want but I opted not to because I'm emotionally and socially weak. Water embodies me more, since I just let myself be formed, or rather, be a product of my environment.

I can see my doom. I don't know what to do. I can't do nothing but pretend I'm okay. I'm tired of waiting. I have to face it with all my strength.

I'm waiting for the second sign of my impending doom. The first already happened. T_T

Competitiveness...

I remembered when I was on my 1st year. I thought since I'm here on THIS university, I can't expect high grades anymore. But as I "transcended" into 2nd year, my fierceness got into me once again, and this is the fruit of my labor.

In fairness, as I "compute" my grades in MSExcel (up until 3rd Yr: 1st Sem), I was "crying" as my average is flashing right before my eyes!

Yosh, I have decided to reach at least the Magna Cum Laude standing! (I think I can't put myself up to the Summa Cum Laude rank. But who knows?)

Notes: Grades on Math123.1 and Math122 are theoretical and are subject to change.

The Fan Fiction That Was Never Meant To Be Written

I'm an avid fan of fiction, or any other works of literature for the matter. I'm trying to write some, but sadly, puro umpisa lang sila.

There's this particular idea that's been popping on my mind ever since I was in Second Year High School. It's been 5 years, but I haven't started on the story yet; just the characters. I wanted to post my ideas here, but no. I really can't do anything.

I guess I should really start about it, ne?

Do you know why I can't start that? It's because I'm bothered by their birth dates. Call me trivial or OC, but I strongly believe on those astrology things. And astrology does play as one of the central themes of my story so I really can't start since I'm idle learning the whole stuff of Chinese and Western astrology. T_T

To give you an idea of what my write-up is all about, I can only say it is a mixture of Sailormoon, Heroes/X-Men, and your regular teen-age drama flicks as major "ingredients".

*sigh* When can I start? I am to graduate college now... T_T

Denji gets BJ(Buko Juice)-ed!

Warning: Post contains sexual undertones and not suitable for children under 72 years of age. Ask consent from an infant.

We are on our way home from Malolos City when my father decided to buy buko juice for all of us.

While I'm inserting the straw on my cup (with lid, of course), some of the juice accidentally spilled over my crotch area and when the straw was fully inserted, i "cried",

"NA-B.J. AKO!"

To my father's shock, he asked, "Anong BJ?" And my mother replied, "Buko Juice! Anak, gusto mong masampal?"

5 Things I Need To Do This Sembreak

Inspired by Kristin's latest entry (Cass, dalaga ka na, Kristin na tawag namin sa'yo! LOL)

1. Huwag munang mag-celebrate ng sembreak
~> secret ko na to kung bakit. may friend kasi ako (na apparently close na sakin) na di pa niya sembreak. so, hindi muna ako magse-sembreak! *basa mode*

2. Mag-ayos ng kuwarto
~> you wish! perpetually messy ala JB na ang room ko. anton dito, nering doon, sherbert sa other side... san ka pa? lol, seriously, mag-aayos ako.

3. Matulog ng maaga at least once
~> para umabot ako ng 6. (cass, maniwala ka sa kapangyarihan ng tulog! lol) saka healthy din angmatulog ng maaga. kaso, a-yo-ko. :P

4. Mag-DL ng latest eps ng Heroes 3
~> at i-burn, then i-lend kay kai. mwahaha!

5. Movie marathon!
~> jan-ssi, anong movies ba uli un? O_O

may dagdag pa pala!

6. Naruto, Bleach, Death Note, et al
~> kailangan ko ng maging updated! whaaaaa!!!

Sembreak? Not!: The Evaluation of 1st Sem AY 2008-2009

Name: LUMIDAO, Edward Jenned, Manicad
Year: III
Course: BS Mathematics
College/School: College of Science [Institute of Mathematics! woohoo!]


Subjects: (for Year 3.1 only)
1. Math 122 (Differential Equations and Applications)
Professor: Dr. Yoshifumi Takenouchi

Section Background: Heto yung isa sa mga classes where we sought petition for an additional section. Surprisingly, yung section pa na yun ang unang napuno. More surprisingly, hindi si Ma'am Sy ang naging teacher namin (in contrast dun sa indicated sa CRS) kung hindi si Sir Yoshi. Hinimatay ako sa red underwear niya...

Subject Rating: 5 stars. Ang galing niyang magturo. Plantsadong-plantsado sa lahat ng sections. Scripted baga.
My Performance: 4 stars. Uno-able, kaso ang dali kong tamarin. T_T

2. Physics 10 (Physics and Astronomy for Pedestrians)
Professor: Dr. Carlo Amadeo Alonzo

Section Background: Isang GE. Dapat Chemistry 1 ang kukunin ko kaso dahil blockbuster hit, Physics 10 ang kinuha ko. No regrets. Masaya naman. Mahilig mag-drawing si Sir Alonzo ng rabbits. Kaya Sir Rabbit ang tawag namin sa kanya. Kaso dahil maraming walang pasok, hindi namin na-discuss yung astronomy. Type kong magturo sila Sir Blanca at Ma'am Legara, dalawa sa mga guest lecturers nung last part.

Subject Rating: 4.5 stars. Medyo magulo yung ibang guest lecturers kaya hindi perfect pero since magaling naman si Sir Rabbit at cute ang bunny drawings niya...
My Performance: 5 stars. May 6 stars ba? 8D

3. Koreyano 10 (Elementaring Koreyano I)
Professor: Dr. Bong-Cheol Lee (Visiting Professor)

Section Background: Dapat Hapon 10 ang kukunin ko pero dahil blockbuster Foreign Language Elective siya, I chose my second option. Lee-seonsaengnim was a bit slow in teaching at first pero biglang bumilis. Marami naman akong natutunan, kaso pahirapan talaga sa vocabs.

Subject Rating: 5 stars. In its purest form. Pero in reality, 3 stars lang.
My Performance: 5 stars. Dapat nga 10 stars, eh. Kaso 5 yung maximum. Saka, ang daya. May magic. Hindi ko siya na-uno. T_T

4. Math 123.1 (Advanced Calculus I)
Professor: Dr. Marian Roque

Section Background: Si Ma'am Roque na yata ang pinaka-sosyal na prof na nakilala ko. Sosyal manamit, sosyal magturo, sosyal tumawa. Kaso pag bumanat, nako, tamaan na ang tatamaan. Lol. E paano naman kasi, nasa same coset sila ni Geometry "Queen" (Disclaimer: Ma'am Roque daw ang former Geometry Queen. Parehong may 11th finger ang mga naturang reyna. Kaso yung kay Ma'am Roque, totoong 11th finger na nasa kamay niya yun. Yung sa isa pang "reyna", nasa somewhere down there. :P)

Subject Rating: 5 stars. Marami kang matututunan sa kanya. Lalo na sa mga banat.
Performance Rating: 4.99 stars. Sayang! Konting-konti nalang!!! T_T

5. Math 110.2 (Abstract Algebra I)
Professor: Dr. Julius Basilla

Section Background: Isa uli sa mga section na newly-opened. Natuwa naman ako, kasi si Sir JB uli ang magiging prof ko. Kasi marami kang matututunan sa kanya, math-related man o hindi. Kaso the way he teaches, according to a friend, ay "parang kwarto (office/faculty room) niya". Pero magaling talaga siya. Swear.

Subject Rating: 3 stars. Teka, dagdagan mo ng isang moon. At isang malaking emoticon na 8D.
My Performance: Blackhole. 0 out of 5 stars. Ang failure ko. T_T

6. Math 150.1 (Mathematical Statistics I)
Professor: Dr. Adrian Roy Valdez (1st 2 parts)/Dr. Jose Ma. Escaner IV (Last part)

Section Background: Ang section na ginamitan ko ng hacking para makuha. :P Opposite ends of spectrum ang way of teaching nila sa subject na ito. Sir Valdez is more theoretical, while Sir Escaner is more on applications.

Subject Rating: 5 stars. Di ko lang talaga siyang kayang i-appreciate.
My Performance: 3 stars. Nag-effort naman ako, no. Kahit hindi ko lang siya ma-absorb at ma-digest.



Overall Semester Rating: 4 stars. The best sem pa rin ung kay goddess Ma'am Zolah.
My Overall Performance: 4.5 stars. I never did better on any other sems than this one.



Other Things/Miscellaneous: NO COMMENT! >o<
==============
Post: Sembreak ko na nga pero di pa ako magse-celebrate. May dadamayan pa ako. 8D

Frustrations and Loss of Inspiration... And Failures

I woke up early so that I can go to UP early to review. When I was already there, I started reviewing at the library. After a few more scans and reads, I rested and met my friends. Practically, we were "enjoying" (there were 2 birthday celebrants) the times until our professor came.

EVERYTHING IS A DISASTER! I only know 2 out of 5 items. At the end, I answered 2.5/5 items. Here are my failures:

1. linear independence of vectors <=> non-singular coordinate matrix
~>I'd done the <= part. For the => part, I was trying the contrapositive. Later did I realize that I am almost done. Sadly, I don't know what to do that time.
Points: 0.5 x 7

2. how many sol's does AX=0 have if AX=B has no sol'n?
~>My answer: the nullity of A. The answer: infinitely many. My professor said, "Mapapamura ka kapag nalaman mo yung sagot". And he was right. This is actually related to the => part of 1.
Points: 0

3. find P s.t. P'AP is diagonal
~>Easy. I almost forgot the answer. If not for the hint given by my professor earlier, I will have no answer for this item.
Points: 1 x 7

4. if A^m is 0, show I-A is non-singular
~>Very Easy. Just abuse the series expansion of 1/(1-x).
Points: 1 x 7

5. if A is an orthogonal basis, then the norm is preserved on the linear transformation
~>No comment.
Points: 0 x 7

Total: 50%. FAILING
Final Grade: 67%. => 2.75. Letse. You broke my streak. T_T

Actually, before and during the exam, I was waiting for a divine intervention, but nothing came. Good thing, at home, there was popcorn and soda. At least they made me happy.

Arigato, Sensei!

Turns out, this day is good. 8D

I was so sleepy this morning. I slept at 5, woke up at 6. I (or, my parents) decided that I should take up the morning exam. I haven't reviewed, really. It was so stupid of me to drink coffee during midnight. I really feel sleepy. I thought this will be the end.

I slept at the bus. Yeah, and my talent resurfaced once again: I woke up exactly at the stop where I needed to go.

Forward to the exam time. It was sensei's birthday yesterday but I don't know how to greet him. I recognized later that our exam was our sample exam! Stupid! Argh!

At the middle of the exam, sensei suddenly approached me to give a book (that was a reward for... performing good. 8D) and took pictures of... me. 8D (well, he has a purpose for that; besides, he always brings that cam of his)

After I finished the exam, I submitted my answer sheet (ie, bluebook) to the proctor (sensei went to some place that time) and waited for my friend outside. My classmate was done and my prof went to the exam room again. So my friend and I went inside the room to ask him again. My friend asked for her book and I asked something about the thank-you letter.

I said to him at the end: Otanjobi omodetou.
And he replied: Arigato!

Kawaii!!!

Then other things came, like the result of my exam in Linear Algebra. I never expected to get a high grade. 8D

Basta, this day is so good... 8D

Cum Laude Standing!

I really, really, can't believe it. I thought my M150.1 (Math Stat) will be a disaster. But lady luck smiled and as of when that grade was released, I already attained THAT standing! w00t!

*commercial: hindi ko intensyon ang magbuhat ng sarili kong bangko. Wala naman kasing nagmamahal sakin nagbabasa ng blog ko.*

But what I'm fearing now is my status in M110.2 (Linear Algebra). Given I got the lowest passing grade of 3, I'm still in the same status. But that's not my main concern. I fear of failing that subject. I got that same feeling last M63 (Calculus 2), M64 (Calculus 3) and M110.1 (Group Theory). But the feeling gets worse chronologically as time passes. I fear I might fail. I really have to study hard.

But I had the greatest distraction of all time. That's my main problem.

I Want You So Much

You just don't know how much I miss you; more as each day pass...

I want to break away from my own zone and be with you. I want you. I want to hold your warm hands and place them in my cheeks. Then I will smell the scent of your hands and I will close my eyes. I want my hands to run on your hair, hold you on your chin and kiss you.

I want you. I want to tell you how much you mean to me. I want to hold you and hug you. I want you to be near me; as near as possible. I don't want you to go away. I want to touch your everything. I want to kiss you. I want you to teach me what love really means.

But that dream just ended. I cried. I don't want you away from me. I wanted you. You vanished like grains of sand carried away by the wind. I want you. I want you...

Plurk: A New "Place" to Rant

I just found out that cool site some people are talking about. And what's great about it is I found it, as the title says, a new place to rant.

Which means, I'll be putting less rants and random things on Multiply and more on Plurk. I'll now be putting more "meaningful" entries here since everything is cross-posted with Blogspot and Livejournal (I'm tired of removing those check marks).

to anonymous:
사랑해요~... <3

PS: I won't be blogging anymore on Friendster. It just sucks, it really does.