Putting Some Sense On This Post

Yeah, here I am again in front of a few people. This past few weeks, even though I told myself to stop ranting on my blog, I still can't help it. I broke a lot of promises I made. I even became too emotional. Then all of a sudden, I'll be having mood swings. I guess that's a reason why my very few "viewers" even dwindled in number. Like Plurk said, "Don't plurk too much. Don't put every single detail of your life in your viewable time-line or your viewers will stop following your life." Well, not the exact sentences, though, but the essence is there. So here goes.

1. Being a member of a prominent clan doesn't equate to you being rich. It hit me VERY HARD. Of our core family, I am the spendthrift. I spend all of my allowance on high-end snacks when I can eat on the local canteen. I thought we were rich enough. My parents keep telling me to save. Well, I keep lying to them that I do save. But no. I can't resist myself when I have the money. So I can't save. But, well, I'm trying to save now. I wanted my money for the next enrollment to come "from me". My parents expect a lot from me. My parents keep telling me to work and pay for my brother's tuition. Even I agree on that, not because I am forced, but because I wanted to.

And related to that issue, I realized that I have acquaintances who are, in my opinion, way richer than me. Well, it not that I don't want to make friends with them because I think they belittle me. I just think that they really have the capability to spend because of their status, when I am just, you know, "trying hard".

2. I tried to stop this awkward feeling from developing. I never knew I'll be this successful this time. Well, maybe because I did consider many realizations in my life. This time, I just have to apply them. If you want to know who that person is, I'll not be giving clues. Although I told X that this person is cute. X, you know who you are, and I trust you that you won't be telling this (well, but if Y insisted that you tell that to him, wala akong magagawa. T.T basta i-inyo na lang iyon, please? i have no intentions of telling that person. baka mapahiya lang ako sa kanya. >o<).

3. You may have noticed that, recently, I'm writing things I'd gladly call "crap", since I do it craply. At first, I am writing because I want the gods and goddesses of literature (yes, Y, ikaw yun. ikaw rin yun, Omega/Aki, basta marami kayo.) to lambaste my "works of art" (very masochistic. >o<). But now, even though I have no "followers/viewers", I'm now writing for my own personal satisfaction. I told some of you that I keep writing and writing but I never, ever, finished a single story, except for one (I was a Highschool Freshman back then). So, again, I am now writing for my self-accompolishment. If one appreciated my works, then good, I'd like to give you my thanks.

Thanks for spending/wasting a few minutes reading this. I hope, this time, this isn't as annoying as before. I hope I gave you my two-cents well. Ü

Random Things as of 28/11/08

1. Words of warning. Hindi ako poet. Puwet ako. So hindi poem 'yang nasa baba. :)

"You love someone better,
Yet you have a perfect lover.
You better keep her,
Or I'll claim her mine."

"You, who's the perfect lover:
I like the way you love.
Given the chance, I want you to love me.
I'll try to comfort you if he is to break you."

Ahh, fizz. Naisip ko na ito dati. Napakaganda ng version na iyon. Hindi ko lang maalala ngayon kaya, heto, pumangit. T.T



2. Na-realize ko na sinira ko na pala ang sarili ko sa isang tao na interesado ako. Napaka-bad move. Hindi ko naman kasi akalain na darating sa punto na magiging "obsessed" ako sa kanya. Buti pa yung kapatid ko. Kahit kanino, may mabibigyan siya ng matinong topic na pwede nilang pag-usapan. Ako, malabo akong kausap. Kaya pasensya na. Baka hindi pa malaman ng tao na iyon na nag-eexist ako. *sigh*



3. Ang bitter ko na naman. LOL. Nakakainis. Hehehe... Buti na lang hindi pa ako masyado distracted sa acads. Nakakainis lang. Dati, napaka-ideal ng pananaw ko sa relationships. Sabi ko noon, darating ang panahon na darating siya sa buhay ko, kung sino man siya. Kaso, ngayon, I'm in a rush. Pero hindi dapat. Kung "iyon" lang ang hanap ko, pupunta ako doon sa "lugar na iyon". Kapag nawala itong "hunger" ko, ibig sabihin, hindi talaga relationship ang habol ko. Pero kapag na-realize ko na after that ay hindi pa rin niya na-satisfy ang "hunger" ko, ibig sabihin, relationship nga ang habol ko. Nakakainis ako, ano, hindi ako concise. :P



4. Parang band-aid lang ang counselling sa akin. Temporary lang. Hindi ko kasi ma-apply. Either that or there is a very strong force that opposes what I know. Kulang lang ako ng guidance from God. =(

I'm Regretting It Again

Here I go again. I'm regretting that I rant.

Ang hirap kasi sa akin, pinaiiral ko ang emotions ko over my sanity. Ayun, kaya nagiging insane ako. T.T

Kung may na-offend man po ako sa mga recent posts ko, I'm sorry. I'm asking for your apology.

Please bear with me. Emotionally unstable po ako. I'll try to change for the good. Sana.

Magmo-moment Ulit Ako

I've been thinking a lot lately, and those thoughts were very unhealthy.

Dati, na-prove ko na hindi love ang nararamdaman ko sa 10 (yes, 10, excluding the first one) tao na "dumaan" sa buhay ko. Ngayon, malapit ko na ma-prove na lagpas 3/4 ng mga tinuturing kong kaibigan ay hindi kaibigan ang turing sa akin.

Nakakatuwa lang, kasi napaka-pathetic ko. Hinahanap ko ang "love of my life" pero sa friend fundamentals ay wala akong alam. Hindi ko talaga alam kung paano ikwa-qualify ang isang tao bilang friend ko. Although I can count 2 persons as my real friends (kilala mo kung sino ka, yung isa kasi walang Multiply dahil di naman ata sya mahilig sa mga ganito), yung iba hindi ko na talaga alam. Naguguluhan na ako.

Tulad ng sinabi ko, hindi ko alam kung paano talaga mag-classify kung kaibigan ko ba talaga yung tao o hindi. Ang pananaw ko kasi, napaka-ideal. Para akong tanga. Oo na, ako na po ang may kasalanan. HINDI NAMAN PO KASI AKO MARUNONG MAKIPAG-SOCIALIZE. Pasensya na.

Kaya next time bago ako mag-rant about romance, aasikasuhin ko muna ang sarili ko at paghusayin pa yung mga friendships na nabuo ko na. Sayang kasi. Ang dami ko nang nakaaaway. Ayaw ko nang madagdagan pa yon.

Survivor: Gabon: An Insight

Survivor has been known since year 2000. This show has been loved by almost everyone I knew.

To be completely honest, I just became a fan of this reality show when the 17th season aired on my favorite TV channel. So what I did so that I can have ideas about Survivor is to research on the Internet about the past seasons.

Outwit. Outplay. Outlast. This is the "tag line" of the show.

I was reading the forums earlier and I noticed a lot of fans-turned-to-haters. They keep complaining that the producers are manipulating the game too far as to favor Ken and Crystal and to diffuse the so-called Onion Alliance (the alliance originally formed by Marcus, Charlie, Jacquie, and Corrine). I annoyed by their whines. Maybe because I have biases in favor of Kenny, but no. That's not the reason.

One. The producers didn't orchestrated the second switching of tribes to save Ken's and Crystal's @$$es. Notice that in Episode 8, the ratio of the contenders on the new switched tribe was 3:2 in favor of the growing "Onion Alliance" so that they can smash the losing tribe (where Ken and Crystal belong). But what happened? Did they succeeded voting out Ken and Crystal? NO! Why? First, because the partitioning was based on picking up a number: clearly, no producers' intervention. As I said, the ratio was 3:2 so that the 2 aforementioned are about to be toasted. Second. Susie wasn't told by the producers who to vote out. It was Marcus's fault for not being careful on winding up a story. Mathematician's rule: trash all inconsistencies. Marcus had been proven inconsistent with his speech and his cover was blown due to the bond between Ken, Crystal, and Susie.

Two. Let me tell you something: if you're watching a reality show but you already know the outcome, will it still be fun to watch? My answer is NO! Many viewers were impressed by Marcus and Charlie and they want those two to win. In fact, they keep winning the challenges and they had the numbers so they can win anytime! The producers' intention, I think, is not to save the losing people but to shaken up a bit and watch what will be the response of the contenders. Fair enough? I just meant that despite their advantage (note previous paragraph), they were still crushed. I think their overconfidence was their key to destruction.

Three. When did Ken became incompetent? When did Ken became a whiner and an idiot? Note that on Episode 3, Ken beat Physics teacher Bob on a Math puzzle despite Ken solving it on a later time. On Episode 7, Ken (together with Matty) helped their team catch up with the challenge. Also, on that episode, he orchestrated the blindside against Ace. Say, who's the incompetent idiot?

I'm going to repeat again. OUTWIT. OUTPLAY. OUTLAST. Nothing will happen if only got physical strength. This is a game of survival, not a test of strength or speed. If you want those shows, then tune in to the next Olympic games. We know that we will do anything to survive, right?

Well, just a few of my rants. To be specific, this is a counter-rant and a counter-whine to those stupid loser viewers who want Marcus to win and show more of his pen!$. Or not just to Marcus but to those who side with him, notably Charlie.

Icons from www.cbs.com. Video image found everywhere.

MS Office Programs Gone Wrong

Naku, dapat 'di mo na 'to binuksan. LOL!

Nag-usap kasi kami ng younger brother ko then he came up with this:

Edison: Kuya...
Denji: Ano?! (paarte mode, as usual)
E: Narinig mo na ba ung Microsoft Worst?!
D: Worst?! [inner Denji: Aah... Word...] Oo, eh. Hahaha!
E: E ung Microsoft Powder Point?
D: E ung Microsoft Egg Cell?
E: Baka Microsoft Eggshell.
D: Hahaha! E ung Microsoft Polisher?
E: (rolling on the floor, laughing his internal organs off).

Kayo, ano pa maiisip nyo? Hehehe...

Japanese Food At Last!

Before I rode my bus home, I decided to eat first at Landmark Food Center (Trinoma). At first I thought I'll buy at Jollibee or KFC but when I saw Karate Kid, my stomach growled.

Yes, I ate california maki, gyudon, strawberry mousse, and red tea. There are two objectives/reasons why I ate there: (1) because I miss Japanese food, and (2) for my chopsticks skills not to dull since it's been months since I last ate with chopsticks.

Well, I just got better. Cute. Next time, I'll put it into a different level: I'll eat rice with chopsticks next time. ^^

No pictures, though, since I was too hungry to make those "preparations".

Care to join me the next time I eat Japanese food? :)

Youniverse: MY VisualDNA

Para sa mga di pumupunta ng homepage ko. Hehehe...:

My Schedule for This Semester (3.2 AY 08-09)

Ang ganda, di ba? Nakakainis. Wala akong Math 110.3. Major. Naubusan ng professor from Algebra Group. Supposedly that should have been on Wednesdays-Fridays as well.

Survivor: Mathematics (Episode 3)

[Finale?]

Denji can't sleep. He forced himself by 2 and he woke up by 7. He ate bacon and rice. And so he left.

He now got a green form from the College of Science. He went to the library first so that he can have his ID validated for the semester. From there he met Jan, waiting for an afternoon class. They chitchat and ate lunch together.

They met with some friends who are in the class of Math 171. They met with Regina and they went to the Shopping Center to have their meals. Regina then proceeded to pay something while Jan went to School of Economics and Denji to Palma Hall.

There was a discrepancy in the rooms. A Japanese class and the Korean class Denji is trying to enter had overlapping rooms, but after a few arrangements, they proceeded to a new room. Denji then unleashed the power of his green form. And then he was enlisted to the class. Sweet.

Then a series of "unfortunate events" fell upon his shoulders. His adviser had gone missing. After a few hours, someone stood as his adviser instead. Then he proceeded to pay but unfortunately he got the wrong line. But at that time, all the cashier offices are closed.

[The End?]

*photos available at the photos section*

===

Due to Survivor: Mathematics's low ratings, a new "show" that will be "aired" weekly will replace the said show. It's titled Daniel Jupiter and it will start next week. Only here on E-D-J, because "Admit it, we all suck. Literally and figuratively."

Survivor: Mathematics (Episode 2)

[Episode 2]

Denji woke up at 6am. But since it was raining and it was cold, he decided to "heat things up first." He ate rice and shrimp for breakfast by 7. He took a bath and left.

When he was at UP, he was marveled by the length of the line. When the line moved a little, he saw his friends from Theater: Kat and Jel. He decided to accompany them and moved to the back of the line. They were all marveled by the longer line now that reached the second floor of the building. They were chitchatting while the line is moving.

When they were done, he was invited by his friends to Glorietta, to which he agreed. They ate lunch at Kenny Rogers Roasters and they watched High School Musical 3. He went home afterwards, thinking how to execute his plan involving the green form.

[To be continued...]

*photos in the photos section*

Survivor: Mathematics (Episode 1)

[Episode 1]

Denji woke up at 5am. Ate rice and egg, took a bath, and went to UP.

As he was taking an FX ride, he saw lots of people in white. FEU students and UST students. He was surprised he didn't saw MCU students.

Then he rode. When he went down on SM, he remembered that he forgot his ballpen. He went to the nearest convenient store to buy himself a pen.

Then he rode the jeepney to UP. He went to the College of Science early and he got his registration materials. He soon learned that he can't get 7 Math subjects this semester, so he device a planned.

On the pre-advising, he tried his scheme to the current advisor. He said that he will finish the course in 3.5 years. But he failed and his adviser said: 6 subjects and an elective.

Rosa approached him, not to form an alliance, but to convince him to give his Special Topics slot to her. But since he loved the topics and the sensei so much, he instead decided to cancel later his Numerical Analysis slot.

Within that time, there was an alliance forming. One led by Regina and the other led by the Mark's. They plan to get Abstract Algebra III. Regina formed an alliance with Denji, and recruited other students like Eka. But soon, the Mark's soon formed a merge with Regina's alliance so that they can get the desired subject. As soon as the greater alliance was formed, they decided to "attack" Dr. Abarra.

As the plan was in process, Denji, together with Regina, Kai, and Rosa, grouped together and they went somewhere to have lunch and they talked a lot of topics not related to the "game" of Survivor. When they were finished, they decided to go back to see how the plan was going. So Kai, with he and Regina and Vanessa, went to Dr. Abarra, which told them to go to Dr. Nemenzo.

As they were in the front of his office, they wasted two hours. When they realized that, they went back to Dr. Abarra, only to realized that their plan "backfired" but they were advised to do that next time.

Denji then went to the post-advising. He split with Kai and Regina as he went to the computers for that dreaded thing called "Intent to Enroll" which seals his fate and his subjects. He then merged again with Regina and Kai, now with Jan and Rosa as they were waiting for their validated registration forms. Denji was a bit bored but he was delighted when he saw a certain Registration Assistant.

Kai and Regina ran to CSRC, splitting from the rest. Jan split as well as he needed to withdraw money. Rosa and he ran towards the University Registrar only to find out that the payment is in Palma Hall. They ran there, but it was too late: it was already 4:30PM. It means that they have to pay earlier tomorrow. Denji cursed and he was heard by all the people in the lobby.

He rode a jeepney to SM then rode a bus home. On his way, Regina texted that there were green forms at the College of Science, which made him smile because he was making another scheme in his head.

[To be Continued...]

*photos on the photos section*

I'm Ready for Tomorrow!

Waaah! Enrollment week, pero bukas pa lang ako mag-uumpisa.

At heto ang laman ng aking mahiwagang shoulder bag:

1. Heroes S1 (to lend to Regina)
2. Heroes S2 (to lend to Eka)
3. Heroes S3 (to lend to Kai)
4. The Purpose-Driven Life (inulit ko ang pagbabasa)
5. Bess with earphones (my N72, for soundtripping puposes)
6. ID and previous Form 5's (kailangan, I think)
7. Towels (madali akong pagpawisan, hehehe)
8. Gaara (my 5140i, for SMS's)

At heto ang dapat mangyari:

1. Kunin ang registration materials
2. Magpa-pre-advise
3. Mang-away Magpetition na kumuha ng Math 110.3
note: Di ako makakauha ng Koreyano 11 dahil bawal mag-overload. Sad.
4. Post-advise
5. Assesment and all that jazz sa CSLAB
6. Payment
7. Mag-mall! 8D

My Favorite Heroes Characters

Because of some event related to the USA Presidential Election, Heroes won't be showing this week. So I am going to make a tribute post: about my favorite characters. LOL.

Be warned though. This post might contain spoilers if you haven't watched until Season 2.

Now, onto the list...

Niki Sanders: The Superstrong Stripper

Who knows lasvegasniki.com? No one? Hahaha! That's Niki's website. That's where she earns her money for her and her son. Surprised? I know it's hard to be a single mother or when a mother is far away from her husband (in Niki's case, her husband is in jail). What's more pressing is that she has to make a living, she takes care of her son Micah, she has to escape from people she owed money, and struggle with her reflection. WHAT?!

Yes, Niki has this problem: Dissiociative Identity Disorder (DID), formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD). What's worse, her alternate personalty Jessica. Jessica's mean. She's badass. Plus, she's superstrong. Niki might have controlled her at the end. Plus, Niki also knew what she was capable off: whacking Sylar with a lightpost using a single hand is just a demonstration.

Why do I like Niki?

1. She is played by the beautiful actress Ali Larter. Well, I have a liking on Ali first when she played Niki, then Clear Rivers (Final Destination) and Brooke Taylor-Windham (Legally Blond). Oh, and also as Claire Redfield (Resident Evil: Extinction). Her portrayals are AWESOME!
   
2. I liked her story. Even though her story's more on the drama side, I completely appreciate how she coped up with the aforementioned problems.
3. I like Jessica as well. That makes Niki a dynamic character. One's good, other's ruthless. One's a stripper, other's an assassin. I particularly liked their line:
   Niki: God, please help me...
   Jessica: Who needs God when you got me?
   Their voices are sexy! Jessica's is sexier, though.
   
4. She saved Monica (her son's cousin), at the cost of her life. Pretty heroic for a death. The lame thing is that it all started from Damon's (Monica's younger brother) greed.

Elle Bishop: The Sadistic Electrocuter

Yes, she had wraths about her life. She loves it and she hates it. She's a killer machine with a mind of a kid. What's worse? Don't mess with his father, Bob, or you will be turned into a gold.

Elle has many issues. She has been experimented since she was a kid. She blossomed inside the laboratory, electrocuting circuits. She was diagnosed as a sociopath. But who would love a girl with such tweaking issues? I do!

Why do I like Elle?

1. She's a sadist. I'm a masochist. We're perfect [sex] partners.
2. She's beautiful! Swear! Seen Veronica Mars? Awww... Kristen Bell's beautiful!
   
3. She has cute screams. You'd want to hear her scream.
4. She delivers her lines pretty well. Simple lines such as "Hey you." and "He's cute. Can I keep him?" became cute when Bell delivered them. Keep me, Kristen, keep me!!!

Ando Masahashi: Partner in Time [and Space]

Lost has Korean characters. Heroes has Japanese. Well, James Kyson Lee is Korean, though. But Ando's Japanese. He's a simple office worker who's friends with Hiro Nakamura who can bend space-time continuum.

Hiro likes his powers. Ando likes girls. They may not get along, but when Hiro is in trouble there is Ando to save the day. Even though powerless, he's still a hero.

Why do I like Ando?

1. He's East-Asian. I find all East-Asians cute, though.
2. I liked his lines. I like the writers for that, though. Ando is a comic relief. First, he wants to find hope. The next thing is he meets a girl named Hope.
3. I liked how he pursuits girls. First Niki, then Hope, then Kimiko (Hiro's sister). Who's next?
   

No More End Points: Go On To Eternity

It's not just the time for me to think outside the box; it's time for me to MOVE outside the box.

I don't know the exact reason why am I trying to contain myself in a container that was not meant to fit me in. I used to blame my past for everything that's happening to me: the molestation done to me, my being socially inept, my conservative clan, the not being actually free. Then I realized: past is already past. It might be a cliché that I should have known better from the start, but no. I used to hold on to my past. I used to tell them, "Ah, ganito ako kasi ganiyan ang nangyari sa akin," or something like that.

I'm trying to reconstitiute myself this time. So I thought I analyze myself and re-segregate what's on my mind. Here are they as follows, then explanations later:

What I Want	What I Need
To have sex with a guy and a girl (not at the same time) so I can know how it feels like.1 To finish my course and find a job. To buy all the gadgets that I want to use, all the books that I want to read. To be a star/be famous. That the LGBT group be accepted in the community. To eat everything I fancy. Not to whine anymore/Get rid of my so-called "mood swings".	Someone that I really love and will love me as well. To make love with that person after, maybe, a month of relationship.2 To make solid, long-lasting friendships. To study Mathematics fruitfully and not to flush them out of my system again. To tell the world who I really am without worries. To learn to cook and to drive. To take risks.

Notes:
¹ My father once told me that I am just confused so he told me to take to some "massage parlor" where I can "lay a girl down", which I obligingly declined as of date.
² Which may mean Want#1 and Need#1 has to be satisfied first.

Look, the list is not complete. But that's just some of my thoughts that, I think, is "urgent" as of the meantime. But notice that both the 7^th lines are the most important to date. I don't need to confine myself in this place I'm in. I should go out: I should learn to accept failures because they are natural and it's through failures that we learn, right? And as my friend said: I need someone to talk to about my state. One person came in mind but I think she won't "have time for that" since she had problems of her own and I think that the only advise she can give me is, "That's life: Suck it up!"

I am to start a whole new life again (I said that a lot of times, but this time it's "different"). Haha, I'm lost at words. I think I'll post an update next time.