I don't know the exact reason why am I trying to contain myself in a container that was not meant to fit me in. I used to blame my past for everything that's happening to me: the molestation done to me, my being socially inept, my conservative clan, the not being actually free. Then I realized: past is already past. It might be a cliché that I should have known better from the start, but no. I used to hold on to my past. I used to tell them, "Ah, ganito ako kasi ganiyan ang nangyari sa akin," or something like that.
I'm trying to reconstitiute myself this time. So I thought I analyze myself and re-segregate what's on my mind. Here are they as follows, then explanations later:
What I Want | What I Need |
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1 My father once told me that I am just confused so he told me to take to some "massage parlor" where I can "lay a girl down", which I obligingly declined as of date.
2 Which may mean Want#1 and Need#1 has to be satisfied first.
Look, the list is not complete. But that's just some of my thoughts that, I think, is "urgent" as of the meantime. But notice that both the 7th lines are the most important to date. I don't need to confine myself in this place I'm in. I should go out: I should learn to accept failures because they are natural and it's through failures that we learn, right? And as my friend said: I need someone to talk to about my state. One person came in mind but I think she won't "have time for that" since she had problems of her own and I think that the only advise she can give me is, "That's life: Suck it up!"
I am to start a whole new life again (I said that a lot of times, but this time it's "different"). Haha, I'm lost at words. I think I'll post an update next time.
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