It's been rainy this past few day. It's cold and I can feel the wind as I go to our balcony. I was staring at the river (which is just at the beck of our house), looking at its ironically stagnant waves. I can see kangkong plants on the riverbanks and the harvesters sailing by them with their improvised boats. But that's not what's playing on my mind right now.
Every now and then, I'm trying to escape reality by thinking a lot of things. Usually, I'm thinking that I'm my own self-made character: Aerol Celeste. I'm always fabricating this things on my mind that I'm an aerokinetic and with a bunch of my friends, usually the pyrokinetic, cryokinetic, and electrokinetic, I always think that I'm saving the people very distant to me and hoping that they would recognize me.
That's the center of it: attention. It's something I always demand before. Maybe until today, but I don't really have that violent surges lately. It's not the attention that you think o that I wanted to be on top, or popular, or something but somehow I want those who touched my lives (crushes included) that I exist.
I've done very harsh things lately (but not violent) I just don't know why I'm doing those things. Probably I have an alternate personality, but no. It's all me. I've deleted those people from my contacts: those people whom I've felt the pain. I don't even know what the pain is. But the solution that I've always been thinking is to avoid, avoid, avoid.
I think I'm suffering from a very severe mental disease. Maybe insanity. Because what I always do is to act something without even thinking then lately, after realizing, I'll go apologize. Yes, I'm doing it again. That's what's hard with me: I can't even speak to myself and to those people.
I remember my dream this past few days. I have two dreams, both of my first love. The "stories" were different but the theme's the same: that person's avoiding me. Although I remember calling out to my first love, I'm still ignored. It's like this all the time: I don't want to feel embarrassed or rejected but it's always happening. The worse part is: I've generalized it to all people.
Now my insanity's striking me again, I'll be talking perhaps to a few people. Again. I don't know. Yeah, maybe I'm insane since they're the same set of people I've talk to last time I had this drama.
Friday, May 08, 2009
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Oops! Strike! I Did It Again.
Remember when 2009 opened and I was publishing my weekly life here on my blog with titles on what week of the year was it and a subtitle supporting my entry? Well, due to my idleness, once again, I called that to a halt. Well, I'm really annoying so I'm asking for your apology.
Well, this is the first summer in my college life that I did not enroll in any summer class. My mom finds it sort of a waste of money. I grabbed that chance to hopefully do something fruitful academically but I'm failing big time.
Now I'm entering the Fourth Year of my college life, but not my last. No, I haven't failed any of my subjects. It's that... I still have plans. Yes, taking up a Master's degree. Somehow I had a mixture of anxiety and excitement because graduation time is coming near. But it's next year anyway but being on the last year of my undergraduate life.... it's just giving me the jitters. :)
Well, this is the first summer in my college life that I did not enroll in any summer class. My mom finds it sort of a waste of money. I grabbed that chance to hopefully do something fruitful academically but I'm failing big time.
Now I'm entering the Fourth Year of my college life, but not my last. No, I haven't failed any of my subjects. It's that... I still have plans. Yes, taking up a Master's degree. Somehow I had a mixture of anxiety and excitement because graduation time is coming near. But it's next year anyway but being on the last year of my undergraduate life.... it's just giving me the jitters. :)
Sunday, April 19, 2009
15th Week: The Friday Yin and Yang
As you had read on my previous posts my black puppy, Robi, died. Recently, my other brown puppy, Mikee, won't eat as well. I'm really worried about them. My mom said that all of its siblings also died. She said that the probable cause is today's summer and it's extremely hot. Of course dogs won't die becuase of that. The factor that affected such is the puppies were less than 4 months old, where their "resistance" is still week. If Mikee happens to survive this summer, I'll be happier.
I submitted the requirements for dorm application this Friday. It's also the day that I'll get my ATM card and the check amounting the reinbursement for this school year's tuition fee, stipends, and book allowance from Bicutan. The latter sentece is about my scholarship from DOST.
I woke up by about 6 and left the house by past 7. I usually leave the house at most one hour after I woke up but since my face had grown forest, I had to shave my facial hair (I don't shave if I don't have outside appointments, pardon me). I went first to the Office of the University Registrar, hoping that I can pay my True Copy of Grades (TCG) there so I can go to the College of Science (CS) next. But the line by the cashier was too long so I decided to go out not before I discovered someone was paying for the subjects that person got via teacher's prerogative (prerog): it's my crush. I would normally be happy or my inner self would normally be jumping for joy, but neither happened. I really wonder why. After all this time, I dream about my crush involuntarily but today the "feeling" was lost. I'm still wondering why.
I proceeded to Philippine National Bank (PNB), far away from my previous destination. Thankfully, there's no line yet so I paid what I have to pay. After I left, a line suddenly appeared. Lucky me.
I went straight to the Shopping Center (SC) which is just nearby. I went to a studio to get me some ID pictures and went to a computer shop to have my printables... printed. The only requirement I was still lacking was the TCG and the photocopy of my Form 5, which I decided to do at CS.
When I reached CS, I immediately requested for the TCG but they said that they will release it by 1. I was worried because I will be late for an appointment... with Kat and Jel, my theater classmates. They planned on going to a mall and I came along. I todl them that I might be the cause of delay but they said they'll either wait for me or we'll meet up at the mall.
So I headed to Bicutan. I thought I'll be stuck at the MRT. Luckily from where I'm standing the door to the train was just straight in my face so despite the large density inside and outside the train, I barged in, hoping I'll be on time on my afternoon "appointment". I went first to Landbank to get my ATM card, went to DOST to getthe check and went back to Landbank to deposit the check to my ATM savings account.
As I return to UP, traffic became heavy on SLEX which is a first time for me. I sent Kat an SMS telling what's happening. She told me that the heavy traffic is just normal. I just blinked my eyes and stared blankly into space.
To compress the story, I got to UP by almost 2, got my TCG and photocopied my Form 5, met with Kat and Jel at a canteen, went to Office of Student Housing (OSH), just to find out that they will return the requirements to me. It's because of my father's annual income. Since he's a seaman, his income is not in pesos so I had to convert it at the ceiling rate of 50 pesos per dollar. They just won't accept my computation. Yet I did that to other forms such as when I took UPCAT and the scholarship.
So the three of us reached Trinoma by 3. I was trying to dispel my negative thoughts and instead I tried to enjoy the rest of the day. We ate at the Foodcourt of Landmark and bought myself lunch at Karate Kid. I tried to eat my luch with chopsticks and took it as my next lesson. So you know, I only used chopsticks on the following: okonomiyaki, california maki, ramen, gyoza. So this was the first time to use it on rice, which I successfully did. I was so happy! So from now on when I eat on an East Asian restaurant, I'll use chopsticks on my food. On non-soups, of course.
I submitted the requirements for dorm application this Friday. It's also the day that I'll get my ATM card and the check amounting the reinbursement for this school year's tuition fee, stipends, and book allowance from Bicutan. The latter sentece is about my scholarship from DOST.
I woke up by about 6 and left the house by past 7. I usually leave the house at most one hour after I woke up but since my face had grown forest, I had to shave my facial hair (I don't shave if I don't have outside appointments, pardon me). I went first to the Office of the University Registrar, hoping that I can pay my True Copy of Grades (TCG) there so I can go to the College of Science (CS) next. But the line by the cashier was too long so I decided to go out not before I discovered someone was paying for the subjects that person got via teacher's prerogative (prerog): it's my crush. I would normally be happy or my inner self would normally be jumping for joy, but neither happened. I really wonder why. After all this time, I dream about my crush involuntarily but today the "feeling" was lost. I'm still wondering why.
I proceeded to Philippine National Bank (PNB), far away from my previous destination. Thankfully, there's no line yet so I paid what I have to pay. After I left, a line suddenly appeared. Lucky me.
I went straight to the Shopping Center (SC) which is just nearby. I went to a studio to get me some ID pictures and went to a computer shop to have my printables... printed. The only requirement I was still lacking was the TCG and the photocopy of my Form 5, which I decided to do at CS.
When I reached CS, I immediately requested for the TCG but they said that they will release it by 1. I was worried because I will be late for an appointment... with Kat and Jel, my theater classmates. They planned on going to a mall and I came along. I todl them that I might be the cause of delay but they said they'll either wait for me or we'll meet up at the mall.
So I headed to Bicutan. I thought I'll be stuck at the MRT. Luckily from where I'm standing the door to the train was just straight in my face so despite the large density inside and outside the train, I barged in, hoping I'll be on time on my afternoon "appointment". I went first to Landbank to get my ATM card, went to DOST to getthe check and went back to Landbank to deposit the check to my ATM savings account.
As I return to UP, traffic became heavy on SLEX which is a first time for me. I sent Kat an SMS telling what's happening. She told me that the heavy traffic is just normal. I just blinked my eyes and stared blankly into space.
To compress the story, I got to UP by almost 2, got my TCG and photocopied my Form 5, met with Kat and Jel at a canteen, went to Office of Student Housing (OSH), just to find out that they will return the requirements to me. It's because of my father's annual income. Since he's a seaman, his income is not in pesos so I had to convert it at the ceiling rate of 50 pesos per dollar. They just won't accept my computation. Yet I did that to other forms such as when I took UPCAT and the scholarship.
So the three of us reached Trinoma by 3. I was trying to dispel my negative thoughts and instead I tried to enjoy the rest of the day. We ate at the Foodcourt of Landmark and bought myself lunch at Karate Kid. I tried to eat my luch with chopsticks and took it as my next lesson. So you know, I only used chopsticks on the following: okonomiyaki, california maki, ramen, gyoza. So this was the first time to use it on rice, which I successfully did. I was so happy! So from now on when I eat on an East Asian restaurant, I'll use chopsticks on my food. On non-soups, of course.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
14th Week (Part 2): Home Alone
Wednesday night, my mom told me a long list of household chores must-do before they leave. I kept tabs, slept, and by dusk I helped them to bring their luggage to the van.
As they left, I opened immediately Tracy (since I missed her so much) but before doing anything, as a responsible son, I did the household chores of the morning. After taking my bath with the bathroom door open (I felt slutty by that time) I continued my business with Tracy. I cooked skinless longganisa for lunch.
By afternoon, why I was doing my routinized check, I noticed ants on our stove outside (where I cook my dishes). I panicked at first, grabbed a wet rag, and wiped the stove. I spayed everything outside with our insect killer, I never knew what caused the chaos but then, I realized that I was checking it everyhour half-hour minute. After a hundred checks and realizing that our stove doesn't have ants anymore, I was relieved.
By Friday I noticed that Robi (my black puppy) wouldn't wat his meal while Mikee (my brown puppy) and Crystal (our Labrador) ate theirs hungrily. I was worried about Robi at that time and he was as thin as Robi [Domingo] by then. After I watered the plants I checked Robi again just to find out he hasn't ate even a nibble.
The day went as it should normally be (there were no more ants!). Nighttime came and it's time to feed the dogs once again. Robi didn't touch his previous food and it was thoroughly infested by ants. I cleaned his place first before giving them dog food. Mikee's serving vanished into thin air and so is Crystal's. I tried feeding Robi using my hands (I wish I could do that to Robi D!) but to no avail. He still wouldn't eat. So I just petted him and went to my dinner.
After my dinner when it just hit me to watch Gokusen 3 online so I watched the whole of it, from 11PM to 10AM (since I did my morning chores from 6AM-8AM). My eyes were very tired so I slept for a bit. I woke up by 1PM after receiving an SMS. So from there I ate my breakfast/lunch/afternoon snack. Except for that and Robi still not eating, everything's normal.
By Saturday my mom told me via SMS that they will go home by evening. I was about to say good-bye to my remaining hours of freedom when my mom told me again that they will go to Dingalan, Aurora to go to the beaches and hit back to NE to rest until Sunday. Yatta!
Everything was normal except that it was the spatula this time that was infested by ants (solved) and Robi's problem (unsolved). I slept early that day due to lack of sleep.
By Sunday, I woke up by 9 when my mom told me they will arrive by 10. So before everything else I cooked rice and corned beef. Just exactly after I'm done, they arrived home and they ate lunch as I finished the rest of the morning chores. Sadly Robi still won't eat. My mom was actually surprised upon learning that I was watering the plants even though she did not told me so.
I learned some important lessons while I was home alone. First, it's hard to live alone. It's not because there's no one to help me bur because having no one to talk to made me crazy. Second, household chores were harder that I imagined them. So I really understood why my mom's always annoyed. I will not resolve to carpentry, though. Last, be prepared for anything. After a few encounter with those ants, I realized that when faced with those problems I should not immediately call my mom because (1) she might be busy or not around, and (2) I can easily solve it on my own: I just have to think.
There was this "joke" that my mom told me. On their way to NE, my cousin (from previous entry) told my grandmother that he will first eat the dishes served by the mistress so in case it was poisoned, she will be saved. My uncle's (from previous entry) wife added that by chance, they will all be poisoned and killed. My mom apparently told them that it will not happen since the heir was left alone at home (she's actually referring to me). Actually I wasn't really the successor but let me explain why they said so.
My grandfather has 4 children with my grandmother: 3 girls (my mom is second) followed by my uncle. My older aunt has 5 children: 2 girls (one's older than me: she's the eldest of the grandchildren) followed by my cousin, another girl, and the adorable Prince: the youngest. My mom, as you know, has 3 children with I as the eldest. My younger aunt has 2 children has two children both younger than Prince. My uncle is not (yet) gifted with any. The old tradition dictates that the eldest son will be the successor. In that case that's my uncle. However another tradition follows that if the named successor has no male child then the new heir will be the eldest grandson which happened to be me (the tradition's sexist and I'm somehow off with that). Of course I really don't believe that set of traditions because it's old for the new age. Besides, what matters is what my parents will give me. 8P
End of "joke".
PS:
(1) What I want is someone who loves me and who I will love back. Lately I have dreams about my crush and I are a couple. I never dreamed about that with my previous crushes before. And my crush does not even know me and if it's not the case, it'll be very unlikely for us to be a couple according to my "research".
(2) My puppy, Robi, just died this afternoon. I was so sad that my mom said I was maarte.
As they left, I opened immediately Tracy (since I missed her so much) but before doing anything, as a responsible son, I did the household chores of the morning. After taking my bath with the bathroom door open (I felt slutty by that time) I continued my business with Tracy. I cooked skinless longganisa for lunch.
By afternoon, why I was doing my routinized check, I noticed ants on our stove outside (where I cook my dishes). I panicked at first, grabbed a wet rag, and wiped the stove. I spayed everything outside with our insect killer, I never knew what caused the chaos but then, I realized that I was checking it every
By Friday I noticed that Robi (my black puppy) wouldn't wat his meal while Mikee (my brown puppy) and Crystal (our Labrador) ate theirs hungrily. I was worried about Robi at that time and he was as thin as Robi [Domingo] by then. After I watered the plants I checked Robi again just to find out he hasn't ate even a nibble.
The day went as it should normally be (there were no more ants!). Nighttime came and it's time to feed the dogs once again. Robi didn't touch his previous food and it was thoroughly infested by ants. I cleaned his place first before giving them dog food. Mikee's serving vanished into thin air and so is Crystal's. I tried feeding Robi using my hands (I wish I could do that to Robi D!) but to no avail. He still wouldn't eat. So I just petted him and went to my dinner.
After my dinner when it just hit me to watch Gokusen 3 online so I watched the whole of it, from 11PM to 10AM (since I did my morning chores from 6AM-8AM). My eyes were very tired so I slept for a bit. I woke up by 1PM after receiving an SMS. So from there I ate my breakfast/lunch/afternoon snack. Except for that and Robi still not eating, everything's normal.
By Saturday my mom told me via SMS that they will go home by evening. I was about to say good-bye to my remaining hours of freedom when my mom told me again that they will go to Dingalan, Aurora to go to the beaches and hit back to NE to rest until Sunday. Yatta!
Everything was normal except that it was the spatula this time that was infested by ants (solved) and Robi's problem (unsolved). I slept early that day due to lack of sleep.
By Sunday, I woke up by 9 when my mom told me they will arrive by 10. So before everything else I cooked rice and corned beef. Just exactly after I'm done, they arrived home and they ate lunch as I finished the rest of the morning chores. Sadly Robi still won't eat. My mom was actually surprised upon learning that I was watering the plants even though she did not told me so.
I learned some important lessons while I was home alone. First, it's hard to live alone. It's not because there's no one to help me bur because having no one to talk to made me crazy. Second, household chores were harder that I imagined them. So I really understood why my mom's always annoyed. I will not resolve to carpentry, though. Last, be prepared for anything. After a few encounter with those ants, I realized that when faced with those problems I should not immediately call my mom because (1) she might be busy or not around, and (2) I can easily solve it on my own: I just have to think.
There was this "joke" that my mom told me. On their way to NE, my cousin (from previous entry) told my grandmother that he will first eat the dishes served by the mistress so in case it was poisoned, she will be saved. My uncle's (from previous entry) wife added that by chance, they will all be poisoned and killed. My mom apparently told them that it will not happen since the heir was left alone at home (she's actually referring to me). Actually I wasn't really the successor but let me explain why they said so.
My grandfather has 4 children with my grandmother: 3 girls (my mom is second) followed by my uncle. My older aunt has 5 children: 2 girls (one's older than me: she's the eldest of the grandchildren) followed by my cousin, another girl, and the adorable Prince: the youngest. My mom, as you know, has 3 children with I as the eldest. My younger aunt has 2 children has two children both younger than Prince. My uncle is not (yet) gifted with any. The old tradition dictates that the eldest son will be the successor. In that case that's my uncle. However another tradition follows that if the named successor has no male child then the new heir will be the eldest grandson which happened to be me (the tradition's sexist and I'm somehow off with that). Of course I really don't believe that set of traditions because it's old for the new age. Besides, what matters is what my parents will give me. 8P
End of "joke".
PS:
(1) What I want is someone who loves me and who I will love back. Lately I have dreams about my crush and I are a couple. I never dreamed about that with my previous crushes before. And my crush does not even know me and if it's not the case, it'll be very unlikely for us to be a couple according to my "research".
(2) My puppy, Robi, just died this afternoon. I was so sad that my mom said I was maarte.
14th Week (Part 1): This Mathematician Went to Nueva Ecija!
Removed due to "discrepancies". Look at the pictures instead.
Pictures found here.
Removed due to "discrepancies". Look at the pictures instead.
Pictures found here.
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
13th Week: Let's Get This Over With!
(Late Post)
Monday. I'll be taking my Math 123.2 Final Exam. I was exempted on taking the exam but I wasn't satisfied with my grade so I planned on taking it. Once again, with the help of my Project Paper, I did well in the exam to the point that I think I aced it. I think I just improved my grade! I just had to visit his blog at some day to see our final grades.
After that, I finished our Math 162 worksheet. Finally! I don't want to tell you the problems I've undergone to finish that. What matters is that it's finished and I can submit it on time.
Yes, I thought the Math 162 Final Exam is too easy, since I once again, employed the powers of my now beloved Project Paper. But no, the grade that I want will simply disappear into thin air. I hope that the worksheet will do me favors.
This week is a very fast week. I spent my Wednesday and Thursday doing nothing. Yes, what remains is my problem set but I still did nothing. I was hopeless, I will be depending on our discussion group with my classmates to get this done.
I saw Sir Lope's (my Math 123.2 professor) blog where he posted our grades. To my surprise, I got a high grade. I did not expect that grade since even I got a 100% in our Final Exam. So I placed a comment on that entry. But I'll talk to him this coming Friday, either way. Also, I saw my grades on my Math 162 via CRS. Sadly, I got a low grade.
By Friday, I went first to Ma'am Vallejos. I asked for my standing. To my surprise, I got a very high grade. I knew taking that long Final Exam will be worth taking. We talked about my thesis topic. We even went to the Administration Office to look at some papers I think we need. On that day, my topic is now nailed and she even gave me some readings! I was so happy that I finally decided on what I wanted to do! We went back to her room, and saw Olga and Kai waiting outside. Kai almost cried when she saw her passing grade and I thought Olga was, too.
After I went out, I saw Olga, apparently waiting for her adviser. I told her that we go to Department of Linguistics at the College of Arts and Letters (CAL) to see if our Korean professor has submitted our grades in our Korean class. Indeed, he passed the grades and we were not satisfied (well, at least I was). But at least we passed. I thought there was a setback, that for every high grade I got, there corresponds a low one.
By noon, I went to Regina and Jan by the Statistics Library to study and have our discussion groups. But Regina still has an exam that afternoon so Jan and I decided to continue it while she is taking her exam. It turns out, I can easily answer everything! Well, except for that number 6. Regina and I even stayed at the Math Building to continue it but we apparently can't make it. So I decided to pass it on Saturday. Yes, Saturday, since I finished it on Saturday morning after a long, dry spell. I knew how to solve it, and I gave her some hints how to solve it (6 was one of our common answers to solve). She solved it as well so I decided to pick her answers up and pass our answers.
I forgot that Saturday is also our overnight stay at BJ's house for the "sem-planning" of Sanlakas Youth. Sadly, there were only 5 of us. So what happened is a re-orientation (actually, a more intensive orientation), some more talks on certain issues affecting the country and UP, and food fest. At least after that I felt that I am really part of the organization and I know now what to do.
Monday. I'll be taking my Math 123.2 Final Exam. I was exempted on taking the exam but I wasn't satisfied with my grade so I planned on taking it. Once again, with the help of my Project Paper, I did well in the exam to the point that I think I aced it. I think I just improved my grade! I just had to visit his blog at some day to see our final grades.
After that, I finished our Math 162 worksheet. Finally! I don't want to tell you the problems I've undergone to finish that. What matters is that it's finished and I can submit it on time.
Yes, I thought the Math 162 Final Exam is too easy, since I once again, employed the powers of my now beloved Project Paper. But no, the grade that I want will simply disappear into thin air. I hope that the worksheet will do me favors.
This week is a very fast week. I spent my Wednesday and Thursday doing nothing. Yes, what remains is my problem set but I still did nothing. I was hopeless, I will be depending on our discussion group with my classmates to get this done.
I saw Sir Lope's (my Math 123.2 professor) blog where he posted our grades. To my surprise, I got a high grade. I did not expect that grade since even I got a 100% in our Final Exam. So I placed a comment on that entry. But I'll talk to him this coming Friday, either way. Also, I saw my grades on my Math 162 via CRS. Sadly, I got a low grade.
By Friday, I went first to Ma'am Vallejos. I asked for my standing. To my surprise, I got a very high grade. I knew taking that long Final Exam will be worth taking. We talked about my thesis topic. We even went to the Administration Office to look at some papers I think we need. On that day, my topic is now nailed and she even gave me some readings! I was so happy that I finally decided on what I wanted to do! We went back to her room, and saw Olga and Kai waiting outside. Kai almost cried when she saw her passing grade and I thought Olga was, too.
After I went out, I saw Olga, apparently waiting for her adviser. I told her that we go to Department of Linguistics at the College of Arts and Letters (CAL) to see if our Korean professor has submitted our grades in our Korean class. Indeed, he passed the grades and we were not satisfied (well, at least I was). But at least we passed. I thought there was a setback, that for every high grade I got, there corresponds a low one.
By noon, I went to Regina and Jan by the Statistics Library to study and have our discussion groups. But Regina still has an exam that afternoon so Jan and I decided to continue it while she is taking her exam. It turns out, I can easily answer everything! Well, except for that number 6. Regina and I even stayed at the Math Building to continue it but we apparently can't make it. So I decided to pass it on Saturday. Yes, Saturday, since I finished it on Saturday morning after a long, dry spell. I knew how to solve it, and I gave her some hints how to solve it (6 was one of our common answers to solve). She solved it as well so I decided to pick her answers up and pass our answers.
I forgot that Saturday is also our overnight stay at BJ's house for the "sem-planning" of Sanlakas Youth. Sadly, there were only 5 of us. So what happened is a re-orientation (actually, a more intensive orientation), some more talks on certain issues affecting the country and UP, and food fest. At least after that I felt that I am really part of the organization and I know now what to do.
12th Week: It's All Worth It
(Late Post)
Starting this week, I stopped my usual Internet/social sites visit so that I can fully concentrate on my studies. Somehow, Facebook was an exemption since, I think, that's the only way that some people can connect to me.
I fully-employed the utility of my Project Paper. It has served me as my reviewer. This time, I wrote in there some formulas for my Math 162 exam. Guess what, I did that immediately after my Math 171 class which is just right before my exam! Yes, I obviously "failed" answering the exam. On the light side, I felt that I did here better that the previous exams. But I'm still afraid of my standing. I think I was turning into a grade-conscious freak, ain't I?
I told Ma'am Vallejos that I'll be taking the long Final Exam in Math 171. It's long since if we take that, our Midterm Exam will be disregarded and our grade in the Final Exam will serve as our grade in our Midterm Exam as well. I asked for my standing, and I wanted to take the risk. Yes, I passed the Midterm Exam but somehow I wasn't satisfied. Also, we're (or, I think, I'm) still struggling with my thesis topic.
By the way, this Tuesday was the end of the class for the semester, so I spent my Wednesday and Thursday doing my Math 162 and Math 171. I also used my notebook to rewrite my Math 171 notes. Up to this point, I'm still struggling with my Math 162 worksheet. So once again, I set that aside to pave way for my Math 171 review that I hope to ace. Friday is the start of the Exam Week, by the way.
So the day of reckoning came. I was sitting in the cold examination room, hoping that the Math 171 exam will be easy. Yes, I had struggles with computations but everything was answerable in my level. I was so happy I thought I can ace this. I think it's all worth it! Yosh!
I received a message that night, saying that there were some changes to our exam in Math 150.2 the following day. Gasp, I haven't reviewed that yet! I had absolutely no idea to answer the upcoming exams! But before I negatively react further, the message says that instead of an exam, we're going to solve problem sets instead due Tuesday and we will either have a lighter oral or seat-in exam depending on what we agree on that Saturday.
So another surprise came that Saturday. The oral/seat-in exam was scrapped! Yes! But the thing is, we're going to solve 4 out of 6 items in the problem set. The catch is? Six taken four is fifteen (if you don't understand this, this is just combinatorics) and we were 15 in class, I think, so we had to draw lots on what items to solve. Each paper has four items, and what I got contains the hardest item: number 6! But the good thing is that we can submit this by April 7 (at least for the undergraduates). But I said to myself that I want to pass this on the 3rd (the deadline for the graduates).
Starting this week, I stopped my usual Internet/social sites visit so that I can fully concentrate on my studies. Somehow, Facebook was an exemption since, I think, that's the only way that some people can connect to me.
I fully-employed the utility of my Project Paper. It has served me as my reviewer. This time, I wrote in there some formulas for my Math 162 exam. Guess what, I did that immediately after my Math 171 class which is just right before my exam! Yes, I obviously "failed" answering the exam. On the light side, I felt that I did here better that the previous exams. But I'm still afraid of my standing. I think I was turning into a grade-conscious freak, ain't I?
I told Ma'am Vallejos that I'll be taking the long Final Exam in Math 171. It's long since if we take that, our Midterm Exam will be disregarded and our grade in the Final Exam will serve as our grade in our Midterm Exam as well. I asked for my standing, and I wanted to take the risk. Yes, I passed the Midterm Exam but somehow I wasn't satisfied. Also, we're (or, I think, I'm) still struggling with my thesis topic.
By the way, this Tuesday was the end of the class for the semester, so I spent my Wednesday and Thursday doing my Math 162 and Math 171. I also used my notebook to rewrite my Math 171 notes. Up to this point, I'm still struggling with my Math 162 worksheet. So once again, I set that aside to pave way for my Math 171 review that I hope to ace. Friday is the start of the Exam Week, by the way.
So the day of reckoning came. I was sitting in the cold examination room, hoping that the Math 171 exam will be easy. Yes, I had struggles with computations but everything was answerable in my level. I was so happy I thought I can ace this. I think it's all worth it! Yosh!
I received a message that night, saying that there were some changes to our exam in Math 150.2 the following day. Gasp, I haven't reviewed that yet! I had absolutely no idea to answer the upcoming exams! But before I negatively react further, the message says that instead of an exam, we're going to solve problem sets instead due Tuesday and we will either have a lighter oral or seat-in exam depending on what we agree on that Saturday.
So another surprise came that Saturday. The oral/seat-in exam was scrapped! Yes! But the thing is, we're going to solve 4 out of 6 items in the problem set. The catch is? Six taken four is fifteen (if you don't understand this, this is just combinatorics) and we were 15 in class, I think, so we had to draw lots on what items to solve. Each paper has four items, and what I got contains the hardest item: number 6! But the good thing is that we can submit this by April 7 (at least for the undergraduates). But I said to myself that I want to pass this on the 3rd (the deadline for the graduates).
11th Week: Scheduling My Final Exams "Month"
(Late Post)
Taking out a piece of yellow paper inserted in one of my notebooks, I wrote down my schedule for the coming three weeks, including this week. I have no issues with my schedule, except for my Math 150.2 Final Exam. It's because the date for the exam is still uncertain. It's either next Tuesday, with Math 162, or next Saturday. As you see, I'm haven't really studied on this subject and I don't really know anything. As I write my schedule it turns out that I had time for everything, from reviewing to doing some computer projects.
I should be answering the Math 162 exercises by Tuesday and do the worksheet by Wednesday but, you know me, I didn't follow my schedule. Instead, I devoted those days to answer the exercises. My goal is to answer 33 because these exercises also serve as blackboard recitations. But because I am great, I only managed to answer 12. But it's an improvement from 2 items during the first third of the semester and 11 during the second.
I brought Tracy by Thursday because I don't have majority of classes by that day, so I grabbed the opportunity to start the worksheet that had been stagnant in my laptop foryearsmonths. Sadly there were technical problems that I need to study and fix. I never knew that a "finisher"''s job is hard! Today also I was expecting an SMS from my groupmates in my Korean class, but nothing came. I was just hoping that our presentation is easy to memorize and do because the presentation will be on the following day!
So came Friday. Yes, the presentation was easy... so easy that it was lame. The good thing is, Korean classes are now done! The bad thing is our grades were still unpredictable. After the presentation there was food fest. I found out that pichi-pichi is well-paired with spiced dilis! Our professor also gave us some Choco Pie and a Nagaraya-ish snack direct from Korea! Yay, so I ate a lot. And later that night, I used my Project Paper (a vertical Steno-ish notebook) to rewrite my notes on Math 123.2 to serve as my reviewer as well.
Immediately the day after, Saturday, was our third exam in Math 123.2. I was happy I did well in the 3rd exam. But something's telling me it isn't right. I spent the rest of the weekend doing my exercises and programming projects on Math 171.
Taking out a piece of yellow paper inserted in one of my notebooks, I wrote down my schedule for the coming three weeks, including this week. I have no issues with my schedule, except for my Math 150.2 Final Exam. It's because the date for the exam is still uncertain. It's either next Tuesday, with Math 162, or next Saturday. As you see, I'm haven't really studied on this subject and I don't really know anything. As I write my schedule it turns out that I had time for everything, from reviewing to doing some computer projects.
I should be answering the Math 162 exercises by Tuesday and do the worksheet by Wednesday but, you know me, I didn't follow my schedule. Instead, I devoted those days to answer the exercises. My goal is to answer 33 because these exercises also serve as blackboard recitations. But because I am great, I only managed to answer 12. But it's an improvement from 2 items during the first third of the semester and 11 during the second.
I brought Tracy by Thursday because I don't have majority of classes by that day, so I grabbed the opportunity to start the worksheet that had been stagnant in my laptop for
So came Friday. Yes, the presentation was easy... so easy that it was lame. The good thing is, Korean classes are now done! The bad thing is our grades were still unpredictable. After the presentation there was food fest. I found out that pichi-pichi is well-paired with spiced dilis! Our professor also gave us some Choco Pie and a Nagaraya-ish snack direct from Korea! Yay, so I ate a lot. And later that night, I used my Project Paper (a vertical Steno-ish notebook) to rewrite my notes on Math 123.2 to serve as my reviewer as well.
Immediately the day after, Saturday, was our third exam in Math 123.2. I was happy I did well in the 3rd exam. But something's telling me it isn't right. I spent the rest of the weekend doing my exercises and programming projects on Math 171.
Friday, March 13, 2009
10th Week: Edj Getting Busy
Everything, within the past month, was overwhelming for me. It's within that month that I got a lot of firsts: first time to somehow help campaign during the election, first time to meet a lot of people, first time to muster up courage in such a short while, first time to be very busy in general.
By Tuesday I got Ma'am Vallejos to sign the "agreement" form, stating that she is my thesis adviser and I should have it done by 1st semester next year. I am normally uncomfortable to do tasks that involves "requirements" (in this case, getting an adviser and have him/her sign the said form) and I usually have a companion with me. It's those times that I can't do things alone. But I think this week is the start of my independence in the sense that I manage to do things alone with just a little help from others. Anyway, I told her the topics that I want to tackle and I said that it's up to her what should I do. I told her I wanted to either solve the Heat equation, solve Einstein's field equation, or compare and optimize methods for solving ordinary differential equations (ODE). The first one was her suggested topic to me while the rest were my researched topics, which she liked. She said that she's going to tell me my topic by next week.
By Thursday we saw students who were applying to be Sir Escaner's advisees (he is an analogy to box-office hit movies), and since it appeared that we were waiting with them. While waiting for our last class, Regina and I were talking about a transcendental professor and his/her minions (the gender of the professor will never be disclosed) and about how should we perform on our colloquium. And while we were talking, we saw Sir Basilla walking around the Math Building.
By Friday, I attended Sanlakas Youth's last General Assembly. Regina can't come since she has to come home, so here is another first for me (the GA). It's a good thing BJ and Primo were very accommodating. We listened first to the Educational Discussion and we talked among themselves about it afterward. Surprisingly, each of us has to talk about the thoughts on the issues, and I tackled it mathematically. I just don't know why I did that but I know that my thoughts were of little value to them. Surprisingly, Primo interpreted my thoughts right (it's about extrapolation). As we were going home, BJ told me that up to this point, this was the ED that he appreciated much because we all got to say our thoughts unlike before that, according to him, everything's just absorption. He's still even joking about the recruitment (he started it during the victory party).
Finals week is now fast approaching. And I'm getting even more busy.
By Tuesday I got Ma'am Vallejos to sign the "agreement" form, stating that she is my thesis adviser and I should have it done by 1st semester next year. I am normally uncomfortable to do tasks that involves "requirements" (in this case, getting an adviser and have him/her sign the said form) and I usually have a companion with me. It's those times that I can't do things alone. But I think this week is the start of my independence in the sense that I manage to do things alone with just a little help from others. Anyway, I told her the topics that I want to tackle and I said that it's up to her what should I do. I told her I wanted to either solve the Heat equation, solve Einstein's field equation, or compare and optimize methods for solving ordinary differential equations (ODE). The first one was her suggested topic to me while the rest were my researched topics, which she liked. She said that she's going to tell me my topic by next week.
By Thursday we saw students who were applying to be Sir Escaner's advisees (he is an analogy to box-office hit movies), and since it appeared that we were waiting with them. While waiting for our last class, Regina and I were talking about a transcendental professor and his/her minions (the gender of the professor will never be disclosed) and about how should we perform on our colloquium. And while we were talking, we saw Sir Basilla walking around the Math Building.
By Friday, I attended Sanlakas Youth's last General Assembly. Regina can't come since she has to come home, so here is another first for me (the GA). It's a good thing BJ and Primo were very accommodating. We listened first to the Educational Discussion and we talked among themselves about it afterward. Surprisingly, each of us has to talk about the thoughts on the issues, and I tackled it mathematically. I just don't know why I did that but I know that my thoughts were of little value to them. Surprisingly, Primo interpreted my thoughts right (it's about extrapolation). As we were going home, BJ told me that up to this point, this was the ED that he appreciated much because we all got to say our thoughts unlike before that, according to him, everything's just absorption. He's still even joking about the recruitment (he started it during the victory party).
Finals week is now fast approaching. And I'm getting even more busy.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
9th Week: Successes and Failures: To Comply and To Interact
Last weekend, Sir Emil sent me an "invite" to KAISA's Victory Party at Monday night. Since I knew beforehand that my mom will allow me, I replied to the number specified that I would come. After all the tralala's, I asked Regina if she received the same invite to which she was negative. We came into a conjecture that the people who knew her number ran out of credits. So from that point I insisted to drag her along because in the first place, she is the more active member of the organization than I am.
Supposedly, on Monday, I should be attending the recognition of CS at CS (Catch my drift? They're College Scholars and College of Science, respectively.) by early morning. But I purposely woke up at 9AM, the usual time I wake up on Monday mornings. I packed a few shirts and towelettes and bagged in a few extra stash of cash. I told my mom that just in case I found a place to stay overnight, I will do so. Surprisingly, she agreed. And I knew that for a few days, I will miss my authoritarian mom.
So there, I went to the mall first to buy some stuff before proceeding to my class. After it, since it's too early to come to the party, I first asked Sir Basilla about a few tweaking details. Disappointingly, I failed to find the answers that I need. So what does that mean? Prior to everything, I "enlisted" myself to be an 'advisee' of Sir Basilla. But since I found myself "incompatible" to the Great Lord of IM (Institute of Math), I told myself to go to either Sir Takenouchi or Ma'am Vallejos (when I speak of the latter as my thesis adviser to my friends, they will be shocked and they are telling me if I am serious of the matter, on which I'm positive).
So Regina and I talked while waiting for the time to come. After some time, she received a call while she was taking a nap. From her responses, it seemed to be a member of the org trying to tell her about the party. Talk about official invitation!
So we went to KFC Katipunan Ave, the supposed meeting place 5 steps away from the venue. From there we met Sir BJ, the VC of Sanlakas Youth. Well, that's just the start of me meeting new people. To exaggerate, I already met hundreds of KAISA members just at KFC! And after I queried about my dilemma, they said that I can stay together with a few people at the headquarters of KAISA! Problem solved!
At the venue (it was, if I remember correctly, at Xanland), I met more people and got to know some of them. And there was a problem regarding the number of people in the venue. The place can only hold 50 people but 150 people are expected. I was surprised when they were packing and headed for their Plan B!
The venue was actually moved to Ma'am Steph's house. Since there were a lot of people, the place somehow became small. After the general "program", there were games, food fest, people being thrown to the pool and lots of [wild] dancing. They started by 8 and packed up by 1. What a long night!
So we now headed to the HQ where I stayed. The "living room" was a bit messy due to election paraphernalia lying everywhere, but I managed to get a spot and eat a little before I go to sleep. At a corner of a room, I snugged myself and slept. Everything went normal, and Tuesday came. I woke up early and took a bath. I left to school with a few people, including Sir Jose (or should I put it Councilor Jose, whichever you prefer) and we walked together to Math Building once we're at UP.
I don't know, but it's like a social aspect level-up for me. Within a night, I got to know a lot of people. They were a lot that I actually forgot some of them (sorry!). I guess that's one thing I have to improve on: name recalling.
Ma'am Vallejos dismissed us early so I grabbed that time to talk to her and tell her that I want her to be my thesis adviser (which she affirmed, and gave me a topic) and from that point on, I became happy, knowing that my thesis work will have a direction[al vector]. Why her, you asked? It's because I want to do numerical analysis and I want to employ something which has algorithms, and I found her perfect to be my adviser. So from that night on, I researched on what topics do I want to tackle.
When I went home, my mother is suddenly experiencing mood swings. She easily gets angry and gets back to being authoritative. But it's just some days before when I told myself that I miss my authoritarian mom. I should be careful what I wish for!
By Wednesday, as I am to come to my Korean class. I met Ma'am Laura and she recognized me, so we somehow greeted each other. You may say that it's a trivial thing so just pretend that I'm a child and it's my first time to interact with other people aside from my family, friends, and teachers. Seriously. My social aspect has never been like a bomb!
Thursday came. Sir Takenouchi asked our class who will be his 'advisees'. He said he can accommodate three students. Precious and Goegie claimed the two spots and left the last one hanging. Sir Takenouchi asked Kai about who's her thesis adviser, to which she replied "Sir Basilla" and Sir Takenouchi commented that he is good. He then asked me the same question, and I said, lying, that I'm still undecided. He told us that our class was his top priority and some students who are not in his class want to be enlisted as his 'advisees', so he's basically "waiting for me" and that thwarted a hole in my heart. He then asked me who I'm still considering, and I told him the one that I talked earlier.
No classes on Math 150.2 so we were dismissed early. Jan and I saw Kai and Precious so I joined with the two ride a jeepney to SM North (Jan was riding a jeepney to Pantranco). It has been an hour or so before we hailed a jeep and we keep on calling myself the jinx, the one who brings bad luck. Surprisingly, I thought someone was waving at me (or I think it was my imagination). To my surprise, I saw Sir Bong (or should I put it Councilor Bong, whichever you prefer). I waved back.
By Friday, Sir Takenouchi sent me an SMS, telling me if I have decided on who will my adviser will be. Somehow, I felt negatively different. I cringed while replying that somebody else can take that slot. He then sent a reply telling me that "It's ok. You should choose the one who gave you your favorite topic." It's kind of heartbreaking so I came to a resolve that I will do my best on this thesis. I told Regina what happened while she was teaching me some Math lessons.
It's night when we were done. While I was walking home, I saw my friends from UP Tomo-Kai. Apparently, it was Luke's birthday and she gave me some charm for studies. She also invited me with her friends for her treat at Yellow Cab, which I agreed to joined. It was at Katipunan Ave so while traversing the way, Monday's events sank in again. Well, the dinner was fun and cute. I thought we caused some chaos there since we were too noisy and we were playing a game. And note: we are on a long table!
Somehow, I've been ecstatically happy and I am busy lately. And if you've been asking if I address the people by Sir or Ma'am, it's just because I'm intimidated to write about them by first-name basis.
Supposedly, on Monday, I should be attending the recognition of CS at CS (Catch my drift? They're College Scholars and College of Science, respectively.) by early morning. But I purposely woke up at 9AM, the usual time I wake up on Monday mornings. I packed a few shirts and towelettes and bagged in a few extra stash of cash. I told my mom that just in case I found a place to stay overnight, I will do so. Surprisingly, she agreed. And I knew that for a few days, I will miss my authoritarian mom.
So there, I went to the mall first to buy some stuff before proceeding to my class. After it, since it's too early to come to the party, I first asked Sir Basilla about a few tweaking details. Disappointingly, I failed to find the answers that I need. So what does that mean? Prior to everything, I "enlisted" myself to be an 'advisee' of Sir Basilla. But since I found myself "incompatible" to the Great Lord of IM (Institute of Math), I told myself to go to either Sir Takenouchi or Ma'am Vallejos (when I speak of the latter as my thesis adviser to my friends, they will be shocked and they are telling me if I am serious of the matter, on which I'm positive).
So Regina and I talked while waiting for the time to come. After some time, she received a call while she was taking a nap. From her responses, it seemed to be a member of the org trying to tell her about the party. Talk about official invitation!
So we went to KFC Katipunan Ave, the supposed meeting place 5 steps away from the venue. From there we met Sir BJ, the VC of Sanlakas Youth. Well, that's just the start of me meeting new people. To exaggerate, I already met hundreds of KAISA members just at KFC! And after I queried about my dilemma, they said that I can stay together with a few people at the headquarters of KAISA! Problem solved!
At the venue (it was, if I remember correctly, at Xanland), I met more people and got to know some of them. And there was a problem regarding the number of people in the venue. The place can only hold 50 people but 150 people are expected. I was surprised when they were packing and headed for their Plan B!
The venue was actually moved to Ma'am Steph's house. Since there were a lot of people, the place somehow became small. After the general "program", there were games, food fest, people being thrown to the pool and lots of [wild] dancing. They started by 8 and packed up by 1. What a long night!
So we now headed to the HQ where I stayed. The "living room" was a bit messy due to election paraphernalia lying everywhere, but I managed to get a spot and eat a little before I go to sleep. At a corner of a room, I snugged myself and slept. Everything went normal, and Tuesday came. I woke up early and took a bath. I left to school with a few people, including Sir Jose (or should I put it Councilor Jose, whichever you prefer) and we walked together to Math Building once we're at UP.
I don't know, but it's like a social aspect level-up for me. Within a night, I got to know a lot of people. They were a lot that I actually forgot some of them (sorry!). I guess that's one thing I have to improve on: name recalling.
Ma'am Vallejos dismissed us early so I grabbed that time to talk to her and tell her that I want her to be my thesis adviser (which she affirmed, and gave me a topic) and from that point on, I became happy, knowing that my thesis work will have a direction[al vector]. Why her, you asked? It's because I want to do numerical analysis and I want to employ something which has algorithms, and I found her perfect to be my adviser. So from that night on, I researched on what topics do I want to tackle.
When I went home, my mother is suddenly experiencing mood swings. She easily gets angry and gets back to being authoritative. But it's just some days before when I told myself that I miss my authoritarian mom. I should be careful what I wish for!
By Wednesday, as I am to come to my Korean class. I met Ma'am Laura and she recognized me, so we somehow greeted each other. You may say that it's a trivial thing so just pretend that I'm a child and it's my first time to interact with other people aside from my family, friends, and teachers. Seriously. My social aspect has never been like a bomb!
Thursday came. Sir Takenouchi asked our class who will be his 'advisees'. He said he can accommodate three students. Precious and Goegie claimed the two spots and left the last one hanging. Sir Takenouchi asked Kai about who's her thesis adviser, to which she replied "Sir Basilla" and Sir Takenouchi commented that he is good. He then asked me the same question, and I said, lying, that I'm still undecided. He told us that our class was his top priority and some students who are not in his class want to be enlisted as his 'advisees', so he's basically "waiting for me" and that thwarted a hole in my heart. He then asked me who I'm still considering, and I told him the one that I talked earlier.
No classes on Math 150.2 so we were dismissed early. Jan and I saw Kai and Precious so I joined with the two ride a jeepney to SM North (Jan was riding a jeepney to Pantranco). It has been an hour or so before we hailed a jeep and we keep on calling myself the jinx, the one who brings bad luck. Surprisingly, I thought someone was waving at me (or I think it was my imagination). To my surprise, I saw Sir Bong (or should I put it Councilor Bong, whichever you prefer). I waved back.
By Friday, Sir Takenouchi sent me an SMS, telling me if I have decided on who will my adviser will be. Somehow, I felt negatively different. I cringed while replying that somebody else can take that slot. He then sent a reply telling me that "It's ok. You should choose the one who gave you your favorite topic." It's kind of heartbreaking so I came to a resolve that I will do my best on this thesis. I told Regina what happened while she was teaching me some Math lessons.
It's night when we were done. While I was walking home, I saw my friends from UP Tomo-Kai. Apparently, it was Luke's birthday and she gave me some charm for studies. She also invited me with her friends for her treat at Yellow Cab, which I agreed to joined. It was at Katipunan Ave so while traversing the way, Monday's events sank in again. Well, the dinner was fun and cute. I thought we caused some chaos there since we were too noisy and we were playing a game. And note: we are on a long table!
Somehow, I've been ecstatically happy and I am busy lately. And if you've been asking if I address the people by Sir or Ma'am, it's just because I'm intimidated to write about them by first-name basis.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
