Ye Must Desire Respite From Thy Empty Existence...

It's Been a Long Time

2009-10-24T00:50:00.000-07:00

... since I last posted something here. My Last Year-First Semester had been a roller-coaster ride for me. It's very calm at first then when exams drew near, I had so much trouble reviewing. Come thesis defense and I was almost out of my mind. This semester had been too catastrophic in random proportions.

No, not that I don't love Multiply anymore but it's because I'm logging in into my Facebook account more often. Yeah, guess what who made me inspired to write again: Julie Powell. So I had a resolution.

For this past semester, I watched a lot of movies but I haven't given even a single review to one of them. So, to be attached to Multiply again, and to sharpen my grammar once more, I will try to put a review of each movie that I had watched for the past semester. By the way, sorry if you happen to read this on anywhere but Multiply. I love cross-posting. So just replace "Multiply" by "blog". Here goes.

The list of movies I watched this year yet I don't have a review (in random order, feel free to add if I forgot something):

Julie and Julia
Push
Up
Monsters vs Aliens
G-Force
Obsessed (How could I almost forget this?)
Kimmy Dora
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Ice Age 3: The Meltdown

I do not want to include the movies during/as required by my PI 100 class. I just don't want to.

On UAAP Cheerdance Competition and Jollibee's Coca-cola UAAP Bottles

2009-09-14T05:37:00.000-07:00

It was Sunday, 13th of September. The day was fated. It's time...

It's my first time in Araneta Center (oftem mispronounced as Aranaera :P)!

That day is the day when the UAAP Cheerdance Competiton for this season was held. If not for some "circumstances" I would had a seat. But, then again, standing with the [cheering] crowd was another first for me!

I saw everything (except for UP's performance), and everything was good.

Adamson: I saw beauty in chaos. Or was it that I liked their Oriental theme?

NU: Very clean perf yet, to quote Simon Cowell, forgettable.

UST: I felt they wouldn't make it. I even thought NU's was better.

DLSU: Again, another beauty in chaos. I liked their concept, they just didn't execute it properly.

UP: Because of the crowd, I haven't seen their perf. I thought they wouldn't make it, too.

Ateneo: No biases, but I LOVE ATENEO'S! Modern yet classical, simple yet grand. I liked the moonwalk!

UE: Very close. It was almost good if not for the ending. It ruined everything.

FEU: Sarimanok nailed it. It was very good. I thought it was the battle between them and Ateneo.

3rd was UP, 2nd was Ateneo, 1st was FEU. I thought they deserved the ranks. It might be very, very late, but I think I got the UAAP fever!

Jollibee's latest offering is their limited edition Coca-cola UAAP Bottles. They come in 8 designs: 8 colors with a simple design of what university-member they represent. I got them the next day. I got UP's and Ateneo's but I thought I'd get DLSU's as well.

To get them just order a burger value meal at Jollibee, upsize fries and drink to Double Go-Large, and claim your bottles! Happy collecting!

Schedule 1st Sem A.Y. 2009-2010

2009-06-08T20:00:00.000-07:00

Time	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday
8:30-10:00	Math 110.3		Math 110.3
10:00-11:30	Math 128	Math 164	Math 128	Math 164
11:30-1:00	PI 100		PI 100
1:00-1:30
1:30-2:30	Physics 73	Physics 73	Physics 73	Physics 73

Part-Drunk

2009-05-31T03:00:00.000-07:00

Parties... I rarely attend this things. Most probably because I really can't live the life of a party. For me, it's mostly food... and alcohol... and dancing.

A reunion/birthday party happened yesterday. The two celebrants were from my grandfather's generation. The other one's older, even. Yes, there were lots of food, and iced tea from that cute fountain/punch bowl. And there was music.

The music was probably swing or cha cha cha. (Yes, it's really called cha cha cha, but people are now calling it as cha cha) My feet were stomping. The DI of the sister-in-law of my grandfather was there, dancing with the "oldies". Out of nowhere, I pulled my sister and I taught her a lot of moves that I learned from my PE class. Our feet hurts but we had fun. That's the first party that I danced.

I stuffed myself with lots of food, I helped myself at least thrice. At the later portions, bottles of beer came out. I got one for myself and finished it. After that, I got tipsy. I don't know why. But I was sure by that time that my alcohol tolerance lowered. Yes, I know what I was doing: silly, childish movements.

The next day there was another food-fest. The same food were served. More drinks came out: there was champagne (I drank 2 glasses), apple cider (I didn't like that), and the ethereal Chivas Regal (I drank 1 glass). I never knew the latter is one heck of a hard drink I had a hard time finishing it.

Somehow, I did not become drunk by that time. I don't know why. Those drinks, I think, have higher alcohol content than the beer I drank (the light variant). At times, I wanted to become really drunk (with blackouts) but I just can't achieve that. Or probably, I know what I'm doing whenever I'm drunk?

The Broken Ribs of Wrath

2009-05-18T23:54:00.000-07:00

Whenever we're possessed by wrath, our eyes see nothing but darkness. Anger swirls around our hearts. We can't think of nothing but to somehow take vengeance on what made us angry. And with this, unfortunate things happen.

It was that rainy, fateful Wednesday when my mom and my sis went to my grandma's house to stay the afternoon there with my aunt, uncle, and cousins. My mom called me and she told me to take out the spaghetti she cooked from our ref and wait for my uncle downstairs. She said that my uncle is already on the motorcycle on the way here to pick that up, which means that I have to hurry. The time it takes from there to here on a motorcycle is less than a minute. Yet I waited for more than 10 minutes. I hate the fact that she instructed me to hurry and wait for a slowpoke for eternity.

At last I heard the blessed motorcycle. I came down with feelings of annoyance. I passed the spaghetti to him, still angry. What happened next is way off and unpredictable.

I was to go up again. I am about to make my first step on the stairs when I suddenly slipped, butt first. What's unfortunate is that my left rib hit the edge of the step of the stairs. I was wailing in pain, all wet due to the terrace's wet floor. I limply went up and called my brother while he think that everything happened to me was a big joke. I tried to gasp for air for no avail. I soundlessly asked water from my brother. As he gave it to me, he's asking me if I was okay while he was laughing.

Yes I know it was stupid of me to let such stupidity to happen. When my mother learned about it she insisted that I was in a hurry to go back upstairs so the accident happened, to which I objected. I told her that I was blinded by fury that time so that I slipped on the wet, algae-grown floor. To add salt to the wounds, she's asking the obvious by blatantly telling me if it was my uncle or I who was injured by the incident.

Until now, it still hurts but not really that much. I just cringe in pain every time I change positions while I lay down. The pain reminded me not just to be careful every time I walk, but to at least temper that flaming fury every time I'm angry.

What's Happening To Me?

2009-05-08T02:18:00.000-07:00

It's been rainy this past few day. It's cold and I can feel the wind as I go to our balcony. I was staring at the river (which is just at the beck of our house), looking at its ironically stagnant waves. I can see kangkong plants on the riverbanks and the harvesters sailing by them with their improvised boats. But that's not what's playing on my mind right now.

Every now and then, I'm trying to escape reality by thinking a lot of things. Usually, I'm thinking that I'm my own self-made character: Aerol Celeste. I'm always fabricating this things on my mind that I'm an aerokinetic and with a bunch of my friends, usually the pyrokinetic, cryokinetic, and electrokinetic, I always think that I'm saving the people very distant to me and hoping that they would recognize me.

That's the center of it: attention. It's something I always demand before. Maybe until today, but I don't really have that violent surges lately. It's not the attention that you think o that I wanted to be on top, or popular, or something but somehow I want those who touched my lives (crushes included) that I exist.

I've done very harsh things lately (but not violent) I just don't know why I'm doing those things. Probably I have an alternate personality, but no. It's all me. I've deleted those people from my contacts: those people whom I've felt the pain. I don't even know what the pain is. But the solution that I've always been thinking is to avoid, avoid, avoid.

I think I'm suffering from a very severe mental disease. Maybe insanity. Because what I always do is to act something without even thinking then lately, after realizing, I'll go apologize. Yes, I'm doing it again. That's what's hard with me: I can't even speak to myself and to those people.

I remember my dream this past few days. I have two dreams, both of my first love. The "stories" were different but the theme's the same: that person's avoiding me. Although I remember calling out to my first love, I'm still ignored. It's like this all the time: I don't want to feel embarrassed or rejected but it's always happening. The worse part is: I've generalized it to all people.

Now my insanity's striking me again, I'll be talking perhaps to a few people. Again. I don't know. Yeah, maybe I'm insane since they're the same set of people I've talk to last time I had this drama.

Oops! Strike! I Did It Again.

2009-05-05T22:49:00.000-07:00

Remember when 2009 opened and I was publishing my weekly life here on my blog with titles on what week of the year was it and a subtitle supporting my entry? Well, due to my idleness, once again, I called that to a halt. Well, I'm really annoying so I'm asking for your apology.

Well, this is the first summer in my college life that I did not enroll in any summer class. My mom finds it sort of a waste of money. I grabbed that chance to hopefully do something fruitful academically but I'm failing big time.

Now I'm entering the Fourth Year of my college life, but not my last. No, I haven't failed any of my subjects. It's that... I still have plans. Yes, taking up a Master's degree. Somehow I had a mixture of anxiety and excitement because graduation time is coming near. But it's next year anyway but being on the last year of my undergraduate life.... it's just giving me the jitters. :)

15th Week: The Friday Yin and Yang

2009-04-19T23:52:00.000-07:00

As you had read on my previous posts my black puppy, Robi, died. Recently, my other brown puppy, Mikee, won't eat as well. I'm really worried about them. My mom said that all of its siblings also died. She said that the probable cause is today's summer and it's extremely hot. Of course dogs won't die becuase of that. The factor that affected such is the puppies were less than 4 months old, where their "resistance" is still week. If Mikee happens to survive this summer, I'll be happier.

I submitted the requirements for dorm application this Friday. It's also the day that I'll get my ATM card and the check amounting the reinbursement for this school year's tuition fee, stipends, and book allowance from Bicutan. The latter sentece is about my scholarship from DOST.

I woke up by about 6 and left the house by past 7. I usually leave the house at most one hour after I woke up but since my face had grown forest, I had to shave my facial hair (I don't shave if I don't have outside appointments, pardon me). I went first to the Office of the University Registrar, hoping that I can pay my True Copy of Grades (TCG) there so I can go to the College of Science (CS) next. But the line by the cashier was too long so I decided to go out not before I discovered someone was paying for the subjects that person got via teacher's prerogative (prerog): it's my crush. I would normally be happy or my inner self would normally be jumping for joy, but neither happened. I really wonder why. After all this time, I dream about my crush involuntarily but today the "feeling" was lost. I'm still wondering why.

I proceeded to Philippine National Bank (PNB), far away from my previous destination. Thankfully, there's no line yet so I paid what I have to pay. After I left, a line suddenly appeared. Lucky me.

I went straight to the Shopping Center (SC) which is just nearby. I went to a studio to get me some ID pictures and went to a computer shop to have my printables... printed. The only requirement I was still lacking was the TCG and the photocopy of my Form 5, which I decided to do at CS.

When I reached CS, I immediately requested for the TCG but they said that they will release it by 1. I was worried because I will be late for an appointment... with Kat and Jel, my theater classmates. They planned on going to a mall and I came along. I todl them that I might be the cause of delay but they said they'll either wait for me or we'll meet up at the mall.

So I headed to Bicutan. I thought I'll be stuck at the MRT. Luckily from where I'm standing the door to the train was just straight in my face so despite the large density inside and outside the train, I barged in, hoping I'll be on time on my afternoon "appointment". I went first to Landbank to get my ATM card, went to DOST to getthe check and went back to Landbank to deposit the check to my ATM savings account.

As I return to UP, traffic became heavy on SLEX which is a first time for me. I sent Kat an SMS telling what's happening. She told me that the heavy traffic is just normal. I just blinked my eyes and stared blankly into space.

To compress the story, I got to UP by almost 2, got my TCG and photocopied my Form 5, met with Kat and Jel at a canteen, went to Office of Student Housing (OSH), just to find out that they will return the requirements to me. It's because of my father's annual income. Since he's a seaman, his income is not in pesos so I had to convert it at the ceiling rate of 50 pesos per dollar. They just won't accept my computation. Yet I did that to other forms such as when I took UPCAT and the scholarship.

So the three of us reached Trinoma by 3. I was trying to dispel my negative thoughts and instead I tried to enjoy the rest of the day. We ate at the Foodcourt of Landmark and bought myself lunch at Karate Kid. I tried to eat my luch with chopsticks and took it as my next lesson. So you know, I only used chopsticks on the following: okonomiyaki, california maki, ramen, gyoza. So this was the first time to use it on rice, which I successfully did. I was so happy! So from now on when I eat on an East Asian restaurant, I'll use chopsticks on my food. On non-soups, of course.

14th Week (Part 2): Home Alone

2009-04-14T03:03:00.000-07:00

Wednesday night, my mom told me a long list of household chores must-do before they leave. I kept tabs, slept, and by dusk I helped them to bring their luggage to the van.

As they left, I opened immediately Tracy (since I missed her so much) but before doing anything, as a responsible son, I did the household chores of the morning. After taking my bath with the bathroom door open (I felt slutty by that time) I continued my business with Tracy. I cooked skinless longganisa for lunch.

By afternoon, why I was doing my routinized check, I noticed ants on our stove outside (where I cook my dishes). I panicked at first, grabbed a wet rag, and wiped the stove. I spayed everything outside with our insect killer, I never knew what caused the chaos but then, I realized that I was checking it every ~~hour~~ ~~half-hour~~ minute. After a hundred checks and realizing that our stove doesn't have ants anymore, I was relieved.

By Friday I noticed that Robi (my black puppy) wouldn't wat his meal while Mikee (my brown puppy) and Crystal (our Labrador) ate theirs hungrily. I was worried about Robi at that time and he was as thin as Robi [Domingo] by then. After I watered the plants I checked Robi again just to find out he hasn't ate even a nibble.

The day went as it should normally be (there were no more ants!). Nighttime came and it's time to feed the dogs once again. Robi didn't touch his previous food and it was thoroughly infested by ants. I cleaned his place first before giving them dog food. Mikee's serving vanished into thin air and so is Crystal's. I tried feeding Robi using my hands (I wish I could do that to Robi D!) but to no avail. He still wouldn't eat. So I just petted him and went to my dinner.

After my dinner when it just hit me to watch Gokusen 3 online so I watched the whole of it, from 11PM to 10AM (since I did my morning chores from 6AM-8AM). My eyes were very tired so I slept for a bit. I woke up by 1PM after receiving an SMS. So from there I ate my breakfast/lunch/afternoon snack. Except for that and Robi still not eating, everything's normal.

By Saturday my mom told me via SMS that they will go home by evening. I was about to say good-bye to my remaining hours of freedom when my mom told me again that they will go to Dingalan, Aurora to go to the beaches and hit back to NE to rest until Sunday. Yatta!

Everything was normal except that it was the spatula this time that was infested by ants (solved) and Robi's problem (unsolved). I slept early that day due to lack of sleep.

By Sunday, I woke up by 9 when my mom told me they will arrive by 10. So before everything else I cooked rice and corned beef. Just exactly after I'm done, they arrived home and they ate lunch as I finished the rest of the morning chores. Sadly Robi still won't eat. My mom was actually surprised upon learning that I was watering the plants even though she did not told me so.

I learned some important lessons while I was home alone. First, it's hard to live alone. It's not because there's no one to help me bur because having no one to talk to made me crazy. Second, household chores were harder that I imagined them. So I really understood why my mom's always annoyed. I will not resolve to carpentry, though. Last, be prepared for anything. After a few encounter with those ants, I realized that when faced with those problems I should not immediately call my mom because (1) she might be busy or not around, and (2) I can easily solve it on my own: I just have to think.

There was this "joke" that my mom told me. On their way to NE, my cousin (from previous entry) told my grandmother that he will first eat the dishes served by the mistress so in case it was poisoned, she will be saved. My uncle's (from previous entry) wife added that by chance, they will all be poisoned and killed. My mom apparently told them that it will not happen since the heir was left alone at home (she's actually referring to me). Actually I wasn't really the successor but let me explain why they said so.

My grandfather has 4 children with my grandmother: 3 girls (my mom is second) followed by my uncle. My older aunt has 5 children: 2 girls (one's older than me: she's the eldest of the grandchildren) followed by my cousin, another girl, and the adorable Prince: the youngest. My mom, as you know, has 3 children with I as the eldest. My younger aunt has 2 children has two children both younger than Prince. My uncle is not (yet) gifted with any. The old tradition dictates that the eldest son will be the successor. In that case that's my uncle. However another tradition follows that if the named successor has no male child then the new heir will be the eldest grandson which happened to be me (the tradition's sexist and I'm somehow off with that). Of course I really don't believe that set of traditions because it's old for the new age. Besides, what matters is what my parents will give me. 8P

End of "joke".

PS:
(1) What I want is someone who loves me and who I will love back. Lately I have dreams about my crush and I are a couple. I never dreamed about that with my previous crushes before. And my crush does not even know me and if it's not the case, it'll be very unlikely for us to be a couple according to my "research".
(2) My puppy, Robi, just died this afternoon. I was so sad that my mom said I was maarte.

2009-04-14T02:52:00.000-07:00

14th Week (Part 1): This Mathematician Went to Nueva Ecija!

Removed due to "discrepancies". Look at the pictures instead.

Pictures found here.

13th Week: Let's Get This Over With!

2009-04-07T03:28:00.002-07:00

(Late Post)

Monday. I'll be taking my Math 123.2 Final Exam. I was exempted on taking the exam but I wasn't satisfied with my grade so I planned on taking it. Once again, with the help of my Project Paper, I did well in the exam to the point that I think I aced it. I think I just improved my grade! I just had to visit his blog at some day to see our final grades.

After that, I finished our Math 162 worksheet. Finally! I don't want to tell you the problems I've undergone to finish that. What matters is that it's finished and I can submit it on time.

Yes, I thought the Math 162 Final Exam is too easy, since I once again, employed the powers of my now beloved Project Paper. But no, the grade that I want will simply disappear into thin air. I hope that the worksheet will do me favors.

This week is a very fast week. I spent my Wednesday and Thursday doing nothing. Yes, what remains is my problem set but I still did nothing. I was hopeless, I will be depending on our discussion group with my classmates to get this done.

I saw Sir Lope's (my Math 123.2 professor) blog where he posted our grades. To my surprise, I got a high grade. I did not expect that grade since even I got a 100% in our Final Exam. So I placed a comment on that entry. But I'll talk to him this coming Friday, either way. Also, I saw my grades on my Math 162 via CRS. Sadly, I got a low grade.

By Friday, I went first to Ma'am Vallejos. I asked for my standing. To my surprise, I got a very high grade. I knew taking that long Final Exam will be worth taking. We talked about my thesis topic. We even went to the Administration Office to look at some papers I think we need. On that day, my topic is now nailed and she even gave me some readings! I was so happy that I finally decided on what I wanted to do! We went back to her room, and saw Olga and Kai waiting outside. Kai almost cried when she saw her passing grade and I thought Olga was, too.

After I went out, I saw Olga, apparently waiting for her adviser. I told her that we go to Department of Linguistics at the College of Arts and Letters (CAL) to see if our Korean professor has submitted our grades in our Korean class. Indeed, he passed the grades and we were not satisfied (well, at least I was). But at least we passed. I thought there was a setback, that for every high grade I got, there corresponds a low one.

By noon, I went to Regina and Jan by the Statistics Library to study and have our discussion groups. But Regina still has an exam that afternoon so Jan and I decided to continue it while she is taking her exam. It turns out, I can easily answer everything! Well, except for that number 6. Regina and I even stayed at the Math Building to continue it but we apparently can't make it. So I decided to pass it on Saturday. Yes, Saturday, since I finished it on Saturday morning after a long, dry spell. I knew how to solve it, and I gave her some hints how to solve it (6 was one of our common answers to solve). She solved it as well so I decided to pick her answers up and pass our answers.

I forgot that Saturday is also our overnight stay at BJ's house for the "sem-planning" of Sanlakas Youth. Sadly, there were only 5 of us. So what happened is a re-orientation (actually, a more intensive orientation), some more talks on certain issues affecting the country and UP, and food fest. At least after that I felt that I am really part of the organization and I know now what to do.

12th Week: It's All Worth It

2009-04-07T03:28:00.001-07:00

(Late Post)

Starting this week, I stopped my usual Internet/social sites visit so that I can fully concentrate on my studies. Somehow, Facebook was an exemption since, I think, that's the only way that some people can connect to me.

I fully-employed the utility of my Project Paper. It has served me as my reviewer. This time, I wrote in there some formulas for my Math 162 exam. Guess what, I did that immediately after my Math 171 class which is just right before my exam! Yes, I obviously "failed" answering the exam. On the light side, I felt that I did here better that the previous exams. But I'm still afraid of my standing. I think I was turning into a grade-conscious freak, ain't I?

I told Ma'am Vallejos that I'll be taking the long Final Exam in Math 171. It's long since if we take that, our Midterm Exam will be disregarded and our grade in the Final Exam will serve as our grade in our Midterm Exam as well. I asked for my standing, and I wanted to take the risk. Yes, I passed the Midterm Exam but somehow I wasn't satisfied. Also, we're (or, I think, I'm) still struggling with my thesis topic.

By the way, this Tuesday was the end of the class for the semester, so I spent my Wednesday and Thursday doing my Math 162 and Math 171. I also used my notebook to rewrite my Math 171 notes. Up to this point, I'm still struggling with my Math 162 worksheet. So once again, I set that aside to pave way for my Math 171 review that I hope to ace. Friday is the start of the Exam Week, by the way.

So the day of reckoning came. I was sitting in the cold examination room, hoping that the Math 171 exam will be easy. Yes, I had struggles with computations but everything was answerable in my level. I was so happy I thought I can ace this. I think it's all worth it! Yosh!

I received a message that night, saying that there were some changes to our exam in Math 150.2 the following day. Gasp, I haven't reviewed that yet! I had absolutely no idea to answer the upcoming exams! But before I negatively react further, the message says that instead of an exam, we're going to solve problem sets instead due Tuesday and we will either have a lighter oral or seat-in exam depending on what we agree on that Saturday.

So another surprise came that Saturday. The oral/seat-in exam was scrapped! Yes! But the thing is, we're going to solve 4 out of 6 items in the problem set. The catch is? Six taken four is fifteen (if you don't understand this, this is just combinatorics) and we were 15 in class, I think, so we had to draw lots on what items to solve. Each paper has four items, and what I got contains the hardest item: number 6! But the good thing is that we can submit this by April 7 (at least for the undergraduates). But I said to myself that I want to pass this on the 3rd (the deadline for the graduates).

11th Week: Scheduling My Final Exams "Month"

2009-04-07T03:28:00.000-07:00

(Late Post)

Taking out a piece of yellow paper inserted in one of my notebooks, I wrote down my schedule for the coming three weeks, including this week. I have no issues with my schedule, except for my Math 150.2 Final Exam. It's because the date for the exam is still uncertain. It's either next Tuesday, with Math 162, or next Saturday. As you see, I'm haven't really studied on this subject and I don't really know anything. As I write my schedule it turns out that I had time for everything, from reviewing to doing some computer projects.

I should be answering the Math 162 exercises by Tuesday and do the worksheet by Wednesday but, you know me, I didn't follow my schedule. Instead, I devoted those days to answer the exercises. My goal is to answer 33 because these exercises also serve as blackboard recitations. But because I am great, I only managed to answer 12. But it's an improvement from 2 items during the first third of the semester and 11 during the second.

I brought Tracy by Thursday because I don't have majority of classes by that day, so I grabbed the opportunity to start the worksheet that had been stagnant in my laptop for ~~years~~months. Sadly there were technical problems that I need to study and fix. I never knew that a "finisher"''s job is hard! Today also I was expecting an SMS from my groupmates in my Korean class, but nothing came. I was just hoping that our presentation is easy to memorize and do because the presentation will be on the following day!

So came Friday. Yes, the presentation was easy... so easy that it was lame. The good thing is, Korean classes are now done! The bad thing is our grades were still unpredictable. After the presentation there was food fest. I found out that pichi-pichi is well-paired with spiced dilis! Our professor also gave us some Choco Pie and a Nagaraya-ish snack direct from Korea! Yay, so I ate a lot. And later that night, I used my Project Paper (a vertical Steno-ish notebook) to rewrite my notes on Math 123.2 to serve as my reviewer as well.

Immediately the day after, Saturday, was our third exam in Math 123.2. I was happy I did well in the 3rd exam. But something's telling me it isn't right. I spent the rest of the weekend doing my exercises and programming projects on Math 171.

10th Week: Edj Getting Busy

2009-03-13T22:20:00.000-07:00

Everything, within the past month, was overwhelming for me. It's within that month that I got a lot of firsts: first time to somehow help campaign during the election, first time to meet a lot of people, first time to muster up courage in such a short while, first time to be very busy in general.

By Tuesday I got Ma'am Vallejos to sign the "agreement" form, stating that she is my thesis adviser and I should have it done by 1st semester next year. I am normally uncomfortable to do tasks that involves "requirements" (in this case, getting an adviser and have him/her sign the said form) and I usually have a companion with me. It's those times that I can't do things alone. But I think this week is the start of my independence in the sense that I manage to do things alone with just a little help from others. Anyway, I told her the topics that I want to tackle and I said that it's up to her what should I do. I told her I wanted to either solve the Heat equation, solve Einstein's field equation, or compare and optimize methods for solving ordinary differential equations (ODE). The first one was her suggested topic to me while the rest were my researched topics, which she liked. She said that she's going to tell me my topic by next week.

By Thursday we saw students who were applying to be Sir Escaner's advisees (he is an analogy to box-office hit movies), and since it appeared that we were waiting with them. While waiting for our last class, Regina and I were talking about a transcendental professor and his/her minions (the gender of the professor will never be disclosed) and about how should we perform on our colloquium. And while we were talking, we saw Sir Basilla walking around the Math Building.

By Friday, I attended Sanlakas Youth's last General Assembly. Regina can't come since she has to come home, so here is another first for me (the GA). It's a good thing BJ and Primo were very accommodating. We listened first to the Educational Discussion and we talked among themselves about it afterward. Surprisingly, each of us has to talk about the thoughts on the issues, and I tackled it mathematically. I just don't know why I did that but I know that my thoughts were of little value to them. Surprisingly, Primo interpreted my thoughts right (it's about extrapolation). As we were going home, BJ told me that up to this point, this was the ED that he appreciated much because we all got to say our thoughts unlike before that, according to him, everything's just absorption. He's still even joking about the recruitment (he started it during the victory party).

Finals week is now fast approaching. And I'm getting even more busy.

9th Week: Successes and Failures: To Comply and To Interact

2009-03-10T03:00:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, Sir Emil sent me an "invite" to KAISA's Victory Party at Monday night. Since I knew beforehand that my mom will allow me, I replied to the number specified that I would come. After all the tralala's, I asked Regina if she received the same invite to which she was negative. We came into a conjecture that the people who knew her number ran out of credits. So from that point I insisted to drag her along because in the first place, she is the more active member of the organization than I am.

Supposedly, on Monday, I should be attending the recognition of CS at CS (Catch my drift? They're College Scholars and College of Science, respectively.) by early morning. But I purposely woke up at 9AM, the usual time I wake up on Monday mornings. I packed a few shirts and towelettes and bagged in a few extra stash of cash. I told my mom that just in case I found a place to stay overnight, I will do so. Surprisingly, she agreed. And I knew that for a few days, I will miss my authoritarian mom.

So there, I went to the mall first to buy some stuff before proceeding to my class. After it, since it's too early to come to the party, I first asked Sir Basilla about a few tweaking details. Disappointingly, I failed to find the answers that I need. So what does that mean? Prior to everything, I "enlisted" myself to be an 'advisee' of Sir Basilla. But since I found myself "incompatible" to the Great Lord of IM (Institute of Math), I told myself to go to either Sir Takenouchi or Ma'am Vallejos (when I speak of the latter as my thesis adviser to my friends, they will be shocked and they are telling me if I am serious of the matter, on which I'm positive).

So Regina and I talked while waiting for the time to come. After some time, she received a call while she was taking a nap. From her responses, it seemed to be a member of the org trying to tell her about the party. Talk about official invitation!

So we went to KFC Katipunan Ave, the supposed meeting place 5 steps away from the venue. From there we met Sir BJ, the VC of Sanlakas Youth. Well, that's just the start of me meeting new people. To exaggerate, I already met hundreds of KAISA members just at KFC! And after I queried about my dilemma, they said that I can stay together with a few people at the headquarters of KAISA! Problem solved!

At the venue (it was, if I remember correctly, at Xanland), I met more people and got to know some of them. And there was a problem regarding the number of people in the venue. The place can only hold 50 people but 150 people are expected. I was surprised when they were packing and headed for their Plan B!

The venue was actually moved to Ma'am Steph's house. Since there were a lot of people, the place somehow became small. After the general "program", there were games, food fest, people being thrown to the pool and lots of [wild] dancing. They started by 8 and packed up by 1. What a long night!

So we now headed to the HQ where I stayed. The "living room" was a bit messy due to election paraphernalia lying everywhere, but I managed to get a spot and eat a little before I go to sleep. At a corner of a room, I snugged myself and slept. Everything went normal, and Tuesday came. I woke up early and took a bath. I left to school with a few people, including Sir Jose (or should I put it Councilor Jose, whichever you prefer) and we walked together to Math Building once we're at UP.

I don't know, but it's like a social aspect level-up for me. Within a night, I got to know a lot of people. They were a lot that I actually forgot some of them (sorry!). I guess that's one thing I have to improve on: name recalling.

Ma'am Vallejos dismissed us early so I grabbed that time to talk to her and tell her that I want her to be my thesis adviser (which she affirmed, and gave me a topic) and from that point on, I became happy, knowing that my thesis work will have a direction[al vector]. Why her, you asked? It's because I want to do numerical analysis and I want to employ something which has algorithms, and I found her perfect to be my adviser. So from that night on, I researched on what topics do I want to tackle.

When I went home, my mother is suddenly experiencing mood swings. She easily gets angry and gets back to being authoritative. But it's just some days before when I told myself that I miss my authoritarian mom. I should be careful what I wish for!

By Wednesday, as I am to come to my Korean class. I met Ma'am Laura and she recognized me, so we somehow greeted each other. You may say that it's a trivial thing so just pretend that I'm a child and it's my first time to interact with other people aside from my family, friends, and teachers. Seriously. My social aspect has never been like a bomb!

Thursday came. Sir Takenouchi asked our class who will be his 'advisees'. He said he can accommodate three students. Precious and Goegie claimed the two spots and left the last one hanging. Sir Takenouchi asked Kai about who's her thesis adviser, to which she replied "Sir Basilla" and Sir Takenouchi commented that he is good. He then asked me the same question, and I said, lying, that I'm still undecided. He told us that our class was his top priority and some students who are not in his class want to be enlisted as his 'advisees', so he's basically "waiting for me" and that thwarted a hole in my heart. He then asked me who I'm still considering, and I told him the one that I talked earlier.

No classes on Math 150.2 so we were dismissed early. Jan and I saw Kai and Precious so I joined with the two ride a jeepney to SM North (Jan was riding a jeepney to Pantranco). It has been an hour or so before we hailed a jeep and we keep on calling myself the jinx, the one who brings bad luck. Surprisingly, I thought someone was waving at me (or I think it was my imagination). To my surprise, I saw Sir Bong (or should I put it Councilor Bong, whichever you prefer). I waved back.

By Friday, Sir Takenouchi sent me an SMS, telling me if I have decided on who will my adviser will be. Somehow, I felt negatively different. I cringed while replying that somebody else can take that slot. He then sent a reply telling me that "It's ok. You should choose the one who gave you your favorite topic." It's kind of heartbreaking so I came to a resolve that I will do my best on this thesis. I told Regina what happened while she was teaching me some Math lessons.

It's night when we were done. While I was walking home, I saw my friends from UP Tomo-Kai. Apparently, it was Luke's birthday and she gave me some charm for studies. She also invited me with her friends for her treat at Yellow Cab, which I agreed to joined. It was at Katipunan Ave so while traversing the way, Monday's events sank in again. Well, the dinner was fun and cute. I thought we caused some chaos there since we were too noisy and we were playing a game. And note: we are on a long table!

Somehow, I've been ecstatically happy and I am busy lately. And if you've been asking if I address the people by Sir or Ma'am, it's just because I'm intimidated to write about them by first-name basis.

8th Week (Part 2): Crush and Going Back to Real World

2009-03-03T20:35:00.000-08:00

A/N: Pardon, this part is written in first-person point of view for maximal "efficiency" in narrating.

==========

I don't know. The first time I saw you was on a picture, really. I saw everything written below that face. "Another pretty face," I said to myself. I thought everything will stop until that. I was wrong.

I was shocked when I first met you. Actually, it's when "I saw you personally". You were like a star previously placed in the heavens, and now laying right before my very eyes. Your physique isn't what I really imagined, but who cares? The notion of seeing you is enough. And I thought my admiration for your beauty will stop until that. I was wrong.

It turned out to the point that I longed for looking at you. It's the point in my life that I actually feared of being into. I don't want to be a lunatic again. I don't want to lose my sanity, "I'll try to make this right," I said to myself. I'll try to maintain my composure and not to be wild.

Yes, you are my crush, I admit that. But it's not before that I'll expect too much. I'll be contended on where I am and where you are. I'll be contended that what connects you to me is a picture that a friend gave me.

Yes, being you as my crush made me feel alive again. It's been a long time that I had a crush that's not a friend of mine. As you see, I went through this time that I had crushes on my online friends. Yes, online "friends". I care about them, but they don't care about me. I felt dark. I felt I haven't received the attention that I wanted, needed. What makes you different? You don't think I exist. We won't be friends, at least for the time being. And you won't hurt me, I know. I'm no longer in the dark. I felt I'm real. I feel that I'm back to the real world.

But destiny is such a pain in the ass. I keep seeing you and your pictures more frequently. I thought that this will become the end of me. I know I'm near obsession. Surprisingly, I didn't become what I used to be. I made glances at you, yes. I got your number by "accident", yes. But I saw one of your account on one of the social sites that I have an account as well, and I didn't add you. No, I didn't force myself to stop myself from doing that. It just came naturally. I'm proud of myself for that but not that proud.

You are an intelligent person, yes. And that fact is what motivates me for studying. You may not become my friend, but I know that by studying, you can be a part of me. I can accomplish things I never imagined I can. I'm trying to become an honor student, and you are the force that drives me for doing that.

I'll be ashamed, though, if you just read this and knew that it was you.

Oh, well. Back to studying.

8th Week (Part 1): Edj, the Political Animal

2009-03-01T00:45:00.000-08:00

Two weeks before this, I can still remember it clearly. Sir Yoshi was the one to talk. Suddenly, Regina saw people in yellow* outside the room. My sight followed. Yes, they were outside. The yellow people. Regina and I went outside and orchestrated their campaign to be made at the room. It was like magic for me. I suddenly became enthusiastic helping them. Yes, the campaign for USC elections filled my blood and my whole week revolved on it. Even though the yellow people don't know me, I still tried to help them. I'm a Sanlakas Youth "member" to begin with.

Last week, to almost all of the people I knew, I promoted the party. I encouraged them to vote. Of course, everyone has the right to choose so I really didn't force them what I want them to vote, but rather promotion all the way. And since it is the campaign season, I got the chance to meet the candidates and got to know some of them, although I already know who to vote.

The campaign period was rather short and quick. It's within that interval that all of the candidates should visit every place in UPD to campaign. I only got to know half of all the candidates, and the only thing that I can critic them was via their profiles on their posters.

I wore my only yellow shirt this Tuesday. To add to that, I wore my ninja outfit. It was Denji ready for battle. Or rather, it was Edj ready for battle. I'm too proud to say that this is "officially" the first time that I'll cut classes. Yes, I attended the Miting de Avance (MdA) at the AS Steps as a sign of support.

I met Sato on my way to the steps, and she told me that all of them are at the booth by the lobby. ALL OF THEM. Somehow, I know I have to go there but there's still a force stopping me: intimidation. How would I go to a place where only one or two persons knows me? Funny me I sat somehow near the booth, waiting for 9AM to come. I saw the KAISA slate: almost all of them were there. Then after a few minutes, someone greeted me: it was Sir Titus, one of the very few people who knew me. Of course, I returned the greeting. Then I was staring at someone.

The lobby was bombarded with primary colors. Not really all of it: replace blue by white. I can see some of the candidates murmuring something: they were tying to memorize what they have to say at the MdA. People with signs ravaged into the lobby: primary colors again. Then someone approached me. I think he was Chorva: he invited me to go to the booth and wear a sticker-pin as a sign of support. Of course I went there, knowing that the slate was gone to prepare for the MdA. I buffed myself and tried to help those in the booth with carrying the things. Some active support from me, at last! Even at that little thing that I did, I'm happy. At least, little by little, I do feel I am really helping them.

So we went to the parking lot, minutes before the MdA. I saw the whole slate there and a few more people organizing. Within those few minutes, I learned a bit more about the people who I'm going to vote. We all now gathered in a big circled and started to pray, led by Barbie. As you see, I do recall that Barbie was once my classmate, but I really can't recall the subject where we were classmates. Sorry, Barbie, I feel ashamed. :( Before the slate went to the steps, I wished Barbie good luck (I wished the whole slate good luck, but I only told her.), and she said that my outfit was cute. <3

At the MdA, you can really see the partition: people wearing red, people wearing blue/white/Super Mario shirts, and people wearing yellow (us) and green. Surprisingly, the loudest cheer came from us. Or is it because I'm in the group?

Let's skip to Wednesday: Election Day. A few people knew why I was terrified on that day. I'd like to share it to you.

From "Parangal sa Mag-aaral" held at the Bahay ng Alumni, Sami and I went straight to the Math Bldg (MB): he, to attend his class where he's always late, and I, to vote early and hang out. (It somehow pains me to write this part right here, so pardon if you sense a shaky Edj.). I sensed things around me as a discrepancy. Team Eco-Moda** and N-th Root Team** stuck posters near the precinct booth at MB. When I saw Regina strolling around, I immediately approached her and shared my thoughts about the posters, so she texted someone from our party about the legality of the incident and how will they respond. They said that it was all right but to be fair, KAISA's should be there as well. So after that, I went on and vote.

We were shocked by what we saw at the precinct table: there was this "spy" from the N-th Root just beside the officer-in-charge. We thought why that person wasn't dragged away from the table. Again, Regina texted someone for the legality of that person. They said that it was illegal and we should try to shrug her off. But Regina had a class so the whole responsibility was passed on to my shoulders.

Instead of dragging the N-the Root minion off, I just stood near and observed everything but maintaining my distance from the precinct. I stood, observed. Moments later, I got the feeling that the minion is watching me as well. I stood straighter in fright, and began to be conscious with my actions. Out of nowhere, I grabbed my camera and took a picture of the minion. To my surprise, the minion also took my picture (Note: with clicking sounds from its phone.). So basically, we got each other's pictures. I was frightened further. Luckily, I saw Sami so I dragged him to a far place, far from the neighborhood of the precinct. At there, I expressed all of my feelings to him. I told him that that minion will fabricate lies about me. I told him that I don't want to be accused of what I haven't done but because of my dumb actions, I further looked suspicious. But he slapped the reality back into me. He told me that why should I feel guilty of what I haven't done in the first place? And why would I put myself into their level (We classified them as low-levels: they play dirty for an instance, and they whine a lot and put the blame on somewhere else.)? So my fear was dispelled for a bit, thanks to him. In the middle of that I saw a person from KAISA sticking up a poster (regarding earlier). Away from the sight of the minion, I approached him and told me about that minion. He said he'll talk to that to confront. Later, he approached me and told me that they will inform me later on if that minion was illegal (I heard that by around 1PM, the minion was thrown off the window. 8D).

We met some of our friends after that. I told them of this "scary" experience. Afterwards, I stood tall and told them that everything will be alright.

After my Korean class, I met with Regina at her dorm to somehow copy her notes from the subjects I haven't attended. But instead, we just lax by the sofa, watching random videos, and waited for 4PM to come. She eventually invited me to come with them and "pollwatch", to which I obliged. It will be the first time for me. I texted my mom about it and I haven't received a reply from her: a thing I'm not used to. Normally she would somehow rant or nag me, telling me to go home early. But this is not the case today. At that moment, I missed my authoritative mom whose binds I tried to get free before. So we met some of them at College of Law. Haha, we went to various places. We went to Computer Center thinking that one of the main servers was there, but they told us that it was at College of Engineering. So we went there and saw a few more of them. Then we went to Lutong Bahay and ate there and bought some choco shakes. As we get back to Engineering, scenes went, let's say, too hilarious to tell. 8P But we went back to Law.

There, they told us to go to College of Fine Arts (CFA) to see what's happening there. As we got there, we asked for the results, but they said that we should wait for the proper time to come. Few more ~~hours~~ minutes of waiting, the results are out. Regina really thought that the numbers we see on the result (printed in bond paper) stand for CFA voters only. So we went to Vinzons Hall since we saw there lots of people and some shining light. Lo and behold, the results are shown! What we had on our hands is actually the final vote! So Sir Titus actually won Chairperson. And I was right about the three persons from KAISA who will make it to the Top 12: Sir Bong, Sir Jose, and Sir Lee. Talk about predicting the future...

So we ended up late at night but it was fun. The atmosphere was celebratory. I went home without someone nagging at me. My mom even asked me when will the party be. I just told her that I'll be waiting for announcements. 8D

==========

*people in yellow: KAISA people. I'm too intimidated to write this one. Sorry.
** to those who know: "SSSH~!"

7th Week: It's Not About Me

2009-02-19T21:03:00.000-08:00

First of all, I would like to thank all of those who greeted me days around my birthday. To be honest, it was the best birthday that I had, because that's the first time I received a lot of personal greetings instead of a battalion singing the Birthday Song. Teehee... You're too many to mention, though. I might get exasperated. :P

Well, there's nothing new for this week... except I experienced a lot of firsts. LOL. But I will mention about it later.

Methinks Monday is the day that I don't really like. I don't know why. I think it's because it's Dr. Basilla's turn to talk, and many will rampage towards him to be his thesis advisees. Well, I really have no qualms if he will not choose me, but there is this ill-feeling churning me on inside. I don't know why.

Time-travel to Thursday. It's my Math 162 exam. That will be my last exam for the month. Or so I think. [To my contacts in Plurk, you might recall my "whinings" about my crush accidentally bumping into me and apologizing to me, but hey, the kilig moment is over. Let's get over it.] I didn't had enough time to finish the exam. It was fairly easy, but the time constraint killed me. It resulted to me not answering 2 out of 7 items. Hrngh...

Results for Math 150.2 exam was returned back. And I received a passing mark despite not answering 2 items worth larger points than most of the items. And, yes, our take-home exam was given last today. Did I mention that earlier? It was TOO hard. ~~Trust~~ Believe me.

Friday morning, I woke up early to submit the requirements that I lack for the scholarship. Hell. This is most of the time that I had a lot of first's. It's my first time to see a lot (and I mean A LOT) of people at the MRT. I waited for almost 1 1/2 hr. If not for Bess and my AI7 playlist, I would have been annoyed. Then after 2 ~~decades~~ hours, while I was getting out of Magallanes station, my ticket was rejected! Well, the reason was because I was on a MRT station for more than 75 minutes. So I, with a few others, went to the ticket office and we exited through a metal gate guarded by, well, a security guard.

I will be posting at some time (most probably later) the gifts I want to receive when I reach 21. Yay!

This week is a tough one, believe me.

6th Week: Bittersweet Chocolate

2009-02-13T02:07:00.000-08:00

Saturday. Math 123.2 exam. Like little puppies on a stormy night, some of us (including me) were afraid of what's to appear in the exam. It's because the last time we had our exam, the time allotted to us to answer it wasn't enough and it was extremely difficult. Surprisingly, this time, the exam came out easy and I answered it with confidence (except for the question about the Cantor set). We ate at Burger King after that and a long voting process on where to eat.

By Sunday, my heart thumps louder and louder. I will be having my scholarship orientation on Wednesday morning, Korean exam on Wednesday noon, and another Math [150.2] exam on Thursday. Yes, you got me: I had almost no time to review.

So came Wednesday. My mother and I woke up and got off early to go to Bicutan, Taguig (I bet she's excited, also given that a parent or guardian is required to attend the orientation and contract signing). To our relief, we got there earlier than the call time. We asked a speaker/coordinator there at what time will it finish, who promptly told us that it will be done at most 12. Luckily, the program ended up early and we just have to fill up the forms. I had a heated argument with the person to whom I should pass the requirements. You will never imagine how it went (good thing my mom didn't saw us), battling over the sentence construction about what papers are required. In the end, I just "opened my mind" and let them "win" the idiotic debate. And either way, I have to return to Bicutan to submit other forms.

I arrived at UP at around quarter to 1, so I still had time to review (talk about being optimistic). At the exam, I was so disappointed on how easy the exam was, considering that it should cover 13 chapters from 2 books. Why disappointed? I forgot how to spell the other suffixes since the Korean language had a lot of e's and o's.

Thursday. I was frustrated, big time. By afternoon, my professor in Math 197 gave us this so-called "Pre-Second Exam". It turned out to be just a set of exercises. Two things: (1) I don't know how to answer some of them, and (2) I gave it almost all of my mental energy, considering I had a "real" exam by late afternoon. Yes, dears, I haven't reviewed for the exam, and my head is a total mess, so I used my allowance for tomorrow to eat A LOT.

I won't talk about what happened to the exam. It was fairly easy since our professor said he will give a take-home exam, which containced the harder parts. To our surprise, he forgot to give it to us. I don't even know if he did made it at some time earlier, considering that he wants to check our paper before the deadline of dropping which is fast approaching. After the exam, I breathed heavily and clearly, knowing that the next exam will be next week. But I had to review, still.

So what's the deal with my Korean class? Well, it turned out that we don't have any lessons. From Friday onwards, we will practice conversations. Finally, the thing I've been waiting! But there's still a problem: I forgot my vocabulary! T_T

ColorGenics

2009-02-07T22:01:00.000-08:00

Saw this on my Multiply contact's (Andie's) post. Here is the link that features this "thing" called ColorGenics. Feel free to try this as well.

(sidenote: Ang galing. Parang totoo.)

Name: Denji
Date: 2/8/2009
Colorgenics Number: 13724065

You have always been on the move seeking affectionate, satisfying and harmonious relationships. Your ultimate goal has been the realisation of an intimate union in which there could be love, self-sacrifice and mutual trust. It has often been said that 'True love is just around the corner' and - if you haven't found it as yet - you possibly soon will.

You want what you want and you need all that you want and, as they say in the movies, you are the sort of individual that 'By hook or by crook' you will, by fair means or foul, endeavour to get what you are looking for.

You need a friend - a close friend - and you are willing to become emotionally involved with the right person, but you are very demanding and particular in your choice of partners. You are constantly looking for reassurance and it is perhaps because of this that you tend to be somewhat argumentative, but you try to hold back - careful to avoid open conflict - since this might reduce your prospects of realising your hopes of establishing a warm caring relationship.

For whatever the reason, you find it extremely difficult to sustain relationships - that is to sustain them in the manner that you would wish. You are a very gentle sort of person, full of feeling, sensitivity and susceptible to love and affection, looking and longing for a partner with whom you can enjoy 'All things bright and beautiful' - someone with whom you can seek out the more esoteric things of life. But up to now this person has only existed in your imagination. You are very choosy, appreciative, refined and extremely artistic in temperament and it is your hope to seek others who will allow you to form and express your own taste and judgement and who at the same time may assist you in your intellectual or artistic growth.

You are inclined to be too trusting and you feel that you need to be on your guard against the possibility that your endeavours and actions may be misunderstood. Too often you have been taken advantage of and you have been mentally abused. Now you are seeking a relationship which can provide peace of mind, where you can be yourself and not have the need to put on a false front.

5th Week: Descaling Might

2009-02-06T00:22:00.000-08:00

6th of February, 3PM, at math Bldg. I am to write that time about my week's frustration when I tamed a cat and, shortly, it frantically followed me everywhere. I had to stray the cat so it won't bother me in writing this. But I had to admit: that cat made me feel better.

A classmate of mine declared last Monday that we don't have any classes on my only subject class for that day. Scenario: NLEX, on a bus. Of course, I'm a bit frustrated. If not for Regina inviting me to review, the fare would have been a waste.

Tuesday. Both Math 162 and Math 150.2 professors announced that our exams will be moved from Feb 10 to some date after Feb 11, which I will be having my examination on Koreyano 11. Sounds like good news.

I didn't bother going to school this Wednesday since (1) I only have a afternoon class, and (2) that day is the day for ACLE. So I spent half my day asking for my father's Tax Exemption Certificate (he's a seaman). I went to the regional (or was it provincial?) BIR office in a nearby town. As I shyly get myself in there, they said to me that I can get what I want on our municipal hall. So I went back to our town and rushed to the said place.

I was annoyed by the people to whom I should ask for the thing that I want. As you see, they have a preformatted certificate which only states the exemption for someone with a low annual salary and that they only give it for "scholarship and summer job purposes". With a 50-peso bill, they gave me one WITHOUT EVEN ASKING FOR A PROOF THAT MY FATHER SHOULD REALLY BE EXEMPTED. Annoying.

Thursday is a normal, unboring day, I just got my letters from DOST (for scholarship) and College of Science (for recognition day).

Friday turned out to be a disaster. I faxed my reply slip to DOST and printed my brother's project at the Shopping Center (at UP) before going to class. I have a problem I wish to talk with my Korean teacher: that the scholarship orientation falls on Feb 11 (see above). So basically, I asked him if I could take a late exam. Annoyingly, the ~~ill-conceited guy~~ my professor gave me a big, fat NO. I felt my world crushing prior to the cat incident mentioned at the beginning.

Well, we have an exam this Saturday on Math 123.2. But I'll put it on next week's entry so that it can have a unifying theme. Busy, busy, busy...

4th Week: Black Shirt Week

2009-01-29T20:52:00.000-08:00

Since I had a lot of black shirts in my closet and since I don't want to wear the shirt I wore for this week in the next week, I decided to wear black this whole week.

As you see, I don't generally feel good on this week. But because I want myself to be dispelled of negative energies, I'll just list some good things that happened this week:

---

1. Joan's birthday treat

Regina and I were reviewing last Wednesday at the Math Bldg so that the things we need to review would not accumulate. That day was Joan's birthday, and Regina asked me to buy ensaymada at Eurobake, to which I complied. So when Joan "arrived" and after giving the ensaymada, I learned that she will treat Regina at Yellow Cab. I dragged myself along (Joan agreed, anyway) un-shamefully. I was really ashamed after but because of that, I learned a lot about her. LOL.

So we went to TechnoHub and we went to National Bookstore first. To my surprise, I saw the book The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time. I skimmed through the pages and saw the tag price at the end (I have no intention of buying that, though). Regina jokingly told me that she will give me the Twilight Series books as a present for me for my birthday, to which I gladly "puked" (LOL!).

So after that, we went to Joan's "feast". Joan and I interchanged the words pizza and pasta. (ROFL) It's my first time to eat there and it was really great. The chili sauce was great, the pizza was great, the pasta was great, and the ice cream was great. That was a very filling night. Thanks, Joan! Belated Happy Birthday!

2. New "org-mate" and friend

I first heard of Sami last semester. He was so great that I was annoyed at that time (maybe I was just insecure/envious/jealous/whatever). But this semester, we are classmates at a subject. But it was just this week that I really interacted with him.

I only know one thing about him that I learned from Aki: He eats, sleeps, and breathes yaoi. Well, true enough.

He really is a fun companion, I tell you. Or maybe just because he understands my green jokes.

But of course, his mouth is not about all yaoi. In fact, his mouth is all about Math. I learned a lot from him, even though I have to get a lot of tissues and wipe my nose smothering with blood.

---

I think that's enough to lift up my week. *sigh*

Yeah, and at some randomness. I can only have black shirt, white shirt, red shirt, and blue shirt weeks. That's because I had a lot of them. LOL. I only wear my yellow shirt at one very special occasion, my pink shirt if I feel really happy, and my green shirt if I think I really have no idea what to wear.

3rd Week: We Had Such Doubts

2009-01-23T23:17:00.000-08:00

[Un]surprisingly, my mother is sharing me what's bothering her regarding my siblings. She told me that my younger brother is one heck of a good liar, way good than my sister and I. She fears that after some years, he may be a bad boy. About my sister, she said to me her prayers about her. She told me that her online relationship with an Ireland-based Filipino may be serious if the guy is, well, serious with her. I can't say my sister's condition but if you do know, then you know what my mother's thinking in relation to my sister.

After that, I realized, I hinted that she also has "problems" with me. I'm strugging with it, you all know that. Of course, I can't blurt out to her that, "Mom, I'm bisexual!" because with her conservative mind, her brain may explode first before understanding me. But I think I'm being unfair since you guys, and a few friends, know about this and, yet, my relatives don't have a single clue (except for my father, but he thinks I just need to have a sex with a girl to dispel my thoughts of me being bi).

Regina and I watched Bride Wars last Wednesday. We were interested with the movie despite it's bad reception with the critics. I do find it interesting (see my "review"). And now, we're having this, I'd like to call it, Last Quotations Syndrome. 8D

Last Friday, I finally met with Marvin. I already had an idea what he will speak about to me but I was amazed that he said things more than that. He gave me a new set of axioms/definitions of love, and with that, I was amazed by a lot of things that I realized regarding that.

Then today, I met with Christian, and we strolled around the malls. Being the unsocial being, I think I almost bore him to death. LOL.

In general, this week is a good week. Take note of the phrase "in general".

2nd Week: I Tried My Best, But...

2009-01-15T22:18:00.000-08:00

1. I can't hold on to what I feel. It's somehow a good thing that Regina told me about my personality results, that I am "intelligent, but you let your heart rule [over] your head". I've been stinking in that department all this time. I confessed my feelings to someone last weekend and, I tell you, it was the most horrible confession that I had for this last 3 year. But we do talk now as we do before, as if nothing had happened, which is good. Unlike before... :(

2. My exams haven't reached 80%. The good thing is that I passed, but it's still not good enough. Hindi pwede and 'pwede na'. It's my fault that I'm not really that serious in reviewing my notes before.

3. I really can't understand Korean lessons anymore. I said to myself before that I will master Hangugeo (Korean Language) during Christmas break. But I got sick during that long period. And now, I even have shorter time to do so. To add things up: I failed my first oral quiz. Our teacher keeps dictating in Hangugeo and I really can't understand even a little. :'(

1st Week: Dreams About Couples

2009-01-09T02:44:00.000-08:00

Fictions-kuno:

===

Daniel went straight to the canteen to have a helping of cup noodles. It's been a long time since he's eaten one. He is about to sit in the quiet corner when he heard buzzes and screams. From the sounds, he can tell that something romantic is going on. He looked outside and he saw a bunch of people gathering together. Then they dispersed. He looked who remained at the site. He saw Rondo and Ursula. He somehow lost his breath and felt his cheek flushing. He also saw Mileena in there. With what he'd seen, he decided to know what's going on. So holding his cup noodles, he walked outside.

As he was walking to curiosity, Barbara suddenly bumped him from his back. She apologized to him while flashing a huge smile and walked away to Rondo. As he goes near, he can hear his own heartbeat. Omega suddenly appeared from his back, telling him that Rondo and Ursula are now a couple.

Silence.

Much to his surprise, Daniel dropped his cup. The contents spilled over his black rubber shoes. He can feel the scorching pain in his left foot, but he ignored it. He flashed a big, fake smile and congratulated the couple. He picked up his cup with angst and went straight to the trash bin.

His tears rolled down his cheeks, murmuring the words, "Rondo, if that what makes you happy, then so be it."

---

After a long time of studying and after days of not going online, Daniel turned on his laptop, Niki, and decided to surf. He went to one of his favorite sites, Plurk, and he saw a lot of unread entries. He decided to read them one by one. When he saw X and Y having a lot of entries, his face was suddenly painted blank. He reads the responses on the comments. From the looks of it, X and Y seemed happy.

"1 new plurk update".

He clicked that link, and he saw X's entry, affirming what his hunch is telling him: X and Y has good love-lives again. What shook him was the fact that X and Y are together again as a couple. Daniel was happy, of course. He shrugged himself that given the fact that he wasn't online for days, many things could have happened.

===

You know that I just got well from my sickness, but I still don't feel that healthy. I've been thinking all of this time, and I'm forgetting to smile again. I'm depressed. This may be the side effects of the drugs I'm taking.

Recently, I feel different about my Math subjects. It's as if I'm having inverse feeling on all Math subjects. I now like Math 171, Math 197, and Math 150.2, unlike before. And it's otherwise for the other subjects. And I still hate the fact that I can't remember my Korean lessons, starting from Lesson 1 of the previous semester.

Now that I'm having weird dreams, is it fate's way of saying that I need a partner now?

Year-Ender Lessons

2008-12-30T22:51:00.000-08:00

Matagal na rin akong hindi nakakapag-OL. Sasabihin ko mamaya ang dahilan. :P

1. Binigyan kami ng isang lolo-tito ko ng hini isa kung hindi dalawang... TUTA! :)

December 24. Dumating siya kasama ang tito ko para bigyan kami ng tuta. Medyo nainis ang mommy ko dahil marami kaming ginagawa para sa Pasko. Pero dahil natuwa ang anak niyang ito *ehem* natuwa na rin siya. Balak ko sanang pangalanan na Ken ang tuta dahil Crystal ang pangalan ng aso namin (kung hindi mo na-gets ang logic, hindi ka nanuod ng Season 17 ng Survivor). Bibigyan pa daw kami ng isa pang tuta dahil ang isa kong kapatid ay ~~nainggit~~natuwa. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, kung babae ang ibibigay sa amin, Sugar naman ang ipapangalan ko. Kaso ang problema: lalaki rin ang ibinigay sa amin, so nagkaroon ako ng problema sa pagpapangalan. Sabi ng tito ko. Rocky nalang daw saka Rambo in honor of Sylvester Stallone. Sa sarili ko, hindi ako pumayag. At dahil ako ang nagpapakain, tinatawag ko sila sa pangalan na gusto ko: Mikee at Robi.

(pictures at some time)

2. Akala ko malungkot ang magiging Pasko ko pero masaya naman. Hindi ko man nalahad, eh... Hindi ko na ilalahad. :P

Basta masaya. Kitang-kita naman.

3. Ilang araw pagkatapos ng Pasko, nagkasakit kami ng kapatid ko. :(

Ang tinuturong salarin at ang background story:
Nasa SM Pampanga sila Ma at si nakakabatang kuya (younger brother... oo na, barok na akong mag-Tagalog) para gawan ang nahuli ng salamin. Kaya kami ng isa ko pang kapatid na babae ang natira. Ayun, nag-init siya ng sauce ng spaghetti at hindi ininit ang spaghettini na ref-cold pa.

Ang resulta at ang takbo ng kwento:
Nagkasakit kami sa ulo kinabukasan. Inaapoy kami ng lagnat. Ako medyo ayos pa pero yung kapatid ko, dinala sa ospital ng madaling-araw. Ayun, nalaman na ang sakit niya: inatake daw siya ng amoeba na walang sawa sa pag-reproduce sa bituka niya. Kaya ako, isinunod sa ospital pero hindi ako na-confine (sidenote: cute ang duktor na ~~nanghipo~~sumuri sa akin). Same result. Ang pinagkaiba: hindi maligalig ang mga amoeba sa bituka ko. At dahil *ehem* malakas ang aking ~~pang-aasar~~resistensya, gumaling agad ako within one day. Si kapatid, twice nasugod sa ospital. Yung pangalawa, dahil na lang sa pag-iinarte niya.

Ang moral lesson:
Nag-rant ng todo sa amin si mommy. Di daw kami sumusunod sa bilin e para sa ikabubuti naman namin iyon. Alam niyo ba, may sakit si mommy ko (walang tigil na pagbuhos ng regla at may probability na ma-raspa siya. please pray for her), pero nauna pang i-confine sa ospital ang sister ko. Nasabi ni mommy yung fact na yun. Plus, sinabi niya na kung ano man ang mangyari sa amin, wala nang gastus-gastos sa kaniya. Kahit saan, huhugot siya para lang maging maayos kami. Doon ko nalaman na after 18 years of my existence, hindi ko pa pala tuluyang kilala si mommy. Nakakalungkot lang na isipin.

Ang aftermath:
Nung magaling na ako, naging hyper-active naman ako. Ewan ko ba, nagiging ganun ako pag magaling na. Pero pinipigilan ako ni mommy na gumawa ng kung anu-ano at baka raw mabinat ako. Yung kapatid ko, medyo malata pa rin. Sana maging maayos na rin siya.

Happy New Year sa inyong lahat! :)

Bumabati,
Denji

Mga Gustong Sariwain at Mga Gustong Gawin

2008-12-25T20:35:00.000-08:00

Mga Gustong Sariwain:

1. Nami-miss ko yung mga panahon na nakikipagdaldalan ako sa kaniya. Siya ang nag-iinitiate ng conversation namin noon. Hindi kalaunan, ako naman ang nag-uumpisa ng aming pag-uusap. Hanggang sa dumating ang panahon (ngayon) na hindi na kami nag-uusap. Mga ilang taon na rin ang nakakaraan, at nami-miss ko na siya. Kung hindi lang nangyari ang mga pangyayari na iyon...

2. May bago akong contact sa Multiply, at na-realize ko na contact pala niya ang dati kong contact na b-in-lock ako dahil nagtapat ako ng damdamin sa kaniya [na later ko na-realize as emotional dependence/"fraud" love, ganun din ang na-realize ko sa iba]. Ang labo, no? Dati, todo kulitan kami. Kwento-kwento ng kung anu-ano. Tapos, ayaw pa niya na nagpapa-spoil sa Heroes. Peter [Haru], kung nasaan ka man, sana nababasa mo ito. Sorry, sa kung ano mang kasalanan na ginawa ko sa iyo. Sana mabuo ulit ang pagkakaibigan natin.

Mga Gustong Gawin:

1. Gusto ko sanang batiin ng Maligayang Pasko sila Rondo at Ursula, pero hindi ko naman alam ang relihiyon/paniniwala nila. Ito ang mahirap sa UP, halu-halo na ang mga nakakahalubilo mo. Iba-ibang paniniwala, iba-ibang estilo, iba-ibang pananaw sa buhay. Kaya kanila Rondo at Ursula, Maligayang Pasko sa inyo.

2. Gusto ko nang mag-open up sa mommy ko tungkol sa "estado" ko pero mukhang hindi pa ito ang tamang panahon. Marami pang problema ang hinaharap ng pamilya namin (the typical health and economic problems). Mas maganda sana kasi kung sa kanila ako unang magsasabi, kaso yung mga kaibigan ko pa ang unang nakakaalam sa "estado" ko.

My Christmas's Firsts...

2008-12-23T19:51:00.000-08:00

In my 18 years of existence...

1. It's our first time not to assemble the Christmas tree. The usual spot where we stand it is now where my younger bro's PC is situated. So no Christmas tree, no Christmas lights, and, most of all, no dust. :P

2. It's my first time to celebrate a Blue Christmas. Am I right for the usage of the phrase? I mean, this is the first time I'll feel blue when celebrating Christmas. It's kind of sad, but I have to get over it. Trust me, I'll be okay.

3. It's our first time to have Noche Buena! Yay! Our mom usually won't allow us to stay until midnight of Christmas Eve and eat a lot. We only do that during New Years. But now... Woohoo! 8D

Pope Benedict: Homosexual acts are self-destructive

2008-12-22T18:22:00.000-08:00

Pope Benedict XVI has said that saving humanity from homosexual or transsexual behaviour is just as important as saving the rainforest from destruction.

He explained that defending God's creation is not limited to saving the environment, but also protecting man from self-destruction.

The pope was delivering his end-of-year address to senior Vatican staff.

His words, later released to the media, emphasised his total rejection of gender theory.

Pope Benedict XVI warned that gender theory blurs the distinction between male and female and could thus lead to the "self-destruction" of the human race.

Gender theory

Gender theory explores sexual orientation, the roles assigned by society to individuals according to their gender, and how people perceive their biological identity.

If tropical forests deserve our protection, humankind... deserves it no less

Pope Benedict XVI

Gay and transsexual groups, particularly in the United States, promote it as a key to understanding and tolerance, but the pope disagreed.

When the Roman Catholic Church defends God's Creation, "it does not only defend the earth, water and the air... but (it) also protects man from his own destruction," the pope said.

"If tropical forests deserve our protection, humankind... deserves it no less," the 81-year-old pontiff said, calling for "an ecology of the human being."

It is not "outmoded metaphysics" to urge respect for the "nature of the human being as man and woman," he told scores of prelates gathered in the Vatican's sumptuous Clementine Hall.

The Catholic Church opposes gay marriage. It teaches that while homosexuality is not sinful, homosexual acts are.

=====

Comments, anyone?

got from a secondary source: here

On The Love of Siam and Other Movies That Made Me Cry

2008-12-17T20:04:00.000-08:00

I just finished downloading the Thai movie "The Love of Siam". I downloaded it by parts, by the way. I started last week and finished yesterday since I had a lot of exams. I watched it yesterday midnight.

One funny thing while watching TLOS is that it happens on Christmas, so I felt that I watched it just on time.

And do Thais sometimes refer themselves in third person?

I read synopses and reactions of the movie. I was laughing at first when the first-time viewers thought they were fooled by false advertising. Oh well, I guess a lot of people are still close minded.

So basically it "revolves" on the feelings of the two protagonists, Mew and Tong, for each other, and their respective struggles: Mew with composing music, and Tong with his family.

I was really about to cry at the first few minutes when Tong's sister, Tang, was lost and hadn't returned since. The poor young Tong made a frown whine in the sheep costume. It made me frown as well. Sorry, I can be easily swayed.

Moving on...

I laughed at their little treasure hunting game when Tong wanted to give something to Mew: a toy where he has to assemble the pieces that he found. But the nose was missing.

So forward to n years.

I was surprised that they still wear shorts at... was that High School? Well, anyway, sorry that I don't want to narrate the whole thing. I just wanted to say the things that I like in there. LOL.

So Mew has a band and he has a problem writing love songs. But when he and Tong met again after a long time, he suddenly got all of that inspiration and now almost everyone like the songs he make, including Tong.

Mew: What do you say after listening to it?
Tong: I don't know.

Then the rest was ~~kissing~~ history.

Yeah, from there you may guess the entire flow after that kiss. They were seen by Tong's mom, who talked to Mew about it later. Mew getting depressed and Tong almost depressed. Nah, just watch it.

Mew: What do you say after listening to it.
Tong: I can't be with you as a boyfriend... But that doesn't mean that I don't love you, Mew.

Tears. My tears started flowing at this scene. Tong gave Mew the "missing piece" of the toy (the nose). Mew then placed it at home, saying "Thank you" at the end. We were both crying. T_T

I can't be with you as a boy/girlfriend...
But that doesn't mean that I don't love you...

Some people told me the first line. Other people told me the second line. When will the time come that I will hear both of these lines from a single person? T_T

Then when I saw my lollipop at my desk, I started crying again. T_T

Okay, other films/shows that made me cry (not in chronological order):
[Note: You better watch these scenes. I'm not good at narrating]

1. Gakuen Alice
Reason: Friendship, Departure
I think my feelings were too shallow by the time I watched this. It's in the ending episode. I guess I wanted a friend like Alice.

2. Moments of Love
Reason: "Death", First Meeting
Timingly, when Marco cried Divina's name (while Divina drowning was shown), I bursted into tears: inside the move house. Then when they finally met, I cried again because it was so touching.

3. Like Grains of Sand
Reason: Angst, Realization
The protagonist's love doesn't want to love him back since they were both guys. But after the protagonist pretended to be a girl, he tried to drown himself on the beach. This is when his love saved him and gave him a CPR. Then the protagonist said something like, "See, you can do it," referring to a guy-to-guy kiss.

4. Eternal Summer
Reason: Confessions
"I wanted to tell you that I love you."
"You are the only [best]friend that I have."
This is too touching for narrating.

5. Taegeukgi
Reason: Sacrifice
Older brother saved his younger brother, resulted in him being riddled in bullets. Then after a few years, the younger brother visited the remains of his older brother.

6. My Sassy Girl
Reason: Waiting, Revelations
I cried while they were reading each other's letter. Enough said.

7. Heroes 2
Reason: Death
Niki Sanders dying in an explosion. I have biases on characters so I cried when Niki died.

8. Water Boys 2
Reason: Friendship/Departure
It's sad that after a wonderful synchro performance on the school festival, Eikichi will leave for America, following his father. There, he watched a video message from his new-found friends.

9. My Boss, My Hero
Reason: Friendship/Academics
After a long struggle at High School, 27y/o Makio now knows the meaning of friendship and schooling.

I think I forgot some. I rarely cry over movies, really.

Christmas Party and Lantern Parade

2008-12-16T23:19:00.000-08:00

I will upload pictures either tomorrow or when Kai released the other pics.

On the Christmas Party:

I rode a van earlier so that I can arrive early at the party and have more time for gift-shopping. And guess what, the van I rode is what they call a "colorum" vehicle. It went a lot of detours and I got to the malls by the time the party should be starting. But because of that, I watched the latest episode of Heroes on my mobile.

Once at SM, I bought a stuffed toy/key chain. I thought that time that the recipient will not appreciate that. Then I bought 3 cake rolls since I expected that a lot of people will come. I rode a taxi to the venue.

When I went to my destination, I saw that there were not really that a lot of people. Then I realized that 3 rolls were too much. Talk about wasting money.

The venue was Regina's and Joan's dormitory but we were shooed after we ate so we went to Math Building to hopefully continue the "feast". Kai hailed a jeepney and we kind of "rented" it to go to the said destination.

Once there, we really did not enjoy the party that much since we keep our voices minimum and we were not even allowed to use a room [for free, I assume]. But we did have some games and exchange-gift. I loved my gift [and I will show it once I uploaded my pictures]. I was shocked that they find the stuffed toy/key chain gift... "cute".

On the Lantern Parade:

Originally, I watched the Lantern Parade only for my book to be returned somewhere but then I was amused by the parade.

My feet hurts. I saw a lot of cute people (there was even one on uniform). We saw our professors in Math, and we even got a chance to take pictures of them.

I really haven't watched the parade until today. I may did not finished it but I find it very amusing. I hope that next year, I can watch the whole of it.

And for those who were asking, I ~~hate~~ do not like watching the Oblation Run. Seriously. No questions asked.

No Function Can Describe My Feelings

2008-12-16T00:47:00.000-08:00

Well, for this week.
And, I think there exists a function that can describe my feelings, but I guess the function that I want is too complex so I wrote that title.

1. I had a nightmare. Sunday-Monday midnight, while I was reviewing Math 162, I suddenly slept. Then a horrendous-looking demon appeared in front of me, face to face. He was growling. For three seconds, I pulled myself out of my nightmare. I was horribly scared.

2. I was deeply troubled yesterday-today midnight since I have no mobile credits. Why? I won't tell, but I'll let the picture do the talking.

And for the record, the first line above reads: SAENGIL CHUKHAHAEYO which means Happy Birthday in Korean. I did that when I was trying to review but can't concentrate due to more reasons aside from relaying this message.

3. Exams today are a disaster. Well, I haven't answered a few items but that's okay. It wasn't as disastrous as my exam last Saturday.

4. Yay! Christmas party tomorrow! To be frank, this is the first party I'll "attend". Why? Because at those previous High School parties, I wasn't really involved at anything. I almost stood like a wallflower at those time. I was so thankful that time that the JS Prom was cancelled.

5. To do's this Christmas break:

Burn Heroes Vol 3 CD. For rental/collection
Watch Bolt
TRY to watch Desperadas (the last year's and this year's)
Study Korean
TRY to study other Math subjects
TRY to improve my katakana know-hows/knowledge.

6. I'm sad Ken Hoang lost at Survivor, but at least I'm contented he reached Final 5. I salute him. And the forum commenters are right: Michelle Chase is HOT! But Kelly Czarnecki and Jessica "Sugar" Kiper were both beautiful during the reunion. And Ken got a haircut and have his mustache shaved. Sad. I liked his "jungle" style better. *pants* Wait, does anyone here know/have watched Gilmore Girls?

P.S.: Corrine Kaplan is hot at that time, too. How I like bitchy girls...

7. Valentine's Day is fast approaching! Oh no!

I WILL DELETE THIS ACCOUNT

2008-12-12T01:51:00.000-08:00

Yes, you read me right.
I will delete every account you can possibly imagine except for one.

Magkahulaan nalang kung saan niyo ako mahahanap.

Okay, eto nalang.

ONLY FOUR SPECIFIC PERSONS CAN STOP ME FROM DOING SO.

They have to do it before I turn 19. If you are concerned much, gather these four and tell them to stop me. Or else...

Only my classmates can find me in cyberspace.

Thank you.

Half Naked Denji and Half Naked Truths

2008-12-05T17:07:00.000-08:00

So that's Half Naked (Denji and Truths) by Distributive Property. LOL. Now on to the list:

1. So I experimented with my Bess's camera (again, Bess is my mobile phone). So here is a photo I "cropped" and "framed". Yay! And it looks like I became way ugly than before. Sad.

2. I postponed writing Abstract but that doesn't mean I'll stop it like I did before. I just need more time. You see, the first wave of exams is coming, so I have to be on "Acad mode". I think you all know that I have a standing to maintain. [For honor and glory! LOL]

3. I feel that I'm being too distant to a certain friend. We haven't talked for a long while, not like before when we talk every night (and he gets to sleep "early" when I'm still wide awake). I missed that person. I think I've set up my boundary too thick. I need to take steps, not before he feels that I'm no longer his friend. That's Y, by the way.

4. I'm afraid approaching another person I shall code as L (there's X, then Y, now there's L; so given that logic, X should know who L is). I don't know but I shook down to my core when I read other people's messages to him. I hate that nasty feeling when my stomach stirred. And it seems like whatever might happen, I will no longer had a place on L.

5. I would like to thank X for being too kind to me, although I think otherwise. So for that, I would like to say sorry. I'm sorry for that and because I do feel sometimes that those messages [and that 2-peso credit] was really meant for Y, not for me. I'm also sorry because I feel sometimes that you just talk to me whenever Y is not around. I'd like to say sorry again, and I'd like to thank you for being kind to me... for being a friend.

=====

As a replacement for "Daniel Jupiter: Episode 4"

Putting Some Sense On This Post

2008-11-30T17:55:00.000-08:00

Yeah, here I am again in front of a few people. This past few weeks, even though I told myself to stop ranting on my blog, I still can't help it. I broke a lot of promises I made. I even became too emotional. Then all of a sudden, I'll be having mood swings. I guess that's a reason why my very few "viewers" even dwindled in number. Like Plurk said, "Don't plurk too much. Don't put every single detail of your life in your viewable time-line or your viewers will stop following your life." Well, not the exact sentences, though, but the essence is there. So here goes.

1. Being a member of a prominent clan doesn't equate to you being rich. It hit me VERY HARD. Of our core family, I am the spendthrift. I spend all of my allowance on high-end snacks when I can eat on the local canteen. I thought we were rich enough. My parents keep telling me to save. Well, I keep lying to them that I do save. But no. I can't resist myself when I have the money. So I can't save. But, well, I'm trying to save now. I wanted my money for the next enrollment to come "from me". My parents expect a lot from me. My parents keep telling me to work and pay for my brother's tuition. Even I agree on that, not because I am forced, but because I wanted to.

And related to that issue, I realized that I have acquaintances who are, in my opinion, way richer than me. Well, it not that I don't want to make friends with them because I think they belittle me. I just think that they really have the capability to spend because of their status, when I am just, you know, "trying hard".

2. I tried to stop this awkward feeling from developing. I never knew I'll be this successful this time. Well, maybe because I did consider many realizations in my life. This time, I just have to apply them. If you want to know who that person is, I'll not be giving clues. Although I told X that this person is cute. X, you know who you are, and I trust you that you won't be telling this (well, but if Y insisted that you tell that to him, wala akong magagawa. T.T basta i-inyo na lang iyon, please? i have no intentions of telling that person. baka mapahiya lang ako sa kanya. >o<).

3. You may have noticed that, recently, I'm writing things I'd gladly call "crap", since I do it craply. At first, I am writing because I want the gods and goddesses of literature (yes, Y, ikaw yun. ikaw rin yun, Omega/Aki, basta marami kayo.) to lambaste my "works of art" (very masochistic. >o<). But now, even though I have no "followers/viewers", I'm now writing for my own personal satisfaction. I told some of you that I keep writing and writing but I never, ever, finished a single story, except for one (I was a Highschool Freshman back then). So, again, I am now writing for my self-accompolishment. If one appreciated my works, then good, I'd like to give you my thanks.

Thanks for spending/wasting a few minutes reading this. I hope, this time, this isn't as annoying as before. I hope I gave you my two-cents well. Ü

Random Things as of 28/11/08

2008-11-28T03:03:00.000-08:00

1. Words of warning. Hindi ako poet. Puwet ako. So hindi poem 'yang nasa baba. :)

"You love someone better,
Yet you have a perfect lover.
You better keep her,
Or I'll claim her mine."

"You, who's the perfect lover:
I like the way you love.
Given the chance, I want you to love me.
I'll try to comfort you if he is to break you."

Ahh, fizz. Naisip ko na ito dati. Napakaganda ng version na iyon. Hindi ko lang maalala ngayon kaya, heto, pumangit. T.T

2. Na-realize ko na sinira ko na pala ang sarili ko sa isang tao na interesado ako. Napaka-bad move. Hindi ko naman kasi akalain na darating sa punto na magiging "obsessed" ako sa kanya. Buti pa yung kapatid ko. Kahit kanino, may mabibigyan siya ng matinong topic na pwede nilang pag-usapan. Ako, malabo akong kausap. Kaya pasensya na. Baka hindi pa malaman ng tao na iyon na nag-eexist ako. *sigh*

3. Ang bitter ko na naman. LOL. Nakakainis. Hehehe... Buti na lang hindi pa ako masyado distracted sa acads. Nakakainis lang. Dati, napaka-ideal ng pananaw ko sa relationships. Sabi ko noon, darating ang panahon na darating siya sa buhay ko, kung sino man siya. Kaso, ngayon, I'm in a rush. Pero hindi dapat. Kung "iyon" lang ang hanap ko, pupunta ako doon sa "lugar na iyon". Kapag nawala itong "hunger" ko, ibig sabihin, hindi talaga relationship ang habol ko. Pero kapag na-realize ko na after that ay hindi pa rin niya na-satisfy ang "hunger" ko, ibig sabihin, relationship nga ang habol ko. Nakakainis ako, ano, hindi ako concise. :P

4. Parang band-aid lang ang counselling sa akin. Temporary lang. Hindi ko kasi ma-apply. Either that or there is a very strong force that opposes what I know. Kulang lang ako ng guidance from God. =(

I'm Regretting It Again

2008-11-22T23:11:00.000-08:00

Here I go again. I'm regretting that I rant.

Ang hirap kasi sa akin, pinaiiral ko ang emotions ko over my sanity. Ayun, kaya nagiging insane ako. T.T

Kung may na-offend man po ako sa mga recent posts ko, I'm sorry. I'm asking for your apology.

Please bear with me. Emotionally unstable po ako. I'll try to change for the good. Sana.

Magmo-moment Ulit Ako

2008-11-21T20:36:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking a lot lately, and those thoughts were very unhealthy.

Dati, na-prove ko na hindi love ang nararamdaman ko sa 10 (yes, 10, excluding the first one) tao na "dumaan" sa buhay ko. Ngayon, malapit ko na ma-prove na lagpas 3/4 ng mga tinuturing kong kaibigan ay hindi kaibigan ang turing sa akin.

Nakakatuwa lang, kasi napaka-pathetic ko. Hinahanap ko ang "love of my life" pero sa friend fundamentals ay wala akong alam. Hindi ko talaga alam kung paano ikwa-qualify ang isang tao bilang friend ko. Although I can count 2 persons as my real friends (kilala mo kung sino ka, yung isa kasi walang Multiply dahil di naman ata sya mahilig sa mga ganito), yung iba hindi ko na talaga alam. Naguguluhan na ako.

Tulad ng sinabi ko, hindi ko alam kung paano talaga mag-classify kung kaibigan ko ba talaga yung tao o hindi. Ang pananaw ko kasi, napaka-ideal. Para akong tanga. Oo na, ako na po ang may kasalanan. HINDI NAMAN PO KASI AKO MARUNONG MAKIPAG-SOCIALIZE. Pasensya na.

Kaya next time bago ako mag-rant about romance, aasikasuhin ko muna ang sarili ko at paghusayin pa yung mga friendships na nabuo ko na. Sayang kasi. Ang dami ko nang nakaaaway. Ayaw ko nang madagdagan pa yon.

Survivor: Gabon: An Insight

2008-11-21T04:16:00.000-08:00

Survivor has been known since year 2000. This show has been loved by almost everyone I knew.

To be completely honest, I just became a fan of this reality show when the 17th season aired on my favorite TV channel. So what I did so that I can have ideas about Survivor is to research on the Internet about the past seasons.

Outwit. Outplay. Outlast. This is the "tag line" of the show.

I was reading the forums earlier and I noticed a lot of fans-turned-to-haters. They keep complaining that the producers are manipulating the game too far as to favor Ken and Crystal and to diffuse the so-called Onion Alliance (the alliance originally formed by Marcus, Charlie, Jacquie , and Corrine ). I annoyed by their whines. Maybe because I have biases in favor of Kenny, but no. That's not the reason.

One. The producers didn't orchestrated the second switching of tribes to save Ken's and Crystal's @$$es. Notice that in Episode 8, the ratio of the contenders on the new switched tribe was 3:2 in favor of the growing "Onion Alliance" so that they can smash the losing tribe (where Ken and Crystal belong). But what happened? Did they succeeded voting out Ken and Crystal? NO! Why? First, because the partitioning was based on picking up a number: clearly, no producers' intervention. As I said, the ratio was 3:2 so that the 2 aforementioned are about to be toasted. Second. Susie wasn't told by the producers who to vote out. It was Marcus's fault for not being careful on winding up a story. Mathematician's rule: trash all inconsistencies. Marcus had been proven inconsistent with his speech and his cover was blown due to the bond between Ken, Crystal, and Susie.

Two. Let me tell you something: if you're watching a reality show but you already know the outcome, will it still be fun to watch? My answer is NO! Many viewers were impressed by Marcus and Charlie and they want those two to win. In fact, they keep winning the challenges and they had the numbers so they can win anytime! The producers' intention, I think, is not to save the losing people but to shaken up a bit and watch what will be the response of the contenders. Fair enough? I just meant that despite their advantage (note previous paragraph), they were still crushed. I think their overconfidence was their key to destruction.

Three. When did Ken became incompetent? When did Ken became a whiner and an idiot? Note that on Episode 3, Ken beat Physics teacher Bob on a Math puzzle despite Ken solving it on a later time. On Episode 7, Ken (together with Matty) helped their team catch up with the challenge. Also, on that episode, he orchestrated the blindside against Ace. Say, who's the incompetent idiot?

I'm going to repeat again. OUTWIT. OUTPLAY. OUTLAST. Nothing will happen if only got physical strength. This is a game of survival, not a test of strength or speed. If you want those shows, then tune in to the next Olympic games. We know that we will do anything to survive, right?

Well, just a few of my rants. To be specific, this is a counter-rant and a counter-whine to those stupid loser viewers who want Marcus to win and show more of his pen!$. Or not just to Marcus but to those who side with him, notably Charlie.

Icons from www.cbs.com. Video image found everywhere.

MS Office Programs Gone Wrong

2008-11-21T00:57:00.000-08:00

Naku, dapat 'di mo na 'to binuksan. LOL!

Nag-usap kasi kami ng younger brother ko then he came up with this:

Edison: Kuya...
Denji: Ano?! (paarte mode, as usual)
E: Narinig mo na ba ung Microsoft Worst?!
D: Worst?! [inner Denji: Aah... Word...] Oo, eh. Hahaha!
E: E ung Microsoft Powder Point?
D: E ung Microsoft Egg Cell?
E: Baka Microsoft Eggshell.
D: Hahaha! E ung Microsoft Polisher?
E: (rolling on the floor, laughing his internal organs off).

Kayo, ano pa maiisip nyo? Hehehe...

Japanese Food At Last!

2008-11-20T00:07:00.000-08:00

Before I rode my bus home, I decided to eat first at Landmark Food Center (Trinoma). At first I thought I'll buy at Jollibee or KFC but when I saw Karate Kid, my stomach growled.

Yes, I ate california maki, gyudon, strawberry mousse, and red tea. There are two objectives/reasons why I ate there: (1) because I miss Japanese food, and (2) for my chopsticks skills not to dull since it's been months since I last ate with chopsticks.

Well, I just got better. Cute. Next time, I'll put it into a different level: I'll eat rice with chopsticks next time. ^^

No pictures, though, since I was too hungry to make those "preparations".

Care to join me the next time I eat Japanese food? :)

Youniverse: MY VisualDNA

2008-11-14T01:08:00.000-08:00

Para sa mga di pumupunta ng homepage ko. Hehehe...:

My Schedule for This Semester (3.2 AY 08-09)

2008-11-08T00:30:00.000-08:00

Ang ganda, di ba? Nakakainis. Wala akong Math 110.3. Major. Naubusan ng professor from Algebra Group. Supposedly that should have been on Wednesdays-Fridays as well.

Survivor: Mathematics (Episode 3)

2008-11-06T23:45:00.000-08:00

[Finale?]

Denji can't sleep. He forced himself by 2 and he woke up by 7. He ate bacon and rice. And so he left.

He now got a green form from the College of Science. He went to the library first so that he can have his ID validated for the semester. From there he met Jan, waiting for an afternoon class. They chitchat and ate lunch together.

They met with some friends who are in the class of Math 171. They met with Regina and they went to the Shopping Center to have their meals. Regina then proceeded to pay something while Jan went to School of Economics and Denji to Palma Hall.

There was a discrepancy in the rooms. A Japanese class and the Korean class Denji is trying to enter had overlapping rooms, but after a few arrangements, they proceeded to a new room. Denji then unleashed the power of his green form. And then he was enlisted to the class. Sweet.

Then a series of "unfortunate events" fell upon his shoulders. His adviser had gone missing. After a few hours, someone stood as his adviser instead. Then he proceeded to pay but unfortunately he got the wrong line. But at that time, all the cashier offices are closed.

[The End?]

*photos available at the photos section*

===

Due to Survivor: Mathematics's low ratings, a new "show" that will be "aired" weekly will replace the said show. It's titled Daniel Jupiter and it will start next week. Only here on E-D-J, because "Admit it, we all suck. Literally and figuratively."

Survivor: Mathematics (Episode 2)

2008-11-05T22:34:00.000-08:00

[Episode 2]

Denji woke up at 6am. But since it was raining and it was cold, he decided to "heat things up first." He ate rice and shrimp for breakfast by 7. He took a bath and left.

When he was at UP, he was marveled by the length of the line. When the line moved a little, he saw his friends from Theater: Kat and Jel. He decided to accompany them and moved to the back of the line. They were all marveled by the longer line now that reached the second floor of the building. They were chitchatting while the line is moving.

When they were done, he was invited by his friends to Glorietta, to which he agreed. They ate lunch at Kenny Rogers Roasters and they watched High School Musical 3. He went home afterwards, thinking how to execute his plan involving the green form.

[To be continued...]

*photos in the photos section*

Survivor: Mathematics (Episode 1)

2008-11-04T22:54:00.000-08:00

[Episode 1]

Denji woke up at 5am. Ate rice and egg, took a bath, and went to UP.

As he was taking an FX ride, he saw lots of people in white. FEU students and UST students. He was surprised he didn't saw MCU students.

Then he rode. When he went down on SM, he remembered that he forgot his ballpen. He went to the nearest convenient store to buy himself a pen.

Then he rode the jeepney to UP. He went to the College of Science early and he got his registration materials. He soon learned that he can't get 7 Math subjects this semester, so he device a planned.

On the pre-advising, he tried his scheme to the current advisor. He said that he will finish the course in 3.5 years. But he failed and his adviser said: 6 subjects and an elective.

Rosa approached him, not to form an alliance, but to convince him to give his Special Topics slot to her. But since he loved the topics and the sensei so much, he instead decided to cancel later his Numerical Analysis slot.

Within that time, there was an alliance forming. One led by Regina and the other led by the Mark's. They plan to get Abstract Algebra III. Regina formed an alliance with Denji, and recruited other students like Eka. But soon, the Mark's soon formed a merge with Regina's alliance so that they can get the desired subject. As soon as the greater alliance was formed, they decided to "attack" Dr. Abarra.

As the plan was in process, Denji, together with Regina, Kai, and Rosa, grouped together and they went somewhere to have lunch and they talked a lot of topics not related to the "game" of Survivor. When they were finished, they decided to go back to see how the plan was going. So Kai, with he and Regina and Vanessa, went to Dr. Abarra, which told them to go to Dr. Nemenzo.

As they were in the front of his office, they wasted two hours. When they realized that, they went back to Dr. Abarra, only to realized that their plan "backfired" but they were advised to do that next time.

Denji then went to the post-advising. He split with Kai and Regina as he went to the computers for that dreaded thing called "Intent to Enroll" which seals his fate and his subjects. He then merged again with Regina and Kai, now with Jan and Rosa as they were waiting for their validated registration forms. Denji was a bit bored but he was delighted when he saw a certain Registration Assistant.

Kai and Regina ran to CSRC, splitting from the rest. Jan split as well as he needed to withdraw money. Rosa and he ran towards the University Registrar only to find out that the payment is in Palma Hall. They ran there, but it was too late: it was already 4:30PM. It means that they have to pay earlier tomorrow. Denji cursed and he was heard by all the people in the lobby.

He rode a jeepney to SM then rode a bus home. On his way, Regina texted that there were green forms at the College of Science, which made him smile because he was making another scheme in his head.

[To be Continued...]

*photos on the photos section*

I'm Ready for Tomorrow!

2008-11-03T20:42:00.000-08:00

Waaah! Enrollment week, pero bukas pa lang ako mag-uumpisa.

At heto ang laman ng aking mahiwagang shoulder bag:

1. Heroes S1 (to lend to Regina)
2. Heroes S2 (to lend to Eka)
3. Heroes S3 (to lend to Kai)
4. The Purpose-Driven Life (inulit ko ang pagbabasa)
5. Bess with earphones (my N72, for soundtripping puposes)
6. ID and previous Form 5's (kailangan, I think)
7. Towels (madali akong pagpawisan, hehehe)
8. Gaara (my 5140i, for SMS's)

At heto ang dapat mangyari:

1. Kunin ang registration materials
2. Magpa-pre-advise
3. ~~Mang-away~~ Magpetition na kumuha ng Math 110.3
note: Di ako makakauha ng Koreyano 11 dahil bawal mag-overload. Sad.
4. Post-advise
5. Assesment and all that jazz sa CSLAB
6. Payment
7. Mag-mall! 8D

My Favorite Heroes Characters

2008-11-02T22:53:00.000-08:00

Because of some event related to the USA Presidential Election, Heroes won't be showing this week. So I am going to make a tribute post: about my favorite characters. LOL.

Be warned though. This post might contain spoilers if you haven't watched until Season 2.

Now, onto the list...

Niki Sanders: The Superstrong Stripper

Who knows lasvegasniki.com? No one? Hahaha! That's Niki's website. That's where she earns her money for her and her son. Surprised? I know it's hard to be a single mother or when a mother is far away from her husband (in Niki's case, her husband is in jail). What's more pressing is that she has to make a living, she takes care of her son Micah, she has to escape from people she owed money, and struggle with her reflection. WHAT?!

Yes, Niki has this problem: Dissiociative Identity Disorder (DID), formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD). What's worse, her alternate personalty Jessica. Jessica's mean. She's badass. Plus, she's superstrong. Niki might have controlled her at the end. Plus, Niki also knew what she was capable off: whacking Sylar with a lightpost using a single hand is just a demonstration.

Why do I like Niki?

She is played by the beautiful actress Ali Larter. Well, I have a liking on Ali first when she played Niki, then Clear Rivers (Final Destination) and Brooke Taylor-Windham (Legally Blond). Oh, and also as Claire Redfield (Resident Evil: Extinction). Her portrayals are AWESOME!
I liked her story. Even though her story's more on the drama side, I completely appreciate how she coped up with the aforementioned problems.
I like Jessica as well. That makes Niki a dynamic character. One's good, other's ruthless. One's a stripper, other's an assassin. I particularly liked their line:
Niki: God, please help me...
Jessica: Who needs God when you got me?
Their voices are sexy! Jessica's is sexier, though.
She saved Monica (her son's cousin), at the cost of her life. Pretty heroic for a death. The lame thing is that it all started from Damon's (Monica's younger brother) greed.

Elle Bishop: The Sadistic Electrocuter

Yes, she had wraths about her life. She loves it and she hates it. She's a killer machine with a mind of a kid. What's worse? Don't mess with his father, Bob, or you will be turned into a gold.

Elle has many issues. She has been experimented since she was a kid. She blossomed inside the laboratory, electrocuting circuits. She was diagnosed as a sociopath. But who would love a girl with such tweaking issues? I do!

Why do I like Elle?

She's a sadist. I'm a masochist. We're perfect [sex] partners.
She's beautiful! Swear! Seen Veronica Mars? Awww... Kristen Bell's beautiful!
She has cute screams. You'd want to hear her scream.
She delivers her lines pretty well. Simple lines such as "Hey you." and "He's cute. Can I keep him?" became cute when Bell delivered them. Keep me, Kristen, keep me!!!

Ando Masahashi: Partner in Time [and Space]

Lost has Korean characters. Heroes has Japanese. Well, James Kyson Lee is Korean, though. But Ando's Japanese. He's a simple office worker who's friends with Hiro Nakamura who can bend space-time continuum.

Hiro likes his powers. Ando likes girls. They may not get along, but when Hiro is in trouble there is Ando to save the day. Even though powerless, he's still a hero.

Why do I like Ando?

He's East-Asian. I find all East-Asians cute, though.
I liked his lines. I like the writers for that, though. Ando is a comic relief. First, he wants to find hope. The next thing is he meets a girl named Hope.
I liked how he pursuits girls. First Niki, then Hope, then Kimiko (Hiro's sister). Who's next?

No More End Points: Go On To Eternity

2008-11-02T14:27:00.000-08:00

It's not just the time for me to think outside the box; it's time for me to MOVE outside the box.

I don't know the exact reason why am I trying to contain myself in a container that was not meant to fit me in. I used to blame my past for everything that's happening to me: the molestation done to me, my being socially inept, my conservative clan, the not being actually free. Then I realized: past is already past. It might be a cliché that I should have known better from the start, but no. I used to hold on to my past. I used to tell them, "Ah, ganito ako kasi ganiyan ang nangyari sa akin," or something like that.

I'm trying to reconstitiute myself this time. So I thought I analyze myself and re-segregate what's on my mind. Here are they as follows, then explanations later:

What I Want	What I Need
To have sex with a guy and a girl (not at the same time) so I can know how it feels like.¹ To finish my course and find a job. To buy all the gadgets that I want to use, all the books that I want to read. To be a star/be famous. That the LGBT group be accepted in the community. To eat everything I fancy. Not to whine anymore/Get rid of my so-called "mood swings".	Someone that I really love and will love me as well. To make love with that person after, maybe, a month of relationship.² To make solid, long-lasting friendships. To study Mathematics fruitfully and not to flush them out of my system again. To tell the world who I really am without worries. To learn to cook and to drive. To take risks.

Notes:
¹ My father once told me that I am just confused so he told me to take to some "massage parlor" where I can "lay a girl down", which I obligingly declined as of date.
² Which may mean Want#1 and Need#1 has to be satisfied first.

Look, the list is not complete. But that's just some of my thoughts that, I think, is "urgent" as of the meantime. But notice that both the 7^th lines are the most important to date. I don't need to confine myself in this place I'm in. I should go out: I should learn to accept failures because they are natural and it's through failures that we learn, right? And as my friend said: I need someone to talk to about my state. One person came in mind but I think she won't "have time for that" since she had problems of her own and I think that the only advise she can give me is, "That's life: Suck it up!"

I am to start a whole new life again (I said that a lot of times, but this time it's "different"). Haha, I'm lost at words. I think I'll post an update next time.

Yung Panaginip Ko Kagabi

2008-10-31T15:48:00.000-07:00

Nasa Math Bldg. daw ako. There's nothing wrong except the canteen. Ibang look. Mas malaki. Pero gloomy and dark. Nasa harapan na ako ng counter para um-order ng ramen (WTF, may ramen sa MB?!). Nasa harapan ang isang taong nung nakita ko ay nagulat ako. Paano ba naman, new hairstyle. Mas nagulat ako dahil ningitian niya ako. Sinabihan niya ako ng "Hi!" Akong ulol naman, yumuko at ngumisi. Nangiti. Kinilig baga.

Yun lang ang naalala ko sa panaginip ko... T_T

Nawala na yung prophetic dreams ko, kaya di ko malalaman kung mangyayari itong scene na to. Pero pag nakita ko nga siya na new hairstyle,
liligawan ko siya
aantayin kong ligawan niya ako
aayain ko siyang mag-date
hahawakan ko ang kamay niya
NEVERMIND!!!

Waaaah...

Mababaliw na ako. T_T

Survivor: Gabon: The Likeables, The Un-Likeables, and The Bitches

2008-10-30T19:15:00.000-07:00

I think it was so stupid of me that Survivor has been around since 2000, yet I just started to become a fan recently. I love watching Survivor not just because it's a reality show and there are physical and mental challenges but also it's fun to watch, then observe, how different people act in different situations.

Previously on Survivor: Gabon...

It All Depends on the Pin-Up Girl:
Fang lost again in the reward and immunity challenge (although it's individual immunity this time). Marcus (the I'll-flash-my-penis-for-a-few-seconds doctor) won the immunity and, as an added twist, he also hailed Sugar (the pin-up girl) another immunity. Pressure rises up on Fang on who's to go next. Crystal's (the Olympic gold medalist-slash-whiner) name come's to mind until Kenny (the video game master and the I-beat-Physics-teacher-in-a-Math-question Asian) tricked Sugar that Ace (the "puppeteer") will vote-off her next. The result: Ace was voted-off: 3-2 against Crystal. Another surprise is the double elimination: Kota is to vote-off a member as well, and Dan (the hungry) was voted off at 5-2 against Susie (the few-liner).

My comments/rants about the contestants:

The Likeables:
1. Ken - the professional video gamer. He's Asian (Vietnamese to be exact). Don't underestimate his slim physique: he's doing quite well in challenges. Plus, he's kinda socially neutral but I think he can easily manipulate others because he talks well
2. Kelly - the student. This blonde [I think that I have weakness for blondes] spitfire is one of those two who stood against Ace prior to the tribe-shuffling. Sadly, she's just an all-face-no-effort lady.
3. Paloma - the waitress. A Hispanic who also stood against Ace. But sadly, since Ace is a manipulator, she was voted off. Poor girl, she's small yet tough.
4. Charlie - the lawyer. He's gay and he likes Marcus. Plus, he's a member of that so-called "onion alliance". Fear him: he's strong yet socially-likeable.
5. Sugar - the pin-up model. She may be blonde and she may look weak, but she's showing strong streaks (one is by obtaining the Hidden Immunity Idol). Can easily be manipulated, though.

The Unlikeables:
1. Ace - the photographer. Yeah, you're strong, but I hate your head full of hot air. You're nothing but body, no-brainer.
2. Crystal - the Olympic gold medalist. One of the fastest females in the world and at the same time, one of the strongest to whine in the game. You win, you boast. You lose, you cry.
3. GC - the maintenance man. Another whiner. The worse is: he's a quitter. You join Survivor not to quit the game but to win. Seriously, Sugar is better than you.

The Bitch and The Bastard:
1. Corrine - the pharmaceutical salesperson. The number one bitch of the game: the ruthless queen. Get into her way and I'll see you be burned later. Be forwarned: she is another member of the onion alliance.
2. Randy - the wedding videographer. He fonds of attaching himself to stronger alliances and can get ways to get himself into that alliance. He likes to see the other tribe lose more that to see his tribe win. Now, he is another member of the onion alliance.

For more info, visit Survivor on CBS.

Apologies

2008-10-28T21:48:00.000-07:00

Apologies. My previous last entry, I wrote it during my insanity times. I want to say sorry.

I don't think I still realize what's wrong with me. But I know I can do it: one step at a time.

I Did It Again

2008-10-28T04:47:00.000-07:00

Grave mistake. It was a different version this time.

How am I suppose to get a normal life if my whole emotional aspect is b*tching me? Or is THIS my normal life? To get hurt? But I feel pain! Am I suppose to feel pain for the rest of my life?! Am I suppose to feed on pain, to nourish me, for me to grow battered? How can I go one step further if steps one to five are already messed up?

I need a break. Seriously. I wanted to fix things. I wish they can be fixed that easily.

I WANT TO HEAL EVERYTHING!

I can't... control my life anymore. It's hard.

I wish those two persons would end my life, my suffering. Either that or I wish they could help me fix this "mess". I want a "normal" life... I wanted to have one...

"I'm not normal and I never will be. I'm a lot of things... an agent, a villain, an orphan, and I'm running out of places to go."

~Elle Bishop; Sum Quod Sum, Part 2

Ang Marikit na Perlas...

2008-10-27T16:09:00.000-07:00

Naglalakad ako sa dalampasigan isang hapon. Ang ganda ng paglubog ng araw. Kulay orange. Una, sa gilid lang ako naglalakad. Pero 'di kalaunan, pinasya kong lumangoy patungo sa ilalim ng dagat.

Maganda ang dagat. Maraming isda at korales. Ang gandang pagmasdan ng dagat. Ngunit may isang bagay na lalong nakatawag sa akin ng pansin: isang perlas.

Kay ganda ng perlas na iyon. Malaki siya at makinang. Anupa't pinasasaya niya ako. Habang tinitignan ko siya, parang nawala ang kirot sa puso po. Pinapangiti niya ako; pinapangit niya ang puso ko. Unti-unti akong lumapit sa kaniya at hinaplos siya.

Habang natutuwa ako sa perlas, nakaramdam ako ng masama. HIndi ko alam kung bakit, pero kinakabahan ako. Parang hindi ako makahinga. Tama, nasa ilalim ako ng dagat. Pero may iba pang dahilan sa kaba ko.

Lumayo ako ng bahagya sa perlas para makita ang kaniyang kabuuan. Pero nagulat ako sa aking nakita: isang napakalaking talaba. Isang talaba na nagmamay-ari sa perlas. Nanghinayang ako. Hindi ko kayang kunin ang perlas. Ang talaba na ang nagmamay-ari sa kaniya. Bigla nalang sinara ng talaba ang kaniyang higanteng bibig. Dahil doon, nagkaroon ng napakalakas na alon. Inanod ako. Hindi ako makahinga. Nalulunod ako. Mukhang hindi na ako makakalapit sa perlas na iyon kahit kailan. Naging madilim ang lahat ng nakikita ko.

...

Dinilat ko ang aking mga mata at ako'y napaubo. Isang halik. Isang halik ang gumising sa akin. Ngunit, sino siya? Pilit akong bumangon pero wala akong nakita. Lumupasay na lang ulit ako sa buhangin. Umiiyak.

Got It All Wrong

2008-10-27T15:03:00.000-07:00

I am already in the prove/disprove part of that thing I was talking last time: If those 3 4 signs will be another doom for me. Turns out, they're not all related... Yet. But at least I'm assured there's nothing wrong with me.

On the lighter note, I'm going to wait for the latest episode of Heroes 3. They're getting more and more fantastic, you know. But I'm not going to reveal anything since it may turn out to be spoiler to others. :P

I'm patiently waiting for the episode. Then while download is in the process, I'm going to make some popcorn and chill my wine!

YATTA!

Dapat Ba Akong Matuwa?

2008-10-26T02:09:00.000-07:00

I can see it coming.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I always do it wrong. I'm on the verge of yet another breakdown. I can see my doom.

Supposedly, Aquarius's element is air: meaning, I uphold freedom and I can do what I always want. Yes, I can always do what I want but I opted not to because I'm emotionally and socially weak. Water embodies me more, since I just let myself be formed, or rather, be a product of my environment.

I can see my doom. I don't know what to do. I can't do nothing but pretend I'm okay. I'm tired of waiting. I have to face it with all my strength.

I'm waiting for the second sign of my impending doom. The first already happened. T_T

Competitiveness...

2008-10-25T22:57:00.000-07:00

I remembered when I was on my 1st year. I thought since I'm here on THIS university, I can't expect high grades anymore. But as I "transcended" into 2nd year, my fierceness got into me once again, and this is the fruit of my labor.

In fairness, as I "compute" my grades in MSExcel (up until 3rd Yr: 1st Sem), I was "crying" as my average is flashing right before my eyes!

Yosh, I have decided to reach at least the Magna Cum Laude standing! (I think I can't put myself up to the Summa Cum Laude rank. But who knows?)

Notes: Grades on Math123.1 and Math122 are theoretical and are subject to change.

The Fan Fiction That Was Never Meant To Be Written

2008-10-24T00:25:00.000-07:00

I'm an avid fan of fiction, or any other works of literature for the matter. I'm trying to write some, but sadly, puro umpisa lang sila.

There's this particular idea that's been popping on my mind ever since I was in Second Year High School. It's been 5 years, but I haven't started on the story yet; just the characters. I wanted to post my ideas here, but no. I really can't do anything.

I guess I should really start about it, ne?

Do you know why I can't start that? It's because I'm bothered by their birth dates. Call me trivial or OC, but I strongly believe on those astrology things. And astrology does play as one of the central themes of my story so I really can't start since I'm idle learning the whole stuff of Chinese and Western astrology. T_T

To give you an idea of what my write-up is all about, I can only say it is a mixture of Sailormoon, Heroes/X-Men, and your regular teen-age drama flicks as major "ingredients".

*sigh* When can I start? I am to graduate college now... T_T

Denji gets BJ(Buko Juice)-ed!

2008-10-19T19:18:00.000-07:00

Warning: Post contains sexual undertones and not suitable for children under 72 years of age. Ask consent from an infant.

We are on our way home from Malolos City when my father decided to buy buko juice for all of us.

While I'm inserting the straw on my cup (with lid, of course), some of the juice accidentally spilled over my crotch area and when the straw was fully inserted, i "cried",

"NA-B.J. AKO!"

To my father's shock, he asked, "Anong BJ?" And my mother replied, "Buko Juice! Anak, gusto mong masampal?"

5 Things I Need To Do This Sembreak

2008-10-18T22:02:00.000-07:00

Inspired by Kristin's latest entry (Cass, dalaga ka na, Kristin na tawag namin sa'yo! LOL)

1. Huwag munang mag-celebrate ng sembreak
~> secret ko na to kung bakit. may friend kasi ako (na apparently close na sakin) na di pa niya sembreak. so, hindi muna ako magse-sembreak! *basa mode*

2. Mag-ayos ng kuwarto
~> you wish! perpetually messy ala JB na ang room ko. anton dito, nering doon, sherbert sa other side... san ka pa? lol, seriously, mag-aayos ako.

3. Matulog ng maaga at least once
~> para umabot ako ng 6. (cass, maniwala ka sa kapangyarihan ng tulog! lol) saka healthy din angmatulog ng maaga. kaso, a-yo-ko. :P

4. Mag-DL ng latest eps ng Heroes 3
~> at i-burn, then i-lend kay kai. mwahaha!

5. Movie marathon!
~> jan-ssi, anong movies ba uli un? O_O

may dagdag pa pala!

6. Naruto, Bleach, Death Note, et al
~> kailangan ko ng maging updated! whaaaaa!!!

Sembreak? Not!: The Evaluation of 1st Sem AY 2008-2009

2008-10-18T18:54:00.000-07:00

Name: LUMIDAO, Edward Jenned, Manicad
Year: III
Course: BS Mathematics
College/School: College of Science [Institute of Mathematics! woohoo!]

Subjects: (for Year 3.1 only)
1. Math 122 (Differential Equations and Applications)
Professor: Dr. Yoshifumi Takenouchi

Section Background: Heto yung isa sa mga classes where we sought petition for an additional section. Surprisingly, yung section pa na yun ang unang napuno. More surprisingly, hindi si Ma'am Sy ang naging teacher namin (in contrast dun sa indicated sa CRS) kung hindi si Sir Yoshi. Hinimatay ako ~~sa red underwear niya~~...

Subject Rating: 5 stars. Ang galing niyang magturo. Plantsadong-plantsado sa lahat ng sections. Scripted baga.
My Performance: 4 stars. Uno-able, kaso ang dali kong tamarin. T_T

2. Physics 10 (Physics and Astronomy for Pedestrians)
Professor: Dr. Carlo Amadeo Alonzo

Section Background: Isang GE. Dapat Chemistry 1 ang kukunin ko kaso dahil blockbuster hit, Physics 10 ang kinuha ko. No regrets. Masaya naman. Mahilig mag-drawing si Sir Alonzo ng rabbits. Kaya Sir Rabbit ang tawag namin sa kanya. Kaso dahil maraming walang pasok, hindi namin na-discuss yung astronomy. Type ko~~ng magturo~~ sila Sir Blanca at Ma'am Legara, dalawa sa mga guest lecturers nung last part.

Subject Rating: 4.5 stars. Medyo magulo yung ibang guest lecturers kaya hindi perfect pero since magaling naman si Sir Rabbit at cute ang bunny drawings niya...
My Performance: 5 stars. May 6 stars ba? 8D

3. Koreyano 10 (Elementaring Koreyano I)
Professor: Dr. Bong-Cheol Lee (Visiting Professor)

Section Background: Dapat Hapon 10 ang kukunin ko pero dahil blockbuster Foreign Language Elective siya, I chose my second option. Lee-seonsaengnim was a bit slow in teaching at first pero biglang bumilis. Marami naman akong natutunan, kaso pahirapan talaga sa vocabs.

Subject Rating: 5 stars. In its purest form. Pero in reality, 3 stars lang.
My Performance: 5 stars. Dapat nga 10 stars, eh. Kaso 5 yung maximum. Saka, ang daya. May magic. Hindi ko siya na-uno. T_T

4. Math 123.1 (Advanced Calculus I)
Professor: Dr. Marian Roque

Section Background: Si Ma'am Roque na yata ang pinaka-sosyal na prof na nakilala ko. Sosyal manamit, sosyal magturo, sosyal tumawa. Kaso pag bumanat, nako, tamaan na ang tatamaan. Lol. E paano naman kasi, nasa same coset sila ni Geometry "Queen" (Disclaimer: Ma'am Roque daw ang former Geometry Queen. Parehong may 11th finger ang mga naturang reyna. Kaso yung kay Ma'am Roque, totoong 11th finger na nasa kamay niya yun. Yung sa isa pang "reyna", nasa somewhere down there. :P)

Subject Rating: 5 stars. Marami kang matututunan sa kanya. Lalo na sa mga banat.
Performance Rating: 4.99 stars. Sayang! Konting-konti nalang!!! T_T

5. Math 110.2 (Abstract Algebra I)
Professor: Dr. Julius Basilla

Section Background: Isa uli sa mga section na newly-opened. Natuwa naman ako, kasi si Sir JB uli ang magiging prof ko. Kasi marami kang matututunan sa kanya, math-related man o hindi. Kaso the way he teaches, according to a friend, ay "parang kwarto (office/faculty room) niya". Pero magaling talaga siya. Swear.

Subject Rating: 3 stars. Teka, dagdagan mo ng isang moon. At isang malaking emoticon na 8D.
My Performance: Blackhole. 0 out of 5 stars. Ang failure ko. T_T

6. Math 150.1 (Mathematical Statistics I)
Professor: Dr. Adrian Roy Valdez (1st 2 parts)/Dr. Jose Ma. Escaner IV (Last part)

Section Background: Ang section na ginamitan ko ng hacking para makuha. :P Opposite ends of spectrum ang way of teaching nila sa subject na ito. Sir Valdez is more theoretical, while Sir Escaner is more on applications.

Subject Rating: 5 stars. Di ko lang talaga siyang kayang i-appreciate.
My Performance: 3 stars. Nag-effort naman ako, no. Kahit hindi ko lang siya ma-absorb at ma-digest.

Overall Semester Rating: 4 stars. The best sem pa rin ung kay goddess Ma'am Zolah.
My Overall Performance: 4.5 stars. I never did better on any other sems than this one.

Other Things/Miscellaneous: NO COMMENT! >o<
==============
Post: Sembreak ko na nga pero di pa ako magse-celebrate. May dadamayan pa ako. 8D

Frustrations and Loss of Inspiration... And Failures

2008-10-18T02:27:00.000-07:00

I woke up early so that I can go to UP early to review. When I was already there, I started reviewing at the library. After a few more scans and reads, I rested and met my friends. Practically, we were "enjoying" (there were 2 birthday celebrants) the times until our professor came.

EVERYTHING IS A DISASTER! I only know 2 out of 5 items. At the end, I answered 2.5/5 items. Here are my failures:

1. linear independence of vectors <=> non-singular coordinate matrix
~>I'd done the <= part. For the => part, I was trying the contrapositive. Later did I realize that I am almost done. Sadly, I don't know what to do that time.
Points: 0.5 x 7

2. how many sol's does AX=0 have if AX=B has no sol'n?
~>My answer: the nullity of A. The answer: infinitely many. My professor said, "Mapapamura ka kapag nalaman mo yung sagot". And he was right. This is actually related to the => part of 1.
Points: 0

3. find P s.t. P'AP is diagonal
~>Easy. I almost forgot the answer. If not for the hint given by my professor earlier, I will have no answer for this item.
Points: 1 x 7

4. if A^m is 0, show I-A is non-singular
~>Very Easy. Just abuse the series expansion of 1/(1-x).
Points: 1 x 7

5. if A is an orthogonal basis, then the norm is preserved on the linear transformation
~>No comment.
Points: 0 x 7

Total: 50%. FAILING
Final Grade: 67%. => 2.75. Letse. You broke my streak. T_T

Actually, before and during the exam, I was waiting for a divine intervention, but nothing came. Good thing, at home, there was popcorn and soda. At least they made me happy.

Arigato, Sensei!

2008-10-13T22:32:00.000-07:00

Turns out, this day is good. 8D

I was so sleepy this morning. I slept at 5, woke up at 6. I (or, my parents) decided that I should take up the morning exam. I haven't reviewed, really. It was so stupid of me to drink coffee during midnight. I really feel sleepy. I thought this will be the end.

I slept at the bus. Yeah, and my talent resurfaced once again: I woke up exactly at the stop where I needed to go.

Forward to the exam time. It was sensei's birthday yesterday but I don't know how to greet him. I recognized later that our exam was our sample exam! Stupid! Argh!

At the middle of the exam, sensei suddenly approached me to give a book (that was a reward for... performing good. 8D) and took pictures of... me. 8D (well, he has a purpose for that; besides, he always brings that cam of his)

After I finished the exam, I submitted my answer sheet (ie, bluebook) to the proctor (sensei went to some place that time) and waited for my friend outside. My classmate was done and my prof went to the exam room again. So my friend and I went inside the room to ask him again. My friend asked for her book and I asked something about the thank-you letter.

I said to him at the end: Otanjobi omodetou.
And he replied: Arigato!

Kawaii!!!

Then other things came, like the result of my exam in Linear Algebra. I never expected to get a high grade. 8D

Basta, this day is so good... 8D

Cum Laude Standing!

2008-10-12T20:37:00.000-07:00

I really, really, can't believe it. I thought my M150.1 (Math Stat) will be a disaster. But lady luck smiled and as of when that grade was released, I already attained THAT standing! w00t!

*commercial: hindi ko intensyon ang magbuhat ng sarili kong bangko. Wala naman kasing ~~nagmamahal sakin~~ nagbabasa ng blog ko.*

But what I'm fearing now is my status in M110.2 (Linear Algebra). Given I got the lowest passing grade of 3, I'm still in the same status. But that's not my ~~main~~ concern. I fear of failing that subject. I got that same feeling last M63 (Calculus 2), M64 (Calculus 3) and M110.1 (Group Theory). But the feeling gets worse ~~chronologically~~ as time passes. I fear I might fail. I really have to study hard.

But I had the greatest distraction of all time. That's my main problem.

I Want You So Much

2008-10-12T00:37:00.000-07:00

You just don't know how much I miss you; more as each day pass...

I want to break away from my own zone and be with you. I want you. I want to hold your warm hands and place them in my cheeks. Then I will smell the scent of your hands and I will close my eyes. I want my hands to run on your hair, hold you on your chin and kiss you.

I want you. I want to tell you how much you mean to me. I want to hold you and hug you. I want you to be near me; as near as possible. I don't want you to go away. I want to touch your everything. I want to kiss you. I want you to teach me what love really means.

But that dream just ended. I cried. I don't want you away from me. I wanted you. You vanished like grains of sand carried away by the wind. I want you. I want you...

Plurk: A New "Place" to Rant

2008-10-11T00:16:00.000-07:00

I just found out that cool site some people are talking about. And what's great about it is I found it, as the title says, a new place to rant.

Which means, I'll be putting less rants and random things on Multiply and more on Plurk. I'll now be putting more "meaningful" entries here since everything is cross-posted with Blogspot and Livejournal (I'm tired of removing those check marks).

to anonymous:
사랑해요~... <3

PS: I won't be blogging anymore on Friendster. It just sucks, it really does.

Wasp: Stings

2008-09-21T22:17:00.000-07:00

I just came from my uncle to ask about routers that time and I was walking home, when suddenly...

My left elbow was stung by a wasp! Yeouch! Seemingly, I had this little boil on my elbow as an effect.

What's with my left arm, really?

My mom said, "Andami-daming putakte sa ilalim ng bahay natin [we live on the second floor of our house], sa may kanto ka pa nakagat?!"

Take Time to Read: I FEEL HUMAN

2008-09-21T04:09:00.000-07:00

I watched Heroes Season 2 as to make sure I haven't missed a single detail. Season 3 is fast approaching.

Wonder why Angela Petrelli stole socks last Season 1? Wonder why Claire Bennet can't get over her emotional angst last Season 2? It goes around on one theme: feeling human.

No, it's not that I have a superpower myself. As human beings, we are meant to feel as we are to be: joy, acceptance, recognition, triumph; depression, rejection, persecution, defeat.

I know you know that I am having emotional problems right now. And I thought all of this time that I can cope up by either enduring the pain that I feel or by ignoring the same feeling. I realized: both of them were wrong. But the question now is: How can I feel human?

Why does enduring pain doesn't make me feel human? I think it is because hiding something and posing a happy face makes me "normal" [note that I made pain endurance and pretentious feelings synonymous]. It makes me blend in the background: vanish to be specific. But you know what will happen to the pressure cooker when it stays in the heat for long, right? Yes, the useful mechanism will blow up. Same to me.

Why does ignoring my problems doesn't make me feel human? Now, the reason is that I am avoiding what I am to face. We know problems are given to be solved, not to be escaped. I must learn to analyze and find a solution: yet, I only stop at the analysis step. I think it is inhuman to just neglect these problems.

Now, I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to feel human. I know of a couple of things, but I am afraid it will cost me very much.

You knew I lost a lot of friends so my emotional dependence has reached its maximum. Yet again, I realized this is the first step to feel human: HAVE FRIENDS YOU CAN TRUST, HAVE FRIENDS THAT YOU WON'T BETRAY AND THAT WON'T BETRAY YOU, HAVE FRIENDS THAT UNDERSTANDS YOU THE MOST AND WON'T BACKSTAB YOU. You know what? I found a few of them. To be specific, I have 2 friends that matches the criteria. And I am happy with that.

Yes, I do start to feel human but beyond that first step: I don't know what to do. I want you to help me, build a journey with me that I can't forget. I haven't made Elementary and High School memories [except for the Press Conference]. And now, before I graduate this College, I want you to let me know how to feel human. Because I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of thinking and imagining: it just drives me crazy.

And another thing: like I mentioned earlier, I keep on losing friends. You know, you may give me an advise that I have to be real in order to gain friends. The problem is: I AM BEING REAL, I AM BEING ME, yet they want to avoid me like I have a Shanti Virus or some sort.

So I want you to give me an advise on how should I perform better. I don't want to be a leech that sucks on a nearest outlet. I want to be contained yet I want to get free. I know you don't get what I say but if you do start a journey with me, I think you would know me better. Give me good advises, perhaps?

============

Thank you for your time. Pardon the grammar.

It's The Left Pinky This Time

2008-09-19T01:19:00.000-07:00

Why is my left hand prone to accidents?

I'm actually alright with my left index finger since I can now bear the pain and I can type more efficiently. But now, here's the problem.

I'm trying to fix our internet connection. It should have been easy but there is something wrong with the set-up of the wires and the exhaust fan. What happened next?

Well, to make the story short, at the last step of my work, my left pinky was shredded by the exhaust fan! Yikes!

Now I look like a conio when I'm typing this, I think. I had my pinky always raised. It hurts. T_T

I remembered what my prof said earlier: A small child will place his fingers in an electric fan just to find out that it hurts. In the child's place, that's innocence. In my place, that's ignorance. T_T

I feel like a baby...

Heroes Countdown!

2008-09-17T01:54:00.000-07:00

I can't believe 09/22 will be coming in a few winks!

I'd been a fan of Heroes since it was shown on RPN9 [now C/S]. I haven't watch the premiere at that time, but it was a good thing I was a "surfer" and an avid fan of ~~pirated~~ DVD's, I got to know the show, and it was so cool!

Let's see... We have an empathic nurse, a flying politician, a mind-reader cop, a spacetime-bending otaku, an indestructible cheerleader, a superstrong stripper... Let's add to the list a "viral" vixen, an electric sadist, and a young-looking 400y/o guy! Get a load of that...

Now Season 3 is to come... I wasn't really disappointed with Season 2 but damn Writers' Strike >.< . There are spoilers roaming around (I love spoilers, BTW) and I am so interested what is to come! I can't contain my excitement!

LESS THAN A WEEK TO GO!

P.S.: How can I watch it when I'm not in the U.S.? Hmm... It's yours to find out. Hint: When I say "watch", I mean watch. And, no, not the pirated DVD's, please. I just buy them to re-watch. :P

The Left Index Finger

2008-09-16T02:04:00.000-07:00

Out of stupidity, my left index finger broke. It hurts. It has a mean cut from the flesh to my nails. Just imagine Sylar cracking up fingernails... T_T

It was on a van, I was trying to fold a specific chair because we were in the terminal already. I don't know the orientation of the fold so when I fold it correctly, and my index finger was on the grain... Damn, it hurts! There was a lake of blood inside the vehicle! 8D

So this just meant I can't ~~masturbate~~ use a fork properly. Poor me. I will be like this for a month...

Want photos? 8D

These Are My Lessons Of The Century

2008-09-07T22:25:00.000-07:00

*pardon the grammar*

I hate this feeling; this feeling of loneliness, emptiness, guilt. It's always the fact that when I go to school, I hide my face under the mask of happiness since I am really crying. Emotional, eh?

First thing: I learned not to make lots of friends. I think a few will do. But do you know why, in the first place, I'd like to make new friends?

It's because I'm socially deprived. My youth days had been surrounded by the four walls of our house, trying to learn academics. I never went out and play with my neighbors. I only play with my cousins in our backyard. It feels like I'm locked up inside, helpless. Still, I was attending school but I wasn't given a chance to interact with my classmates.

I grew up like that for 12 years [from Nursery until I graduated in High School]. I never knew sports. I barely knew social life. I don't even know Counter Strike and Ragnarok back then. And I hated those times. They were calling me nerd and geek like forever. I just can't stand it. I'm unsocial [not antisocial: it's a different thing], I know it. But that fact doesn't have to be pressed down hard on me.

It was 3.5 years ago when I fell in love. But I knew bulls' eye from the start that having a relationship is impossible because I barely knew wooing. So I wanted to have friendship instead. I wanted my first love to be my very first friend, my best friend. But in the end? I cried. Why? It's because I confessed my feelings. And days after, my first love became so distant to me. It was 7 days that I cried myself to sleep. I lost a friend and a loved one.

But I didn't stop there. For 2.5 years [after I graduated], I fell in love with different people and confessed to some of them. But out of those gazillion people I confessed up, only one remained as my friend but still, that person is too distance to me nowadays. Sad? No, very sad.

Yet again, I am in love. I don't want to be messed up anymore. I'm not going to love anymore. I'm not going to confess anymore. I just wanted to be stuck up in my own realm.

So where, you say, was the friendship part? Well, they were above and some few friends of mine that I can count by my fingers. I wanted to maintain my friendship to the people whom I had feelings before, but they were gone just like that. Others even despised me. It hurts a lot: those stupid promises they give me. That they will understand, that I will still be their friend. But where are they?

I guess I really had to be contented with a few friends that I have. They are the ones that understand me the most. They are the ones who keep my many secrets. They were always there for me and I promise that I, in return, will always be here for them no matter what the consequences are.

I don't want to cry. No, I cannot cry now. My eyes are now dry. I just have to live with a few blessings of mine. I am contented with those things now.

This is another lesson I realized, and maybe the last one for the meantime: never ever expect. I wished I was Lady Strike's brother and take everything for granted, but no. Even so, I am idle. And I never took risks. I may be adventurous at heart but the problem is execution. I always play safe. I never went out of my comfort zone and try a few things I never tried before [except for food tripping].

Even at school and studies, I am idle. At weekends, I always play video games. At weeknights, I surf the net. I always think I know anything. Or yet, I always think that what I am learning is enough to pass. I lack encouragement.

This is also related to the first lesson I learned. I am expecting to have new friends. I am expecting that I retain those friendships. But no, I'm just daydreaming and wishing everything turned the way I wanted it.

I don't know if a new Denji will resurface. I just don't know. But I don't want to cry. I don't want to love. I don't want to expect. Yet, I want to live. I want to be happy.

*sigh* Denji is such an idiotic creature... Isn't he?

Updates on Promotional Pictures

2008-09-02T23:55:00.000-07:00

*SPOILER*

added the 5th promotional picture of Heroes.

Go to this [link] to view them...

Dating Profile Quiz, My Results

2008-08-27T03:34:00.000-07:00

Your dating personality profile:

Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.
Adventurous - Just sitting around the house is not something that appeals to you. You love to be out trying new things and really experiencing life.
Shy - You are often timid around others, though you will open up when the right person comes along.

Your Top Ten Traits

1. Big-Hearted
2. Adventurous
3. Shy
4. Funny
5. Sensual
6. Conservative
7. Stylish
8. Religious
9. Intellectual
10. Practical

Your date match profile:

Conservative - Forget liberals, you need a conservative match. Political discussions interest you, and a conservative will offer the viewpoint you need.
Big-Hearted - You want someone compassionate, someone gentle and kind. A loving, nurturing person will fill that hole in your life.
Religious - You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life.

Your Top Ten Match Traits

1. Conservative
2. Big-Hearted
3. Religious
4. Traditional
5. Adventurous
6. Outgoing
7. Funny
8. Athletic
9. Stylish
10. Wealthy/Ambitious

Take the Dating Profile Quiz at Would I Date You

Classic Temperament Test (My Results)

2008-08-17T04:22:00.000-07:00

http://www.inrl.info/tests/temperament/

----------

Test results

Extraversy scale: 12/24 (50%)
Emotional stability: 5/24 (20%)

Results validity

Your result for Validation scale shows that you were honest with your answers, your self-appraisal is adequate.

Results interpretation

Your results show that you have double mixed temperament of Melanholic and Choleric with dominant part of Melanholic!

Positive traits: Gifted, analytical, aesthetic, self-sacrificing, industrious, self-discplined.

Negative traits: Moody, self-centered, persecution-prone, revengeful, touchy, theoretical, unsociable, critical, negative.

The Melancholic is an introverted, logical, analytical, factual, private, lets-do-it-right person. Melancholics respond to others in a slow, cautious and indirect manner. Melancholics are reserved and suspicious until sure of your intentions. They are timid and may appear unsure and have a serious expression. They are self-sacrificing, gifted and they tend to be a perfectionist. The Melanholic is the most dependable of the temperaments due to his perfectionist tendencies. He is well organized, he is determined to make the right and best decision. His analytical ability allows him to accurately diagnose obstacles and problems, which often keep him from making changes - he prefers the status quo and may seem overly pessimistic. The Melancholics needs reassurance, feedback and reasons why they should do something. They need information, time to think and a plan.

Melanholics have difficulty giving praise and approval because they cannot bring themselves to say something that is not 100% true. They also are usually dissatisfied with themselves being highly self-critical. Other weaknesses include being "thin skinned" or touchy and easily offended. He often feels persecuted and may seek revenge for real or imagined insults. He can be intolerant and impatient with those who do not see things his way.

This temperament is associated with the season of autumn (dry and cold) and the element earth. Melancholies tend to have a negative attitude toward something new until they have had time to think it over. Melancholies are skeptical about most everything but they are creative and capable people. He may choose a difficult life vocation involving personal sacrifice. Many melancholies become doctors, scientists or artists.

People with Melanholic/Choleric temperament are both a perfectionists and a drivers which may lead them into the law or medicine. They mix decisiveness and determination. Because of the critical nature of the melancholy they may be very difficult to please. If they become negative about someone or something it will have a tendency to stay with them for a long time. Their combination can lead them to "nit-pick" others and be revengeful to those they have a grudge against.

Oscillating Moods [read: Mood Swings]

2008-07-31T02:55:00.000-07:00

Malas... Swerte... Malas... Swerte... Malas... Swerte...
(in English: Un... Lucky... Un... Lucky... Un... Lucky... *thunder clap*)

Apparently, I don't know how to orient myself. Imagine, I have 4 major subjects which are heck of loads, I am trying to get a scholarship, I am trying to learn Korean language, and I am trying to gear up my future.

Nothing. Nothing goes into my head right now. So WARNING: this is to become a senseless post.

I've been thinking lately: I'm pwned in this so-called "lovelife". Before, I badly needed one. Now? Nah, I haven't experienced having a partner yet but I'm starting to "quit it". Desperate measures calls for desperation.

I'm trying my darn best to concentrate on the academic side of life, but I'm easily tempted by the "Intarwebz" and by Silmeria [Valkyrie Profile 2, that is]. I haven't forseen my end yet, but if this lack of focus goes on then doomsday is sure to come.

3 years ago, I'm on the top of the mountain. Now, I'm on the depths of the ocean.

I need Heroes 3 right now... T_T

The more you hate (The more you backstab?!), the more you love.

I miss Wednesdays-off.

Hold me, love me. Ain't got nothing but love, babe. Eight days a week.

~Kristy Lee Cook, Eight Days a Week, American Idol 7

I need your love. I need your love. Godspeed your love to me.

~Kellie Pickler, Unchained Melody, American Idol 5

I don't want to close my eyes. I don't want to sleep. Coz I miss you, babe. And I don't want to miss a thing.

~David Cook, I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing, American Idol 7

Who wants to live forever? Who dares to love forever? When love must die?

~Kady Malloy, Who Wants to Live Forever, American Idol 7

Forever... You will always be the only one.

~Kristy Lee Cook, Forever, American Idol 7

and to end with something corny...

Matalino man ang matsing, tao naman ako. 8D

~some Filipino proverb modified due to the insanity of the author

P.S.

You can't do that.

~Amanda Overmyer, You Can't Do That, American Idol 7

06/07/08 Blahs

2008-07-06T04:37:00.000-07:00

Yet another not-so-exciting day.

This noon, I asked my li’l bro if he wanted to go to the movie house today [he wanted to watch Urduja]. Initially, he said no because of a certain Religion subject reflection notebook [or whatever you call it]. So I asked my mom and my sis instead if they wanted to watch Monster Mom. They agreed and they dressed up. Just as when they were finished, my bro claimed he just finished his work and he now wanted to hit the movie house. I told him that Urduja may not be showing now since it’s been released weeks before, so I asked him to watch Monster Mom just in case. He’s fine with it. My mom and sis then decided to go to my aunt’s house instead.

We were at the mall, then. As I suspected, Urduja won’t be viewed. So my bro and I bought tickets for Monster Mom. I asked him to eat first. We ate ramen and maki. It was his first time to eat such and he enjoyed the meal so much. After we were done, we headed to the box office and entered inside to watch the film. There were a lot of people so we sat at the balcony. 8D I am dearly irritated by the people beside me. They are cheap, annoying people [read: they mock Ruffa Gutierrez’s every other word, and it’s irritating]! And, oh, Monster Mom was the laughs but it has a flat storyline.

So there, we went home.

And, oh, by the way, before we ate ramen and maki, I bought a PS2 CD! Yay! Valkyrie Profile: Silmeria! I played the game after we ate dinner at home.

First Life Realization

2008-06-17T02:45:00.000-07:00

One person said to me in an SMS:

"[...] kahit suplado ka [...]"

What does "suplado" really mean?

For all the life that I have lived, I knew this word to mean someone who literally snobs anyone. The problem, I just met this person (well, maybe I can call him a friend, but we're not close yet). So when he sent me the message (the quote was part of the whole), I realized that he means "suplado" as someone who only notices [most of his] teachers, all of his friends and relatives. Well, I'm not hurt by what he said: there is no offense done. But via what he said, he made me reflect on what my personality is.

I remembered myself before. I used to dream of becoming a celebrity. I thought smiling is not tiring. I thought all people who know you and call your name [even if you're on a comfort room] is one happy thing. But as my life goes on, this all changed. Stardom is such a pain in the ass. Philippine television is boring. And I never knew how to smile from the heart again. I've failed in love a lot of times, yet I'm still here. I managed to survive, though, but I forgot to smile. You see, if "love inflicts you pain" it leaves a scar. You may be traumatized.

Wait, what am I saying? Where in the blog world am I? Heck! The "suplado" thing! Oh, well. I think I need a personality assessment and make-over. Let's start by this question:

What things in me do you like and/or hate?

Answer with truth. Why? Because Asians tend to beat around the bush. So instead of correcting the flaw, it is being ignored.

I Will Be a Masochist, But I AM NOT a Masochist [yet]

2008-06-15T16:29:00.000-07:00

I realized I can't finish my undergraduate course in three-and-a-half years. Well, theoretically, I can. But later, I came to my senses that I will pass out if I enroll next semester in full load. In short, I will [?] finish my degree on time [i.e., not in advance].

And, oh, if I changed my mind again, I will spend the rest of the months, before I graduate, "taking up Culinary Arts with my mom as my professor and Professional Driving with my dad as my professor".

Rants...

2008-06-13T03:06:00.000-07:00

Ok. So I just found out that my crush enrolled in ADMU and not in UPD. So, it's "sad", and I can't do some stalking on my last year as an undergrduate. T_T

Recently, life has been boring. I wonder why the things in life that I like don't "last" that much. Maybe, madali akong magsawa.

I'll study hard on Math from now on (I've been telling this myself for 2 years but I'm really serious this time. Swear.), now that I've found some "encouragement". Problem is, I don't know where to work after I finished all my required units.

Basically, I now need a scholarship. Darn Philippine economy. Fuck you. Even if you can't be physically cursed, still, fuck you.

I think I'm experiencing bad karma. I've been "bad" this past few years. I mean it (pun slightly intended).

The First [Few] Day[s] of Classes

2008-06-10T23:00:00.000-07:00

I can’t believe that it is my third year in college. In fact, I will graduate next sem! Well, approximately…

Tuesday:

Math 122

~Takenouchi-sensei is kawaii… That’s it. Hahaha! No… By some blows of gale (or in other words: since I am interested in Differential Equations), I became interested in studying the course.

Physics 10

~I have to sprint from MB to New NIP to go there. We experienced difficulty in finding the room. We met Dr. Alonzo, and ate inside the room. After a while, he said that one rule is that we shouldn’t eat and drink inside the classroom. Well, except for crackers and water (I brought nachos and iced tea inside).

Koreyano 10

~Another sprinting session from New NIP to AS. Our instructor is like a typical Korean: he wore polo, pants, and a hat. And the first session gave me nosebleed.

Math 123.1

~Little did we know that this Advanced Calculus course is really an Introduction to Real Analysis course. Ma’am Roque is the laughs, believe me.

Wednesday:

Math 110.2

~I can’t believe Sir Basilla taught that “well”. Math 140 (one of my classes last sem: under him) is a mess. From the start of the session, I’m expecting more from Linear Algebra. Good start, indeed.

Math 150.1

~What 150.1? Where is the prof?

Do or Die: Enrollment Phase II

2008-06-03T01:28:00.000-07:00

June 3, 2008. I woke up when my alarm clock has rung. It was four in the morning. As usual, I just stirred a cup of Milo: that’s breakfast for me that day.

Before I knew it, it was six thirty and I was already at the front of the door of Lingg. Up until eight there was no person in front of Lingg but me. When the enlisting staff came, I confidently enlisted for the Koreyano 10 class. Sweet.

Then I went to IM for us to know the results of the petition of a new section in a major subject. It was granted after their lunch break. So now I have eighteen units. Good riddance.

With some of my friends, I went to SE to at least enroll in an elective. Damn them. We were in the line for, like, three hours just to be informed that they didn’t want students who were “playing safe”.

Our philosophy was: in times of conflicting schedules, enlist before cancel. But, horribly, the SE didn’t want that. They wanted us to cancel our dear classes first before they can enlist us. Damn, they are paranoids! I hate them!

So it was already four in the afternoon when I decided to continue the registration process. Unfortunately, I validated late so I have to come tomorrow to retrieve my form before paying.

Now, [the additional problem is] some of my friends won’t give up in enlisting an Economics subject. So I have to go with the flow, since I want that as an elective as well. But there might be no more slots available for us. Argh…

Do or Die: Enrollment Phase I

2008-06-01T22:23:00.000-07:00

June 2, 2008. Half past three in the morning. My alarm clocks weren’t ringing but I woke up. My eyes were really wide and my consciousness did not return to slumber. I waited till my first alarm clock rang. When it did, I finally got off my bed and stirred a cup of Milo. There starts my day.

It was seven o’clock [or was it six thirty?] when I reached the College of Science (CS). I already got my registration materials and my True Copy of Grades (TCG). After that I went to the Institute of Mathematics (IM) to get the enrollment process started. But there was no one there. So I decided to wait for a friend back at CS. We both went to the IM but still, there’s no one there. After almost an hour of waiting, we [batch-mates] were now five when we realized that we don’t have an adviser since they thought our batch [the 2006] and the other batch [the 2007] are to start tomorrow. But things “went fine” and we now had our “adviser”.

I was still lacking 3 subjects [I just needed 2 more so that I won’t be under-loaded, but still…]. We [the 2 batches] should enlist other subjects tomorrow but as a special “favor” of CS, we were to enlist today in other CS subjects. By the way, I was lacking 2 major [Mathematics] subjects and a random subject, be it a free elective or a foreign language elective. To our [the 2006 batch] surprise, they will open a new section for a major subject [which I haven’t got] in the afternoon. The other subject? We had to make a petition to open a new section for that. We have to wait until tomorrow if it has been granted.

So here’s the problem. I am planning to get an Economics subject as an elective. But I was so disappointed when I went to the School of Economics (SE) building to check for the enlistment process: it said “other students” [non-SE students that don’t really require Economics in their curriculum] can enlist SE subjects on Wednesday. Sad, so I have to think of back-up plans. These are what I thought.

Scenario I: I will enlist either Integrated Elementary Japanese (Hapon 10-11) or Elementary Japanese I (Hapon 10) tomorrow at the Department of Linguistics (Lingg). The class that will fit my subject will be in the morning. And the schedule might coincide with an Economics class I want to enlist in.

Scenario II: I will enlist either Integrated Elementary Korean (Koreano 10-11) or Elementary Korean I (Koreano 10) tomorrow at Lingg. The class that will fit my subject will be in the afternoon. That is, it is sandwiched between my Physics class situated near Katipunan and my Mathematics class that is just near where my Physics class is handled. The problem? The classroom can be walked within 6-7 minutes from my Physics class: and I might not want that.

Scenario III: I will wait for Wednesday to enlist for the Economics subject. The problem? The demand for that subject is high. So it takes pure luck to enlist that class.

Scenario IV: We [with my friends who want to take the same subject] will beg at Solita Monsod [our preferred professor for the subject] to add us to her class. But that is plain impossible [or not?] I think.

Scenario V: I will end up having 15 units for the semester. And I don’t want that.

The adventure continues tomorrow. And, oh, if you read this entry and today is the date specified at the start, kindly give [and explain] me the scenario that you prefer. I’m [absolutely] out of my mind right now.

As Requested

2008-05-25T03:43:00.000-07:00

Yeah... As requested by Aki, I will post this [humorous and yet] embarrasing dream of mine... It's just a dream anyway. No harm done. O_O

Remember the horny Japanese guy from my dream before [refer to my previous blog entry: The Good, The Bad, The Cute, The Ugly]? This is scary, though, because I had dreamt about him again, but this time, he did not do any "harm". We were just in my condo unit (surprisingly, I don't have one in real life). And I do mean he did not do any "harm". He just "proposed" an engagement and that I "should tell my parents". My [unconscious and mysterious] answer was that I don't want my parents to know "our relationship". Yikes!

Well, actually, that was the last part of my dream. The [gross and horrible] first part was...

I was applying yet [again] for an organization. There was another Japanese guy who just arrived at the club's... HQ? Oh, well. So he just arrived, and as I was talking heartily to Kady M. (I hid her name as Kady Malloy as to protect plagiarism. :P), I can feel him glaring at me. I just shrug it off and convinced myself he was looking at my direction (but not possibly at me: that's the Limit definition for you). He suddenly hugged me and asked "Namae wa?!" which I understood as he asking my name. Someone blurted out my name (someone said "Denji-desu"). I tried to take him off me but he grasped my shoulder, sniffed me, whispered "Ahh, Denji", and he ran his hands from my shoulder to my hands and held them. I resisted and tried to take him off. All the members and applicants were squealing [others in delight, others in disgust]. He hugged me tighter and to be released from his arms, I said, "Papasok na ako, majors ko na. [Math subject]" Obviously, someone translated that for him and apparently wanted to follow me and he wanted to be a seat-in in my class. I obviously declined but he just held and hugged me. I shrugged him off and I went away. I heard him talk to Kady and to Robbie [Carrico?] to join him in the building [Math building] while he is waiting for me ouside.

End of story.

PS: I wanted to stop blogging since HEL told us [in our English 30 class] not to since it "degrades our English". So I swore to write only sensible things at my blog. Well, I just wrote it at Aki's request. :P

Fun and Torture Well-Mixed

2008-02-20T00:25:00.000-08:00

I have this nice dream... I want to document it so I won't forget it...

My Physics crush (from now on be coded as JaDe) was in my dream… Here goes…

I was riding a van to home. I saw inside my High School classmate who was friends with JaDe… I was so shocked to see JaDe… Distinctively out of nothing (or whatever), I held JaDe’s hands, only for my hands to be held tighter. 8D We were holding each other’s hands until I arrived home. Well, JaDe accompanied me home, and I can remember it was my left hand JaDe held so much tightly. I don’t know but I just blurted out that I have to let go of the hand because I am afraid my parents will catch me. Now that is weird… o_O

This afternoon, out of nowhere, I saw my crush in the Math Institute (from now on be coded as XVee) and, yeah, I saw XVee walking… Unconsciously, I approached XVee and poked the pin on the ID lace hanging on XVee’s neck… What’s fun to think is… XVee poked that pin out of no reason. Is it just me? Or is it really just XVee’s habit? I don’t wanna think hard about it…

Our loyal dog, Olive, died. Sad~… T_T

This last remaining part of the semester is more torture! *sigh* I just need a break, dude… T__T

Legal and Ready to Strike...

2008-02-16T23:58:00.000-08:00

Yes... You've read it right... I'M LEGAL! (A/N: Legal = age range of 18 to [positive] infinity).

I've been hugged lately by Aki (thanks!) and that's one load of my wishlist... What wishlist? Here they are...

Date
Kiss
*Hug (given by Aki)
Be the center of attention
Talk to "someone" [as usual, si Aki lang nakakaalam nito. ] Clue: 4-stars
a Toyota car
a Canon digi-/video-cam
a condo unit
a calculator suitable for the Actuarial Science Exam
Meet Ali Larter in the flesh
a load of bittersweet chocolate bar and bittersweet chocolate ice cream. In short, I want a bittersweet chocolate.
high grades this semester
to find myself (ang pinakamalalim at pinakaseryoso na wishlist)

*sigh* Shun is now dead... I wanna kill Ice now... Grr..

I wanna start writing my 14-14-14 novel, after 2 years, but I still can't I have no time and enthusiasm to do so... T_T

Pic of the day/week? Hmm... This may be good... Ali Larter...

Electric Thoughts

2008-02-12T22:05:00.000-08:00

"What do you think, this is my first day?"

~Elle Bishop, Cautionary Tales, Heroes

So, technically, OUT OF NOWHERE, I am composing this blog entry when I should be doing my Programming Project...

First and foremost, I'm not expecting any presents (whatever that meant...)

Second, I will be kicking ass... Haha, no, not now, some other time, punching bag...

Third, the main story line... Uh... I just told you about my dead hamster, Aerol. I bought another paired, named Lei and Shun, but Lei died by cannibalism. Sad... But at least what left is a male and a female. I just have to wait for the mating season...

On the two coming occasions, you won't be seeing me in red nor in black... I hate Valentine colors... (Damn Clear...) I'll be wearing green for the next two days... Swear...

Will it be all right for me to lambaste? Haha, don't blame me though... These are just some thoughts...

K made me depressed...

P made me pissed off...

V gave me hope...

X made me go emo...

And recently, J made me go blank.

Lovely letters... Tsk tsk...

Oh, yet another...

This morning, I saw A, and I got jealous... T__T

I want Elle to fry me...

I don't know why love moves into me as such... But I guess the Horse is unlucky in love, like the "experts" say... I don't know... I just want to stop myself... I just want some friends, and instead of growing up in numbers, it's more of they are decaying exponentially... I don't want that to happen... Gomen nasai, haru-kun. Mianhaeyo, lanz.

Enough of the drama... I guess I should grow up by now and not hog all the people...

"I'm seventeen years old and I've never gone on a date. Never been on a roller-coaster. Never been swimming. And now you know everything there is to know about me. I don't have the luxury of being more interesting than that."

~Denji, from Elle's dialogue, Four Months Ago, Heroes

The Good, The Bad, The Cute, The Ugly

2008-01-13T22:13:00.000-08:00

Condolences to myself... Aerol died... T_T Ice killed "him"...

Now I hate my only hamster... Well, not really, but at least I recovered from the shock. And she bit my finger. Ouch!

My schoolmate from High School (Jovitte) passed the UPCAT. Congratulations! 8D

*sigh*... and the "main story line"...

January 7 is my "Valentine's Day". Why? Everything related to that thing so-called "love" happened on that day. It is actually the time I saw my morning crush for 5 minutes striaght, the time I sniffed and gaped at my noon crush, and the time my afternoon crush's eyes and mine met. ^^ And before I took the bus home, I ate at Chowking, and my table number was 143. Sweet...

And this is the weirdest dream I ever had.

January 13, in the wee hours of the morning, I... well... dreamt. It was in a house in a village with my ex-housemates, este, co-apps (How I miss them and my senpai-tachi, especially... Hmmm....) And we were in a "theatre practice". I just said to some instructor I never saw in my dream that I will go out for a while, and after a while, when I returned, they were gone, except for a number of people. Saying that the program will start. At some moment after, I was in the front seat (as an audience) I saw in my left the very sexy, beautiful, and alluring Ms. Iwa Moto. ^^ To my right is a Jap guy I know. But I never knew he was "horny" (in the dream) because he kept on rubbing his rod (ooops... adult content). When I saw him at that instant, I turned my sight away from him to Iwa. Then I smiled, because it's Iwa in the first place. 8D And I was shocked, because the guy at my right (not named "for protection". LOL) Suddenly he forced me to lean down to him, he pulled my hand (to which I tried to pull back since...) and he forced my hand to rub his crotch. Ö I resisted, but he is so strong that *I dont want to put the words. T_T* and he said the words, malaki? After which I tried to sit properly but he prevented me and his hand tried to reach mine *very creepy*. Of course, I stopped him, but to no avail. He did it, and said that same word. And I heard the people at the back shouting. I was shocked! Until the shouting faded to the my pseudonym (Denji) then it fades further to silence. And then the "program" started.

Well, that was a creepy dream. I didn't stood the last part one bit. O_O

And I passed both my Math exams. ^^

And So, The Countdown Began

2007-12-21T02:49:00.000-08:00

It's Christmas... I don't expect gifts anymore. :( Why? Because I received my early Christmas gift: a pair of hamsters! Yay! I named them Aerol (silent L) and Ice (said ai-ze). The reasons for such names? It's a secret.

I was like a dentrimental freak when I looked at those cuties. They made me forget my problems. (and my homework, too. Ö) At first, I put them in a glass tank and filled it with newspaper shreds. They like to bury themselves in the shreds, especially Ice since Aerol does nothing but nibble. o_O A few days after, I bought (actually, MY DAD BOUGHT) a new metal cage for them, complete with the wheel (I call it the Hamster Wheel. Ü) and a "house". I was like a dork waiting for them to ride the wheel but after hours, my waiting paid off, Aerol rode the wheel and he never got off. Yay! It was just so~ cute. <3 and after some time Ice rode. And now they are still fighting over the wheel. And the "house"? It was on a sort-of "second floor" of the cage. Aerol went to the roof of the house (went to the next level via the "stairs". Hamsters don't fly. o_O) and he was like looking down from the roof. And he fell to the base of the cage. Ouch!

One of my problems is the organization I'm applying for. I went through a lot of conflicts with my parents but my misbehavior blew their fuse. So I resolved to not joining any organizations for internal peace. What sacrifice. T_T

And, oh, last Friday, I got to talk with my Physics crush. Kyaa~!!! I wished to talk with my crush for at least five minutes of my life but that day, we ended up talking for an accumulative of 30 minutes! Yay! It's about Physics, though. But at least we "talked". And I get to stick my arm with my crush's. HEAVEN!